girlfriend's dead
iwantedto.be Lyrics

We have lyrics for these tracks by iwantedto.be:

candy Ey, ella le gusta vacilar todos los weekends irse janguear …
i quit girls We-ell, I can't quit you baby, But I got to…
in the city Hot town summer in the city Back of my neck gettin`…
majesty A higher power underground From seraph skies and now to chao…

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Most interesting comments from YouTube:

Jimbob Jones

2y↑70

For SURE he didn't throw out that t-shirt "accidentally".

He did it on purpose, and had this entirely planned.

- He waited until she was busy to "clean", because then he could play the "but I ASKED you to look through them!!!" card
- He waited until trash day to do it, to limit the amount of time he could "get it back"
- When everything blew up, he went to the best friend's family, not because he cared, but because he realized that his shittiness had consequences

He threw out the shirt because he hated the shirt and the best friend, and thought his girlfriend should just "get over it". He knew exactly which shirt it was. You can't convince me otherwise.

If throwing the t-shirt went off without a hitch, the pictures would be next to go. He was going to scrub their house clean of everything related to the best friend. He's a manipulative dirtbag.

Voodoomaria

1y↑1

Story #1:
If you didn't pay for it, you have NO RIGHT to throw away anything that belongs to someone else unless they specifically request you do so regardless of your feelings in the matter or the history of the item.
If it's not yours KEEP YOUR EFFING MEAT HOOKS OFF!!
I don't believe for a second OP didn't know what he was throwing away.
He stated she talked about it constantly in their early relationship.
He stated she kept it in a box with other mementos
He KNEW what it was and what it meant to her, No way he didn't.
I get the vibe that he may have deliberately discarded it to start "Weaning her off of her attachments", and is trying to play dumb to get out of the fall-out.
Another self taught therapist trying to gate-keep with someone's emotions, and creating more pain than they are trying to "Cure".

Roger Ramjet

Regards to Story 3.
I had a gf that tried telling me who I could and couldn't have as friends.
I listened to her attempts at manipulation for 2 weeks then had enough.
Also caught her going through both my phones, then told her "I've never had any secrets from you but now you're fishing to feed your insecurities, I've had enough and we're done".
Next day I put her on a bus and sent her 200 kilometres south to live with her mother.
That same day I told her to never think she's got the right to tell me who my friends should be because she will lose just like she did in that relationship.
I also got fed up with the racism from her and her mother.
I'm caucasian and they're both aboriginal.
They can't even grasp that saying "you can't be racist if you're black" is a racist comment itself.
Anytime we had a disagreement she called me racist while she stayed in my house, rent, food and bill expenses free.
From 10th Oct till Xmas break that year she stole over $3000 out of the Xmas tin in my room then complained we did nothing during Xmas then tried to force me to open a joint account.
I was working away up north regularly for random periods of time.
At one point I had to be away for 21 days. She didn't feed my dog for 9 days and as a result of a previous operation on her digestive system, this killed her.
She had put over 700 kilometres on my car and not been home for that time.
I asked the neighbours about what was going on because I couldn't trust anything she said and I know she cheated too.

Raven Whatever

Her best friend of 10 years commited suicide.
She found her cold in their apartment.
It was a huge surreal traumatizing reality kick right straight to the face.
It happened ONLY some more than 3 years ago.
She has memorable stuffs, got a tattoo etc.
Goes ONCE IN A YEAR on memorial dinner with her sister and late boyfriend.
She has SIX pictures of her late BFF, not an altar full of pictures and dresses etc...
She still COPE eith her huge loss, she still feels like twin who lost their twin... she VISITS THERAPY FOR YEARS!!!
and he fricking says she's obsessed? He's fricking psychopath with emotion level of teaspoon and he doesn't deserve... NO, ANY GIRL DOESN'T DESERVE HAVING THIS PILE OF DUNG AS A BOYFRIEND!!!

inthewindago

Last story.
I went back home to visit my friends. Crashed on my one friends couch.
This was a friend I did have history with. Nothing romantic, it was purely physical.
My boyfriend at the time, now husband. Knew all of this. He actually drove me there. Then hung out with us all. Until he had to go home. Because he worked in the morning.
My friends, two of which I had history with. Openly talked, and teased me. With intimate knowledge.
My husband soon started joining in.
Oh and I did tease them back equally what they gave me. That’s the sort of friend we are.

Info: 21 year married now, my best friend!

ThatWAFFLEGuy 49

Story 2, specifically the comment at 11:59: Not to poke the bear, but women talk/text about their male SO's royal scepter and family jewels with or without permission (sometimes with photos), but now it's bad when the tables are turned?

Let's play devil's advocate here for a second, and say OP shared a picture of her husband's junk with her friends and he was upset about it.

Would she be chastised the same way?

I know that being naked and wearing lingerie isn't equal, but most "male lingerie" is just hot pants or ass-less chaps, so it's far less equivalent than just being in his birthday suit.

I should also point out that I haven't seen the update yet, so my opinion might change afterwards, but for now, OP has every right to be angry, but unless she's never talked about her husband's junk to her friends, she can't be mad at him for doing something similar.

Edit after update: Yeah, at least they can communicate like a good couple. That friend's an asshole through and through.

But my point still stands, even if it does change a little. OP can't get mad at her husband for being convinced into showing off his wife if she has done the same thing.

