Every Sperm Is Sacred
Monty Python Lyrics

There are Jews in the world
There are people who practice Judaism in this world.

There are Buddhists
There are people who practice Buddhism in this world.

There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are people who practice Hinduism and Mormonism in this world, among others.

There are those that follow Mohammed, but
There are people who follow the Islamic prophet, Mohammed.

I've never been one of them
However, I have not chosen to practice any of those religions.

I'm a Roman Catholic,
Instead, I am a member of the Roman Catholic Church.

And have been since before I was born,
I was born into a Catholic family and raised as a Catholic from birth.

And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
One common belief held about Catholics is:

They'll take you as soon as you're warm
That they will accept anyone into the religion as long as they are baptized shortly after birth.

You don't have to be a six-footer
Being physically tall is not a requirement for being a Catholic.

You don't have to have a great brain
Being intellectually gifted is not a requirement for being a Catholic.

You don't have to have any clothes on
Being clothed is also not a requirement for being a Catholic.

You're a Catholic the moment Dad came,
In the eyes of the Catholic Church, if your father is Catholic and you are baptized, you are considered a Catholic from birth regardless of your personal beliefs.

Every sperm is sacred
The Catholic Church teaches that all sperm, as well as eggs, are sacred and represent the potential for human life.

Every sperm is great
All sperm are important and valuable in the eyes of God.

If a sperm is wasted,
If sperm is not used to create a potentially viable fetus,

God gets quite irate
then it is seen as a waste of God's creation and therefore viewed as a sin.

Every sperm is wanted
The Catholic Church believes that every sperm has the potential to create human life, and thus should not be wasted.

Every sperm is good
Even though sperm are microscopic, they are still viewed as good because of their potential to create new life.

Every sperm is needed
Sperm play a crucial role in the creation of a new human life, and are therefore deemed necessary.

In your neighborhood
New life can be created anywhere by any couple in any community.

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Other religions

Spill theirs just anywhere,
do not believe it is necessary to waste sperm, and do not have the same beliefs about its sacredness.

But God loves those who treat their
According to Catholic beliefs,

Semen with more care
God favors those who treasure their reproductive fluids by only offering them during sexual intercourse devoted to procreation.

Every sperm is useful
Sperm has an end goal that justifies its existence, as it is necessary for the creation of babies.

Every sperm is fine
Despite their small size, even one sperm contributes to the potential for creating new life and thus deserves respect.

God needs everybody's
God requires the contribution of each male's sperm in order to increase the number of followers of the church.

Mine!
Each male within the church is encouraged to propagate in order to increase its following.

And mine!
The more sperm that is produced, in this case, the better.

And mine!
Each male is encouraged to help create as many children as possible to contribute to the Church's growth.

Let the Pagan spill theirs
Pagans, who do not follow the path of Christ, viewed as the main enemy of the Catholic Church,

O'er mountain, hill, and plain
Are thought to spread their sperm carelessly and chaotically across the land.

God shall strike them down for
The Pagan peoples shall face divine punishment for doing so.

Each sperm that's spilt in vain
The Catholic Church teaches that any sperm not used for the good of the church is considered a sin against the Lord.

If a sperm is wasted,
If sperm is not used to try to create life,

CHILDREN:
It is essential to teach the Catholic teachings to others from a young age.

God get quite irate
it is just as bad as murder in the eyes of God, if not worse.

Every sperm is sacred
Omipreseence of the idea throughout the song

BRIDE and GROOM:
The continuation of catholic values through the generations can come from families starting young.

CARDINALS:
High-ranking officials preach the message of being Catholic to those around them.

In your neighbourhood!
One should always try to spread their religious beliefs among their own people and communities.

If a sperm is wasted,
Not using sperm to try to create a baby,

God gets quite iraaaaaate!
Is considered a great sin and must not be taken lightly.