The Couch
Alanis Morissette Lyrics


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You hadn't seen your father in such a long time
He died in the arms of his lover, how dare he?
Your mother never left the house
She never married anyone else
You took it upon yourself to console her

You reminded her so much of your father
So you were banished and you
Wonder why you're so hypersensitive
And why you can't trust anyone but us
But then how can I begin to forgive her
So many years under bridges with dirty water
She was foolish and selfish
And cowardly if you ask me

I don't know where to begin
In all of my fifty odd years
I have been silently suffering
And adapting, perpetuating and enduring

Who are you, younger generation to tell me
That I have unresolved problems
Not many examples of fruits
Of this type of excruciating labor

How can you just throw words around
Like grieve and heal and mourn
I feel fine, we may not have been born
As awake as you were
It was much harder in those days
We had paper routes, uphill both ways
We went from school, to a job to a wife
To instant parenthood

I walked into his office
I felt so self-conscious on the couch
He was sitting down across from me
He was writing down his hypothesis, I don't know
I've got a loving supportive wife
Who doesn't know how involved she should get
You say his interjecting
Was him just calling me on my shit?

Just the other day, my sweet daughter
I was driving past 203
I walked up the stairs in my mind's eye
I remember how they would creak loudly
She was only responsive with a drink
He was only responsive by photo
I was only trying to be
The best big brother I could

I've walked sometimes confused
Sometimes ready to crack open wide
Sometimes indignant, sometimes raw
Can you imagine, I pay him seventy-five dollars an hour?
Sometimes it feels like highway robbery
And sometimes it's peanuts
I wish it could last a couple more hours

So here we both are battling similar demons
Not coincidentally
You seen getting beyond knowing it solely intellectually
You're not relinquishing your majesty
You are wise you are warm
You are courageous, you are big




And I love you more now
Than I ever have in my whole life

Overall Meaning

In Alanis Morissette's song The Couch, she tells the story of a struggling family, where the father had left them, and the mother never left the house nor remarried. The singer, most likely a grown-up child, had tried to console their mother but was banished and left with trust issues. The singer then seeks therapy to deal with their issues, which they find difficult to accept or express. The therapist interjects several times, to which the singer is cynical, unsure if it was helpful or if it was calling them out. The singer reminisces about the childhood, where they had to work for a living and then care for their instant family. In the end, the singer admits to sharing similar demons with the therapist and expresses his love for him.


The song delves deep into the complexities of human problems that linger for many years. The singer's duty to console their mother but being banished for reminding her of their father, who had died in the arms of his lover, created trust issues in them. The mother's inability to come to terms with the father's demise and the singer's banishment created lifelong problems for the whole family. The singer's therapy sessions help explore and understand their problems and why they experience trust issues. Therapy is not questioned, but the singer does question if it is helpful or a way of calling them out.


The therapist's interjections remain extremely helpful, although not accepted by the singer early on. Through the song, Alanis Morissette discusses how it may take years of therapy, and the problems may never entirely go away, but they do get better day by day. Lastly, the song ends on a note of acceptance, with the singer acknowledging the similarity in demons with the therapist, acknowledging love for the therapist, and their growth as a person.


Line by Line Meaning

You hadn't seen your father in such a long time
It had been a long time since you last saw your father


He died in the arms of his lover, how dare he?
He died in the arms of his lover, which upset you


Your mother never left the house
Your mother never left the house after your father died


She never married anyone else
Your mother never got married again after your father's death


You took it upon yourself to console her
You took on the responsibility of comforting your mother


You reminded her so much of your father
Your mother saw a lot of your father in you


So you were banished and you
You were kicked out because of it


Wonder why you're so hypersensitive
You question why you are so emotionally reactive


And why you can't trust anyone but us
You have trouble trusting people, except for us


But then how can I begin to forgive her
You struggle to forgive your mother


So many years under bridges with dirty water
You've been through a lot of hardship for many years


She was foolish and selfish
You think your mother acted foolishly and selfishly


And cowardly if you ask me
You feel that your mother was also cowardly


I don't know where to begin
You don't know where to start


In all of my fifty odd years
In all your years of living


I have been silently suffering
You've been suffering in silence


And adapting, perpetuating and enduring
You've been adapting, continuing, and enduring through it all


Who are you, younger generation to tell me
You question the authority of the younger generation to tell you


That I have unresolved problems
That you still have unresolved problems


Not many examples of fruits
Not many successful examples


Of this type of excruciating labor
Of what you've been through


How can you just throw words around
You question the authenticity of people who throw words around


Like grieve and heal and mourn
Like words such as grieve, heal, and mourn


I feel fine, we may not have been born
You feel okay and remember we weren't born


As awake as you were
As aware as the younger generation is


It was much harder in those days
It was much harder in the past


We had paper routes, uphill both ways
You had to do paper routes and walk uphill both ways


We went from school, to a job to a wife
You went straight from school to working to marriage


To instant parenthood
To becoming parents right away


I walked into his office
You walked into your therapist's office


I felt so self-conscious on the couch
You felt self-conscious on the couch


He was sitting down across from me
Your therapist was sitting across from you


He was writing down his hypothesis, I don't know
He was taking notes as he formed his hypothesis


I've got a loving supportive wife
You have a loving and supportive wife


Who doesn't know how involved she should get
Your wife struggles with knowing how much she should be involved


You say his interjecting
You heard his interjection


Was him just calling me on my shit?
You think he was simply calling you out


Just the other day, my sweet daughter
Recently, with your daughter


I was driving past 203
You drove past a certain location


I walked up the stairs in my mind's eye
In your mind, you walked up the stairs


I remember how they would creak loudly
You remember how the stairs would creak loudly


She was only responsive with a drink
She only responded well after having a drink


He was only responsive by photo
He only responded through photos


I was only trying to be
You were only trying to be


The best big brother I could
The best big brother you could be


I've walked sometimes confused
You've walked sometimes in confusion


Sometimes ready to crack open wide
Sometimes ready to break down


Sometimes indignant, sometimes raw
Sometimes angry, sometimes vulnerable


Can you imagine, I pay him seventy-five dollars an hour?
You pay your therapist $75/hour


Sometimes it feels like highway robbery
Sometimes it feels like you're being robbed


And sometimes it's peanuts
Other times, it doesn't seem worth it


I wish it could last a couple more hours
You wish the session was longer


So here we both are battling similar demons
We are both fighting similar issues


Not coincidentally
This isn't just a coincidence


You seen getting beyond knowing it solely intellectually
You've surpassed just understanding it intellectually


You're not relinquishing your majesty
You refuse to give up your greatness


You are wise you are warm
You are intelligent and comforting


You are courageous, you are big
You are brave and strong


And I love you more now
I love you even more now


Than I ever have in my whole life
More than I ever have before




Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, CONCORD MUSIC PUBLISHING LLC, Peermusic Publishing
Written by: Glen Ballard, Alanis Nadine Morissette

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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