That friend tho... Yikes. Sadly he reminds me of an old friend of mine from back in high school. He used to like drawing and transformers, now he's... Not as good a person anymore.

All comments from YouTube:

K BF

2y↑372

“She couldn’t even call me to break up.” And you couldn’t be bothered to listen to the woman you supposedly loved as she was telling you about what seems to be the single most significant moment in her life. Not once, in three years, did you ever actually listen to her.

C.L. Zanfir

1y↑1

That story was messed up. Everyone sucked there.

LilFeralGangrel

50w↑1

@C.L. Zanfir nah only the OP sucks in that story

Jimbob Jones

2y↑70

Scarlett Granger

2y↑308

She has lunch once a year on the anniversary of her DEAD BEST FRIEND and some pics and memorabilia and OP calls her excessive and crazy and obsessive?
The title already sounded like a major asshole, but somehow he manages to seem worse and worse and worse throughout the post? How is he this evil to the girl he allegedly loves and doesn't even understand he did wrong?

Oh Wow

2y↑49

When he said “it was like she was talking to a girlfriend” that was the dead give away he was absolutely jealous

Shadow Kissed

2y↑22

@Oh Wow exactly. He sees it as if the best friend is her living ex whom she is pining over during their whole relationship and she might leave him if he doesn't get her memory away from his gf.

untitled1621

2y↑38

I feel like that NTA comment was the OP. "Yeah bro she's definitely crazy and obsessive because she told you stories about someone and had pictures that you made her take down". "I totally agree with you agreeing with me".

It just sounded so stupid.

Scarlett Granger

2y↑21

@untitled1621 lol yeah you're right. Didn't even notice, but both comments are even worded like exactly the same way.
Lol that would really be rock bottom level of cringe.

SenniMinni Baby

2y↑6

agreed it's almost like they've been friends for 10 years! :O

3 More Replies...

Scarlett Granger

2y↑290

First OP: He can't imagine dumping her over this? He's the one who did something downright evil and then refused to apologize and acted like its no big deal!
Also interesting how he "explains" to the sister and she's calm, but then she hears the girlfriends side and gets super angry at OP? Wonder how he twisted the story to sound better. Maaayor Ahole vibes there.

Amanda Croft

2y↑16

Exactly, very telling

xelectrix

2y↑26

Yeah, the reaction of everyone tells me there were probably more issues and things he's done and this incident was just the final straw.

CreeperOnYourHouse

2y↑1

I can see it going both ways, that both are twisting the story in their own way.

Dionysus

2y↑21

He sounds exactly like a controlling narcissist

Amanda Croft

2y↑8

@Dionysus I bet you're right

12 More Replies...

itazuranakisu

2y↑144

Definitely he was jealous of the friend and he tried to word things in hopes that his AH move would get glossed over in the comments. And tried to play victim with her family. OP sounds like the people who get jealous of their partner's dead spouse and try to erase their existence. He knew what he was doing. He knew the shirt since she frequently slept with it. He had her take down some of the 6 photos she had of her friend. His selfishness, pettiness and callousness just set her back and all he can think of is himself and not taking full responsibility for his intentionally malicious behavior. Honestly I'm shocked he didn't go snooping in her friend's journal or OP's since he lacks respect of people's property and doesn't like (maybe even hates) the friend.

Amanda Croft

2y↑16

He 1000% knew. He's worse than garbage.

My ex FIL threw away the only thing my birth mother ever gave me. I never got to meet her before she died. Ex FIL was "cleaning", found it, it has my name on it and it's clearly a beloved childhood trinket. Interestingly, when cleaning when I was there, we came across something his mother made for his son, my husband. He was very careful with that little stuffed and embroidered heart, even though my husband was indifferent. So I know he values childhood items. Just not mine. The funny thing is, he saved my wedding dress and $50 guitar, but not my most priceless possession. That he made sure to get rid of.

Kat Russell

2y↑67

Alright, story 1: “I just don’t understand what’s so important about a t-shirt” from my own experience, when the mother figure in my life passed away, I took TONS of shit from her house; candles, cutlery sets, tea sets, etc. I can tell you hands down none of those breaking or being thrown out would hurt me as much as losing the 1 short of hers I kept. I wear it on the days I miss her most. It’s the one thing I kept of hers that makes me feel most connected to her. This guy is a major ahole

Edit to add: I very much doubt op has ever had to deal with the mourning of a loved one

Melissa Harris

2y↑2

You do you, but I had my grandpa's shirt made into a teddy bear.
Less likely to get tosse somewhere on accident.
But like I said, do what is best for you

TheHappyWavePacket

2y↑6

Even if OP never dealt with grief... What's the logic about taking a shirt someone wears often and throwing it away ? .-. She obviously liked that shirt a lot and he still decided to dispose of it.
(And that's assuming he really didn't know what shirt it was... I'm not completely sold on the idea that this was an accident.)

Shalese Arenas

2y↑33

It feels obsessive? Has he lost someone before? I recently lost my grandpa and each one of his kids/grandkids has plenty of his stuff in our rooms. Planning a tattoo to honor him, stories, videos, pictures, we put balloons on his grave for his birthday. Stuff like that keeps him alive in our memories and of course, because he was important to us. It’s like those stories where the new partner blames the widowed partner for being obsessed with their deceased wife/husbands/significant other. He was literally competing with a dead person, I’m glad his girlfriend saw that he was not worth her time.

