Equinox
X.I.L Lyrics

Loving you, loving who
Expressing love for the person they are with and questioning their own identity in the relationship.

Throughout so many years
Acknowledging the length of the relationship with the person they are with.

Had I been waiting for you to simplify my fears?
Wondering if their partner can make their life less complicated and less fearful.

Or am I just in full fantasy mode again?
Questioning if their expectations are too unrealistic.

Us doesn't look like a remake, but who am I kidding?
Realizing that their relationship may not be original or new, but they still want it to work.

Too soon to rewind the tape
Recognizing that it’s too early in the relationship to start over.

Inquire at my persisting mistakes all over again
Reflecting on their past mistakes and how they can avoid them in the future.

And cry within my absent tears that I'll never be caught cold again
Feeling emotionally vulnerable and hoping that their partner will provide comfort and security.

Beautiful and loving
Describing their partner using positive adjectives.

Like my own personal Meg Ryan
Comparing their partner to the actress Meg Ryan, who is known for her romantic roles in movies.

How long before picturing a house and kids in the backyard?
Contemplating the future of the relationship and imagining building a life together.

Who the fuck did paste those fantasies in my mind?
Questioning where their idealized vision of the relationship came from.

Still unsure of who I wanna be
Feeling uncertain about their own identity and goals.

But no more wondering who I am
Feeling more confident in their sense of self.

Still afraid that you'll hurt me
Feeling hesitant and fearful of getting hurt by their partner.

Bitting the ass of my best friend
Blaming themselves for their own mistakes and misfortunes.

Who's in charge of that rambling mind?
Questioning and acknowledging the chaos of their own thoughts.

And cry within my whiny tears that I'll never be caught cold again
Feeling vulnerable and longing for emotional security.

But still, how long will I pretend
Admitting to pretending that everything is okay when it might not be.

That I don't give a shit if we end
Denying their own feelings and attachment to the relationship.

But can you delete all my memories
Asking their partner to erase memories of past mistakes.

And make you look like my first chance?
Desiring to start fresh and have a clean slate in the relationship.

Can you dig up my own shit
Asking their partner to uncover their own mistakes so they can be addressed.

And make it seem as if it never happened?
Wanting to move on from past mistakes and have a fresh start in the relationship.

And whatever I'll do, you'd love me again
Believing that their partner will always love them and forgive their mistakes.

Can you be all wild, then reassuring, then wild again whenever I please?
Asking their partner to be flexible and meet their changing emotional needs.

Can you close your eyes patiently when my dark side's taking the wheel?
Asking their partner to patiently deal with their mood swings and negative emotions.

And love, and love, and love me again!
Expressing desire for their partner to continue loving them despite their flaws.

My light and darkness made equal
Feeling like their partner balances out their positive and negative qualities.

My long hoped for Equinox
Describing their ideal of emotional balance and harmony in the relationship.