Fifty-Two
mothersound Lyrics

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I'm confused I'm lost
My mind keeps trying to fight this
Was it worth it?
Did you find the life you wanted?
Mother,
I've had better days but since you've been away
I can't help but stagger
As I make my way through this perpetual nightmare

And I'll say that I don't care
I got these bags under my eyes that seem to tell me otherwise
I'll count my breathing
Until my lungs align with yours
My arms are bleeding
As I scream forevermore
Breathe in
Did you take it all in for the last time? Breathe out
Did I even cross your mind?
I'll count my breathing
Until my lungs align with yours
My arms are bleeding
As I scream forevermore
All this confusion
Is omnipresent
Keeping me low when you found high to feel alive
I swear I see my shame in everything Because you promised me
A life I couldn't lead
And here I am
Holding this gun in hand
Making your same mistakes
I didn't understand
Mother
Did you find the life you wanted
Was it worth it?
I lost a part of me
You pushed me deeper in the dark with every needle that set you free
My mind keeps trying to fight this
We've all got demons
I guess mine wear the face of your memory I swear
I see my shame in everything Because you promised me
A life I couldn't lead
And here I am
Holding this gun in hand
Making your same mistakes
I didn't understand
I swear I see my shame in everything Because you promised me
A life you couldn't lead
And here I am
Holding this gun in hand
Making your same mistakes
I didn't understand
I'll count my breathing
Until my lungs align with yours

My arms are bleeding
As I scream forevermore

Overall Meaning

The song "Fifty-Two" by Mothersound portrays the emotions of a person who has lost their mother to drug addiction. The lyrics convey a sense of confusion, loss, and bitterness towards the mother who promised a better life but ultimately succumbed to addiction. The singer is struggling to cope with the perpetual nightmare that has become their life since their mother's passing. They can't help but stagger and feel like they are holding a gun in their hand about to make the same mistakes their mother did. The singer is haunted by their mother's memory and the shame that comes with it.

The line "My mind keeps trying to fight this" suggests that the singer is grappling with conflicting emotions concerning their mother's addiction. There is the urge to forgive and understand the mother, but at the same time, there is bitterness and a sense of betrayal. The image of the bags under the singer's eyes may represent the emotional burden they are carrying, which keeps them from fully moving on from the situation.

The repetition of the line "I'll count my breathing until my lungs align with yours" suggests that the singer is trying to find solace in connecting with their deceased mother. They want to feel close to their mother despite the pain and loss they experienced due to her addiction.

Overall, the song "Fifty-Two" is a poignant depiction of the impact of addiction on a family. It explores the complex emotions that arise from the loss of a loved one who struggled with addiction.

Line by Line Meaning

I'm confused I'm lost
Feeling bewildered and without direction

My mind keeps trying to fight this
Struggling mentally to come to terms with a situation

Was it worth it?
Questioning whether the sacrifices made were worth the outcome

Did you find the life you wanted?
Asking if the choices made resulted in the desired life

Mother, I've had better days but since you've been away
Addressing the mother and noting that things have not been the same since she left

I can't help but stagger
Feeling unsteady and insecure

As I make my way through this perpetual nightmare
Referring to life as a never-ending bad dream

And I'll say that I don't care
Pretending that everything is okay and that the situation doesn't affect them

I got these bags under my eyes that seem to tell me otherwise
Showing physical signs of exhaustion which belies the artist's statement

I'll count my breathing
Taking deep breaths in order to calm down

Until my lungs align with yours
Striving to be in sync or maybe even rejoining the mother who has passed away

My arms are bleeding
Suffering physically in some way, metaphorically referring to emotional turmoil

As I scream forevermore
Orchestrating an endless scream of pain and confusion

Breathe in
Instructing to take a breath

Did you take it all in for the last time?
Asking if the mother savored her final moments

Breathe out
Instructing to exhale

Did I even cross your mind?
Questioning whether the mother ever thought of the artist

All this confusion
Feeling overwhelmed and unsure

Is omnipresent
Present everywhere

Keeping me low when you found high to feel alive
Feeling trapped while the mother was able to escape a difficult reality

I swear I see my shame in everything
Perceiving everything as a source of guilt or regret

Because you promised me a life I couldn't lead
Acknowledging that the mother had high expectations for the artist that were unattainable

And here I am holding this gun in hand making your same mistakes
Feeling as though they are repeating the mother's missteps and potentially harming themselves

I didn't understand
Lamenting that they didn't comprehend the mother's actions or intentions

My mind keeps trying to fight this
Continuing to struggle mentally

We've all got demons
Acknowledging that everyone has inner struggles

I guess mine wear the face of your memory I swear
Associating the challenges faced with the memory of the mother

I see my shame in everything
Feeling guilt or responsibility for everything that goes wrong

I'll count my breathing
Returning to the practice of taking deep breaths

Until my lungs align with yours
Hoping to connect with the mother even though she has passed

My arms are bleeding
Continuing to suffer metaphorically

As I scream forevermore
Endlessly expressing pain and confusion

Writer(s): Alejandro Ruiz, Jose Lopez

Contributed by Cooper G. Suggest a correction in the comments below.

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