Magnar Creed

“A person has two deaths.
The day they die, and the day they are thought of for the last time.”

They live in our memories. Carry on sister.

dinnea

2y↑46

First story: ok he is clearly not telling us everything. The contrast between the 1st and the 2nd meeting with the sister is crazy. There must be a reason why she reacted so badly the 2nd time around

Rachel R

2y↑16

I'm thinking it has to do with some of the stuff we saw in the last comment -- him "finally convincing" his girlfriend to take down pictures of her dead friend, him calling her mourning excessive, him thinking her getting a tattoo in her memory or going out to lunch with the sister once a year was weird. He was clearly giving that poor girl grief for ages, and the shirt was just the last straw. I'm sure the ex girlfriend told the sister about some of this stuff, that would definitely explain the reaction.

Amy Yaku

2y↑16

Story 1: YTA. I'd imagine OP would have a lot in common with the OP that burned his gf's sentimental blanket and the OP who smashed her late fiancé's ring with a hammer.

And with the NTA comment...so mourning, grieving, and trying to cope over your best friend's death is "unstable"? And even if she was, who wouldn't be after someone important to them dies, no matter how much time passes?

Ruby Meaddle

2y↑2

pretty sure the NTA was an incel

Sapphire Zeppelli

2y↑22

That first story was so terrible and painfully relatable (except the crappy bf part). My dog passed away around when covid started. His name was Bruno and we had him for quite a few years. It was very sudden and it crushed me for months, thinking about it even now still makes me really sad. I had a small blanket i wasn’t using that i put in his cage so he could feel more comfortable and to have something that would smell like me because i suspected he had separation anxiety. I still have that blanket, i keep it next to me on my bed folded up with a mold of his paw print. It’s remained unwashed since it still has his smell on it. My significant other, who usually loves to keep things clean, agrees that it should stay like that and would never even think about touching it without permission (tho i would let her even without asking) let alone wash or get rid of it. That poor girl, i hope she finds someone much more compassionate and loving and that actually pays attention to her and her needs. RIP her best friend

Calming Voice

2y↑75

Even without the backstory, why would you throw away a shirt your girlfriend sleeps in all the time?

Ariane Bolt

2y↑16

Ffs, I can't figure out why he picks a bunch of her stuff to throw out, full stop.

ResidentMilf

2y↑12

Because he was jealous of the dead girl and wanted to get rid of the shirt. Not buying that he didn't know what he was doing.

Bonbon

2y↑6

Exactly,like wtf🤦

1 More Replies...

K BF

2y↑27

#2-It’s not about the husband opening the photo in front of someone accidentally. It’s about him opening it intentionally the second time so his buddy could take a good long look. That’s messed up. Like really messed up.

Jake Marie

1y↑2

The way they talked about her too was gross and dehumanizing. A definite loss of trust.

Itsjustmaddisenyoupeasant.

2y↑5

I can’t even describe the anger I feel at OP just throwing out things of his partner without her permission and because of what he did there’s just no way they can get past this because of how he has truly shown his real face.

itazuranakisu

2y↑49

If OP takes any more "scandalous" pictures she should know that friend will either hear or see it at some point. The husband is gross. He was more concerned about getting his ego stroked by a gross friend than protecting his wife. I bet the friend didn't even have to try to "convince" OP's husband. If the husband hadn't easily fallen into that he could've explained to OP what happened but he kept it a secret. Husband should've known the "friend" wouldn't have kept it a secret when he wanted to trade like it was Pokemon. The fact that the husband still is friends with someone who wanted his wife's naughty picture, who kept his exes nudes and was trading them out says a lot about the husband, the friend and OP for not even asking the husband why he still wants to be friends with someone like that. OP was warned. A little stroke of the ego and he will show off things that should be between him and OP alone.

Scarlett Granger

2y↑8

Agreed! And the husband did nothing telling the friend he did wrong, wtf? His other friends shot him down, and the husband is just like "okay so let's talk BBQ now" ew! If i was in OPs shoes that would be such a hard no from me.

Daktsu WoflCat

2y↑2

I feel like this is pure speculation at this point. We don't the full context, and we are not them. The story told is a biased perspective from op's point of view. We don't even know how her husband felt through the whole thing, so you're getting worked up over nothing.

Ruby Meaddle

2y↑1

@Daktsu WoflCat His friends knew what her underwear looked like, that's uncomfortable regardless.

Scarlett Granger

2y↑61

Wow, with the update on story two I'm shocked how the husband just nonchalantly stays friends with that disgusting person. The comments, the attitude and then the "oh let's exchange nudes" ew! And then he's like "oh he's just talking about BBQ now, so all good!" Ew.
Mayor breach of trust if i was in OPs shoes.

Scarlett Granger

2y↑10

@Poohbear45 Yes, same. I trust neither the technology nor the people so i just don't share nudes.
Still, it's a pretty common practice and while i agree it's better to just avoid it, saying it's her fault for sharing instead of his fault for the way he acted is still pretty much victim-blaming.

Springs

@Scarlett Granger but I'm not wrong it is normal shouldn't be asking somebody who don't have anybody my bad.

8 More Replies...

Kathleen Mc Farlane

2y↑28

Story 2 : OP's husband is a HUGE A-HOLE. She needs to grab his phone and delete the photo. Then the husband needs to drop the friend.

Robert X

2y↑1

Did you listen to the update AT ALL?

Kathleen Mc Farlane

@Robert X I commented before I heard the update.

1 More Replies...

Scarlett Granger

2y↑58

"I know it sounds bad, but hear me out..." so everybody knows its actually even worse than it sounds?
Story one, OP is such an asshole, I didn't think after the title it was possible to get worse, but he managed that.

Damien Hailey

I think I've seen maybe once when the OP said that it really was justified.

Scarlett Granger

@Damien Hailey Yeah, i also only saw a few rare. But i think sounding bad and then making it worse is also a new one for me.

Carol Roberts

Dug himself a hole and then just kept digging!

83gemm

2y↑15

He let it slip when he said, “It was more like she was grieving her girlfriend instead of her best friend.”

Dumbass is jealous of a ghost who wasn’t even a romantic partner.

He absolutely KNEW what that shirt was.

Ruby Meaddle

I want to know what else he said to her for the family to come for him like that

Annanas

2y↑11

Story 3: Callum should just dump Hannah and let her be insecure and controlling alone.
Update: Wow, just... Wow. She's evenmore crazy than I originally thought. She would do everyone a favour if she wouldn't even try dating anyone at least for a while.

Robert X

I should and also warn everybody about her toxic behavior

Juan haines

2y↑53

Story 1 I've heard this before. Its because he acted like it wasn't a big deal. That was basically what pit a bullet in it.

Amanda Croft

2y↑7

As someone who's FIL threw away the only thing my birth mother ever gave me, no it's not. He was done the second he threw the t-shirt out. There's literally nothing he could have done other than getting it back, and even then, that's the bare minimum, I still wouldn't talk to him.

Jimbob Jones

2y↑3

@Amanda Croft Especially since it's pretty clear he did it on purpose.

Let's pretend that he didn't know it was the friend's shirt (he did). That doesn't matter... it's a shirt your SO sleeps in OFTEN. It's clearly comfortable to her, even disregarding the immense sentimental value. You DON'T throw stuff like that out. Everyone has a ratty piece of clothing they're comfortable in -- you don't expect someone who cares about you to callously toss it out.

But the reasons he clearly did this on purpose are obvious: He waited until she was busy with work to "clean", He waited until trash day to "clean", He buried the shirt in a pile of other clothes.

This was planned. He's a shitty person.

lkayh

2y↑7

I haven’t even watched the video and my answer to the title is “YES.”

ETA: From the update it’s clear there was more to the argument than OP has shared. He very obviously badmouthed her best friend. It clearly got way nastier than OP shared.

Ruby Meaddle

2y↑1

absolutely given the reactions of the siblings

LovingLifeButNotOnEarth

2y↑44

Story one: the Op knew what he was doing. He's a monster

Amy_The Unbearded_Roommate

1y↑2

Clearly op has never lost someone he truly cares about. He needs to learn to have some empathy as well as learning how to actually listen before he even thinks about getting in to another relationship. Jiminy Christmas, he figured out a way to make the entire thing about him and tried to play the victim. Honestly, I'm glad that his (ex) girlfriend saw the signs and bailed. Good for her. I hope she got the items from her friends sister and is able to start putting this mess behind her.

HoneyBakedHamlet

2y↑3

Dude friggin knew how much that stuff meant to her and he tried to deliberately be obtuse.
Way to show how much you care about her feelings, OP.
It reminds me of the story where the guy got broken up with for burning his girlfriend's security blanket.

Edit: This is so horrible because a normal friggin person shouldn't have to have empathy shit-splained to them. The OP is a walking red flag.

Dinobot Sc

2y↑12

So he was just Jealous of the friend and just thought he would play dumb throwing it out. And the more he try’s to say it wasn’t a mistake the more he show it was deliberate. Taking photos down of a dead “friend” really how Insecure do you have to be.
This guy just need some help if he doesn’t see the problem. She can’t love or care and be sad about someone who died.
I feel so sorry for whoever this man ends up with, cause if he was like after 3 years think how he would be with kids she cares about.
Dude you are not the end all be all of your girlfriend life. If you so controlling you can’t even stand a dead friend photo or her watching memory’s you should be alone.

Kati P.

2y↑4

1st story: Wow. OP YTA!!! Dismissive much?? OP knew from the beginning about GF's dead BFF and the circumstances surrounding it. His statement along the lines of "it seemed like she was grieving her girlfriend, not her best friend" is very telling. He absolutely WAS jealous of her relationship with and memories of her BFF, even though it all predated their relationship. He went in knowing about the biggest tragedy of his GF's life, but not caring AT ALL about it or about understanding her feelings or their relationship. He was offended that she was still so upset about it, especially since he was in her life. He thinks that having him in her life should have healed the hole in her heart by now. OP has never lost anyone important to him, obviously, otherwise he would know just how unsympathetic and unsupportive he's actually been during the worst time in her life, but all he's going to take away from this is that last stupid comment about how "she didn't deserve him" and "he deserved better." Now, she needs to heal from both her BFF unaliving herself and from an insensitive, indifferent twatwaffle throwing away one of her core memories like so much trash because he couldn't be bothered to actually listen to her about her grief and her feelings about losing and finding her BFF in such a terrible, traumatizing way. I guess that's what her counselors were for, not her SO, huh OP? Well, OP can sit and continue to not take any responsibility for this new pain he's caused to his ex since it's been confirmed by the other unempathetic morons that "it's not that big of a deal", so he's not going to listen to all of the other people about why and how this was so damaging and hurtful to his ex. God, what an a-hole! I'm glad she has supportive family, since she never really had a supportive boyfriend.

HadenXCharm

2y↑8

The husband and his friend see women as objects, trophies, and status symbols. 'See what I can pull?' Are you serious? That's your WIFE.

And the audacity of the friend to offer to make it even by showing pictures of his own hookup? So by violating the privacy of ANOTHER woman, he'll make things right for violating your wifes privacy? Tell me you didn't get the point at all.

Jake Marie

1y↑1

Yeah objectification at its finest.

ResidentMilf

2y↑7

Story 3: This is why I don't date jealous people. I'm pansexual; am I just not allowed to have friends?

Jenna Cisterman

As someone who also lost their best friend somewhat recently (or at least it feels recent, three years in January but still feels like it hasn’t been nearly that long) and I still feel absolute panic anytime I attempt to go through her stuff to try to get rid of some of the stuff (she lived with me the last several years of her life so I literally have everything she owned) I can not imagine having someone who’s supposed to love me and care about me just trash something that represents someone so important to me and I don’t believe he didn’t know what the shirt was there’s no way he knew what it was I just don’t even buy that for a second if she spoke about the friend that had passed away as much as he claims she did. What an absolute waste of space id be devastated I can’t even imagine having something like that that belonged to your best friend that passed away super young like they’re gonna miss all the parts of life that a best friend is usually by your side for and having something like that that you can use as a way to keep a piece of them with you especially clothing items those are the things I cherish the most of my friends stuff that I have still too as odd as it is it’s comforting to wear something that belonged to a loved one when they’re gone it makes you feel like they’re with you when your wearing it almost so on hard days or big events you can wear something of theirs like jewelry or clothing and it’s like a piece of them is with you and losing the one thing you have that you can keep on you like that and take with you places would be so sad I’d dump the jackass too better off without him I’d check every thrift store and clothing drive in the tristate area if this happened to me I literally would seek revenge so hard I hate that about me but I can’t lie I’d need vengence

Linda Daggett

2y↑7

First story: at first I was like, okay everyone seems to be exaggerating BUT OP kept talking and no, he is a HUGE, JEALOUS AH.

Ben Konosky

Staying the night story: ESH, GF for acting the way she did, the friend for not discussing it with his GF, and OP for not bringing this up with him as soon as the GF started up.

Edit: NTA, the update was wild, and the GF knew about the arrangement.

Carl Rood

1y↑1

I suspect OP has never lost anyone yet, especially no one early in life. I wasn't really touched by death until adulthood. My parents were both youngest in their families and I'm the sixth of seven, so all my grandparents were dead by the time I was a toddler. Other than a few relatives we weren't particularly close to, no one I knew had ever died.

Even well meaning people often fail to understand another person's grieving because it's such a personal thing. Add to it the trauma of finding a lifelong friend after suicide and it's impossible to relate. OP probably should have looked into counselling they could attend together to better understand her feelings. Forcing her to get rid of the pictures was cruel and that kind of decision should have been hers alone.

McCammalot

2y↑6

Everything he says makes it worse, omg

You don't just GET OVER people you love dying! It will sneak up on you even YEARS later. Online diagnoses are rightful suspicious but Jesus Christ I would not be shocked if dude turned out to have some kind antisocial personality disorder. There is not an iota of empathy here. Girlfriend is better off away forever.

Ruby Meaddle

especially when she found the body

Voodoomaria

1y↑1

Jean Jones

2y↑2

I hope OP never has to lose someone they love jesus

Orchidoxs

2y↑7

my God. Could he not have just waited till she was done with work? And this was a best friend of 10 years. Of course she's still distraught! if they were friends for most of her life, I would be so upset.

ResidentMilf

2y↑3

He couldn't wait until she was done, because then she would notice the t-shirt in the bag and his plan to "accidentally" throw it out would have been ruined.

Fiyah Quacker

Or at least send a text about what to keep before cleaning.

PlagueFlower

2y↑3

I have 3 t shirts that belong to my late fiance and they still smell like him after 6 years ( I kept his favorite ones) and just holding or smelling bring me comfort like ik he's gone but this way it feels like I'm hugging him again

Maddy Davidsdottir

Op absolutely is hiding the full story and threw the top away on purpose! 100%
As for the hubby, absolute scumbag. I would honestly never be comfortable in that marriage again

Anne Grey

2y↑1

I don’t wear it, but I have a t-shirt that belonged to my Gigi stored in a bag. If I had a bf who used OP’s lame excuse to toss it I’d be a bawling mess & he’d be lucky if I just dumped him. I hope the ex finds someone who actually loves her & isn’t jealous of a dead best friend. I also hope OP NEVER gets together with a widow. He’d lose his mind.

Luka

1y↑1

I can't believe the lack of empathy story 1 OP has. Huge red flags all over the place. Such a person should be avoided at all cost.

Ghislaine deFeligonde

Story 3: Itś extremely sad to me, when people sexualize every relationship/friendship. What a sad state of affairs, when the GF thinks, she "had the right to decide which women get to share her bf's room" (sound slightly prostitutiony to metbh)

Ruby Meaddle

Her friend was more like her sister. Losing a sibling to suicide is traumatic. Girlfriend is grieving still, but what he's done is try to force her to on his timeline.

Heartana

2y↑1

Story 1: I had a friend that passed when we were in grade 12 and I still have some of her things 8 years later if my boyfriend threw them away knowing how important she was to me 4 years of us being together be damned I’d leave

MsAquamonkey

2y↑2

My boyfriend has several ripped t-shirts that are very nostalgic for him. I wouldn't dream of throwing them out, or damaging them. OP clearly doesn't care about his ex, yet is all surprised Pikachu face when she leaves him because of it?

Taylor Libby

2y↑7

1st Story - YTA. You're supposed to be her partner, not her parent. Let her decide for herself about her own clothes to "donate" Keep your paws off of other peoples stuff.

Peter Anon

2y↑2

Story 1. NAH, by technicality. OP put a bunch of stuff in a trash bag and told his girlfriend to look through it before throwing it out. She okay'd it.

Hyzenthlay Rose

2y↑2

I'm so happy the girlfriend in the shirt story left him. I could just FEEL his disdain for her deceased friend from the way he was talking. What a heartless asshole.

Hyzenthlay Rose

2y↑2

That guy who rated him NTA said his girlfriend sounded unstable???? She's MOURNING HER BEST FRIEND, THAT'S WHY SHE TALKS ABOUT HER SO MUCH AND WAS SO DEVASTATED OVER THE SHIRT INCIDENT!

Both OP and that commenter have a serious lack of empathy.

LocusXE

2y↑5

For story 1 I get that she was a little obsessed with her friend but that was her BEST FRIEND. It wasn’t just some random stranger. What if it was her mom Op? Would he have said the same thing? Ops just an ahole and still doesn’t get it

Naleen Phimmasone

In story 3 I think Op's friend did communicate to Hannah otherwise she wouldn't have taken her to the side to "ask". She may have unilaterally tried to get OP out and make it look like OP had a change of plans.

Roger Ramjet

alyzu

"I never paid attention to which shirt".
OP never paid attention. That's a big part of the problem. GF's family's reaction to him makes me think that there's a lot more going on than OP writes about here.

JaneDoe1812

2y↑1

The person that said the first OP was 'NTA' is a monster and so is OP. It sounds like she was healthily grieving her best friend and he's a god damn sociopath with no heart. OP deserves no girlfriend, no friends, and for karma to kick him hard in the balls.

Ruth ann Woodrick

2y↑1

He knew exactly what he was doing when he threw it away cause if he did ask her she would have ask him not too. I would be pissed if my boyfriend did that it would have ended well for him.

shootingcomet082

1y↑2

Story 1: "I don't recall it, I knew there was a story and I knew there was a t shirt but I never paid enough attention to which shirt." OP's the AH.

Trillion Bones

Story 3: lol, ask the jealous gf to take Callum to her place if she is that upset over "someone else" crossing her boundaries that Callum doesn't even know existed

Nerd Rage Gaming

2y↑3

I always love the stories that start along the lines of "it sounds bad", at BEST you know there's a 50/50 chance of the actual context being as bad as it sounds, if not worse.

paluza9

Story 3: those are clear and okay boundaries for the girlfriend to have but she never should have put the responsibility on OP. She should have talked to her boyfriend about this. Why did he not tell her about his friend staying over. That does make a girl feel insecure and the girlfriend is not crazy for feeling that way. Like she said, she doesn't know if there is a sexual history. The omission is telling of something. Even if it's just insensitivity and lack of communication. You'll be in edge with a boyfriend like that. You don't have to be okay with that. But your relationship is with your partner, not the person your insecure about.

Dawg Home

2y↑1

Story 1. Oh wow! I just think when you've discovered the dead body of you're very close and much loved friend, you can judge, you haven't so you can't! She's so much better off without you, in so many ways! Uuugghhh! Good riddance to bad rubbish, she finally binned you like that t-shirt you binned! Couldn't have happened to a better person...

Raven Whatever

icewolvz

2y↑2

story 1: ummm... why would you throw out somebody else's stuff? like, why would you go into THEIR closet and sift through THEIR stuff and take it upon YOURSELF to throw it away? if op actually cared about her, he would've known 'which shirt' it was given that she talked about it (and obviously wore it) ALL THE TIME. jfc.

Sassquatch

The story about the Op's husband's friends seeing her needs seems iffy. His Friend was going through his Instagram and saw that his wife got a message and decided to open it? What? If I were on my friend's phone I wouldn't dream of opening any of their messages. Especially from their spouse. Ops husband must have showed it to them.

TailStraw xD

I think we're missing some pretty major information in the first story. The GF's brothers were way too fiercely protective over her for it to just be over a shirt. That's how I'd be if I found out someone was constantly abusing my sister..

Fiyah Quacker

2y↑1

There is this thing called a relapse. The ex wore the shirt each night apparently and to an anniversary thing of the friends death. Know these two factors it's easy to see how losing the shirt could easily cause a depressive relapse considering how close they were and the fact the ex was the one to find the body.

Lilly pop

Story 2 op is out of her mind the disrespect from his friend and her husband is too much to let that sh!t slide I could never trust my SO after that it's honestly on par if not worse than cheating. Disgusting. 😡

Cosmic Jolt

2y↑2

My partner has SO much clothing, shirts, hoodies, pants, shoes, all of it. I want desperately to get rid of things but I won't throw out any of HIS stuff bc they're HIS. He needs to go through the clothing and decide what to get rid of. And none of the shirts or hoodies, etc are from a deceased loved one. Theu just belong to him and I know if it were my stuff I'd want to be the one to look through it.

μ¬ Midnight Suns ¬μ

2y↑1

Story 1 : NTA Yes he fucked up, He tried his best to make it up but she wouldn't Allow it He told her to check and she said no so it's not his fault, she literally had a tattoo of her that's way to much and its just a shirt, shes needs help NTA good job op

Kate-Emma Murray

2y↑2

This girl has the BEST brothers and I love them. Stay kingly, bros.

Buff Helpy

2y↑6

Ah yes,
"I know it sounds bad but hear me out!"
One of the classic signs of being the a-hole.

Orchidoxs

2y↑1

I agree buff helpy. I agree.

LovingLifeButNotOnEarth

2y↑5

Story two: what's with the comments standing up with the husband violating privacy. He doesn't get to tell his friends that kind of shit. I bet he would have been pissed if the Op did the samr

Jake Marie

Yeah nothing about that was okay

inthewindago

Jellysquid

2y↑6

Okay but why is no one talking about the "claiming she was some great person" line in the first story's update?

jboy804

First Story: Both can be true. She can be a seemingly obsessive in her grief and need professional help (which does sound like she does). He can also be a complete ass who seems to lack a basic amount of empathy.
He seemed to go through the motions with what would be the right thing to do when you mess like this but without really seem to understand the gravity of the issue or truly understanding what the actual issue is.

jack chop

2y↑3

Story 1, she's no longer your girlfriend and never will be again. If she's not gone for good, she will in the near future. I think it is thoughtless vs callous and planned like some supervillain though. He's legit oblivious to why she's so upset.

K E

2y↑13

S1: Dude. She slept in that shirt every night. You made her take down the pictures of her friend, complain about her tattoo (in her friend's handwriting), say it sounds like she was mourning a girlfriend rather than a friend, and didn't bother to listen to her stories about her trauma? This was clearly no accident. Yeah, YTA. Duh.

S2: He allowed the friend to "convince him" to open the pic again so friend could see it? Didn't stop the friend from making degrading comments? (The other friends did though.) Then KEPT the friend and allowed you to be invited, knowing full well the friend had seen your (see-through) lingerie?
OP, maybe you should marry the other friends (the ones that shut it down) instead. Your husband seems to lack a spine/hasn't finished growing up yet.

S3: You should have brought it up with your friend when his gf pulled you aside and let him deal with it. That said, what is she going to do next, pee on him to mark her territory? If he dumps the friendship over this, I'm not sure I would let him back if he ends up realizing she's possessive, jealous, and slightly crazy and breaks up with her. NTA.

JaneDoe1812

2y↑1

The fact someone agreed with him disgusts me. Like that's normal. That's completely normal for someone in mourning to do. It wasn't like she wasn't eating for days or not showering for days either. She was just doing some stuff and this dude and that commenter are both terrible people.

K E

@JaneDoe1812 I think someone agreed with him because OP left a LOT of information out of the post. Most of the stuff I posted was in his comment responses to other people, so not everyone saw it. OP tried to of course slant the post and leave out information to make himself look better.

Tegan Davidson

I’ve been with my husband for a decade and the only clothing items of his that I have ever thrown out without his permission are old socks with holes in them that I bought him. He has these really ugly Hawaiian shirts from high school and I won’t throw them or donate them because he doesn’t want me to. I don’t blame your girlfriend for dumping you, you seem inconsiderate.

lee graves

Story 1 op dodged a nuke. She is blaming him for HER failure to look through the clothes being thrown out that is on her 100%.

Melissa Harris

2y↑2

My grandpa has been gone for a number of years. He was 90, and died in his sleep at home. I wasn't the one that found him and I saw him a few days before.
I grabbed a T-shirt of his to remember him by. Then I moved and it got misplaced. I wasn't super emotional, but I was sad.
The shirt was found and made into a teddy bear.
Why the long story? Because while sad, his death wasn't traumatic, and was excepted. I don't know what I would have done if it was sudden, traumatic and I found him. I would probably have had a melt down thinking I lost his shirt.
If it had been an honest mistake, that would be one thing. And MAYBE it was, but that last line 1. Tells me in wasn't 2. Was beyond callous

Peter Anon

2y↑1

Story 2. I would throw out there that this husband is a jerk, but as someone who doesn't share nudes I have to wonder what it people who do thought was going to happen with photos like that. Most of the people you've dated are not your current partner...

LovingLifeButNotOnEarth

2y↑10

Story one update: he sounds worse and worse

Scarlett Granger

2y↑3

"I know the title sounds bad, but hear me out so you can grasp the whole dosis of my assholery" urgh.

Depressed Potato

Story 1 OP thinks a relationship does not require effort at all. Never pays attention to her. Might be assumption but I think everytime the GF griefs her BFF he shuts it down instead of......... yknow, consoling her. His replies shows that. Real quality BF material there.

Weekend Nomad

2y↑2

My husband threw away my kids blanket that her aunt made her personalized I was so upset

ThatWAFFLEGuy 49

hothotheat3000

2y↑1

Someone sounds jealous. It wasn’t your place to do this. Honestly it seems like you really wanted your girlfriend to be your ex girlfriend, and did everything possible to get rid of her. Congratulations.

Max The Cat

2y↑6

When it says “I know it sounds bad but” it’s almost always terrible.

Toy Bonnie

2y↑3

reads title

Welp, we know how this is gonna go. She gonna leave, and he ain’t gonna know why despite the OBVIOUS

DON’T THROW OUT SHIT THAT AIN’T YOURS

AND IF YA DO, DON’T THROW OUT CLEARLY SENTIMENTAL THINGS

Jas

She finds her 10 year strong best friends body after she lost to her depression and he’s calling her obsessive because she put up pictures and watches videos of them during happier times 😑

NonstopDoodle

2y↑1

Either this man is cripplingly self-absorbed, or he legit cannot process empathy. What even…?

Catherine D’orian

2y↑1

The tshirt one was bad but the relationship never would’ve worked. If you go to your friends and family and talk badly about your partner then your relationship won’t survive or won’t survive happily. The friends and family will never forget what you said and they’ll now treat your partner badly and drive you away. Couples need to learn how to talk to each other. Reddit is actually a great resource because it allows someone to ask and get outside opinions from strangers who if they hate the spouse they can’t harm the relationship. I’m not saying that he’s in the right but just that it won’t work until relationship problems are dealt with in relationship

Robert Goshey

1y↑1

Story 1: Dude dodged a bullet. Let me guess: the ex GF has tons of "anxiety" and continuous meetings with a counselor, possibly on lots of anti-depressants. Weak childlike person. Probably working at Twitter.

lee graves

1y↑1

I agree she also knew he was throwing out old clothes and couldn't be bothered to make sure her prized shirt wasn't apart of that? I am guessing he will have a great life and in ten years she will still be blaming him and have gone no where in life.

Susan

2y↑2

Your possessions are yours and no one gets to divide on whether you keep them or not.
I have some things of my late son’s that would make no sense to anyone else, even his father.
Your grief is your own, also how you deal with it.
My son also committed suicide

McCammalot

2y↑2

I still have my father's work coat. He passed nearly THIRTY years ago. (I was quite young.) We toast his memory on his birthday. There are still pictures of him in the house. I would leave this fool without notice or warning or any effing thing.

nightdweller 64

S1 YTA. Omg, OP threw out a massively sentimental item. He totally lacks empathy and understanding. This relationship is doomed
S2. Omg, that husband now has an expiry date. The red knickers have turned into a red flag. He's a moroon. That was not a sharing moment
S3. Nta. The new gf is very insecure about her relationship. OP doesn't need to apologise and Callum needs to hear the full story.

Mkay

2y↑1

Ok sure he’s trying to play it like it was somehow an accident, but to say you don’t even get why she’s upset?! You showed your cards of being a disgusting person. If I threw away something accidentally that meant something to my partner, even for a little thing, let alone losing someone I’d be so sorry.

Adriana Tomic

2y↑2

1. Why would he on regular basis clean closet and waste outfits that is not even yours? Dump your stuff, leave her to sort her stuff if she needed to dump them. I only throw them out when they are too old to even sleep in...that is usually every 10 years. Yeah I would break up too...just for that, but bonus that he did not care how she feels and why.

cemiller1292

47w

S1: nah instant break up for me. My best friend and I have been friends for 10+ years and pretty much consider eachother family, if anyone threw out something sentimental after she died I would not be okay. I imagine ex gf and her friend best friend were the same and its pretty cruel of the op to try and delete any memory of that friend because he's insecure.

lilazul2

Story 1: 5 seconds in and I’m already leaning towards YTA. She would have to be eating the shirt for me to even change my mind.

Mesia Gamer

2y↑1

We need the ex girlfriends perspective those final details make me wonder if op is just a jackass or he got he sensitized to how much trauma the ex girlfriend actually had. Either way story one op fucked up for different reasons.

Edgardo

1y↑1

People put things away of belonged to a deceased loved one on their own time. When my SO passed away I had several poster size pictures around my home, with time I began taking them down when I realized they were not helping my healing, it took me about three years to put them in a closet, but it was my choice and at my time. I still have albums I seldom look at and have sent the majority of the pics to my late SO’s family. Why? Because if anything happens to me in the future they will be safe with family members. I know my family would not have any real interest in keeping them. Again everything was done on my time and for healing.

shootingcomet082

1y↑1

Story 2: And this is why you sent a text to your SO first saying "I'm about to send you something, open it in private."

Otaku Eve

That one comment that said that Opie who threw away the T-shirt that he “ deserve better” either didn’t read the dull story and other comments or he is exactly like 0P.

Star Bird

2y↑1

Story 1 - YTA
The moment he said he admitted he did not pay attention to what his GF said, that was when he became an instadouche. Thank fucking god she dumped him.

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