Here I Am
Alexander Lyrics

Why am I not good enough
I constantly question my worth and why I am not perceived as good enough by those around me.

When I try so hard to get there
Despite my insecurities, I put in a lot of effort to try and reach my goals.

Why am I not where I want
Despite my best efforts, I still feel like I haven't achieved my desired level of success.

Why do I think that I can be
I sometimes have moments of doubt and question whether I am capable of achieving anything significant.

Sometimes
Occasionally, I have a longing to escape reality and disconnect from the world around me.

I wanna fade into the universe
I wish I could disappear and become one with the universe, leaving behind all my earthly struggles and concerns.

And leave my name and my number don’t call
I want to leave behind all traces of my existence and sever all connections with the people in my life.

Tear me till there’s nothing left
I feel like I am constantly being torn apart and pushed to my breaking point.

I’ve been dreaming bout a car crash
I have recurring thoughts and dreams about experiencing a traumatic event, like a car crash.

If i could laugh myself to death
I think that if I could just laugh away all my pain and struggles, it would provide a sense of relief and release for me.

I think the pain would go away for good
I believe that laughing myself to death would rid me of all my emotional and physical pain permanently.

Draw until my wrist would break
I use creative outlets like drawing to help me cope with my emotions, even if it causes me physical pain.

Then I’ll do the other one
Even after pushing myself to the point of pain, I still have the drive to continue creating and expressing myself.

Scream until I used to sing
The pain of my struggles has drained me of my ability to express myself through singing or other forms of vocalization.

Never make another song
I fear that I will never be able to create anything meaningful or impactful ever again.

Bleed until my heart had nothing left to pump but oxygen
I feel like I have given everything I have to give, both emotionally and physically, and nothing is left.

I could be so down on myself if i wanted
I sometimes have a tendency to be overly critical of myself and focus on my flaws and shortcomings.

Two poles every now and then I feel divided
I often feel conflicted and torn between two opposing emotions or viewpoints.

How am I to know if my emotions have meaning
I struggle to understand my own emotions and their significance in my life.

When it’s easy in morning and by night I feel defeated
My mood and perception of myself can fluctuate greatly throughout the day, leaving me feeling defeated and drained by nightfall.

Drowning in my shower
I feel overwhelmed and suffocated by my own emotions and thoughts, even in what should be a safe space like the shower.

Please don’t give up hope for me
I need the emotional support and encouragement of those around me to help me navigate through my struggles.

Fight myself for hours
I can spend hours battling with myself over my own insecurities and negative thoughts.

Manic and I oversleep
I struggle with manic episodes that leave me feeling depleted and sleeping for extended periods of time.

Cry until I’m blinded
The emotional pain and stress of my struggles can bring me to tears and leave me feeling incapacitated.

How am I supposed to be
I feel lost and unsure of what my own identity and purpose should be.

If I had my answers
If I could gain clarity and understanding on my own struggles, it would help me find a sense of peace and direction in my life.

Things would be exactly the same
Even with answers or clarity, I fear that my life would remain unchanged and continue to be filled with struggles and insecurities.

I don’t know that I’ll ever change
Despite my desire to overcome my struggles and find inner peace, I have doubts about my ability to change and leave these issues behind me.

I think my vaccination’s worked
I believe that I have developed my own defense mechanism to deal with my struggles, even if it's not a permanent solution.

I hope that I won’t be the same
Despite my doubts, I still hold onto hope that one day I can overcome my struggles and become a better version of myself.

I’m stagnant when I wanted growth
I feel like I have stagnated in my personal growth and development, despite my desire to continue improving and evolving.

And all my music’s so selfish
I feel like my creative expression and music is too focused on my own struggles and experiences, and doesn't offer much to others.

It reflects me well it seems
Despite my insecurity about my music's impact, it does seem to be an accurate reflection of who I am and what I am going through.

And all my needs are so pointless
I often feel like my own needs and desires are insignificant and pointless, as they frequently go unfulfilled.

When I don’t forget to breathe
In moments where I am mindful and aware of my own breathing, I can find moments of peace and clarity.

If you could love me
I crave the emotional support and love of those around me to help me navigate through my struggles.

Tell me and I’ll try to know
I want those around me to be honest and direct with me about their emotions and feelings, even if it's difficult to hear.

If you don’t hate me
I fear that those around me may hold animosity or resentment towards me due to my struggles, despite their showing support.

Please don’t ever let me go
I need the emotional support and guidance of those around me to help me through my struggles and never want to lose that.

I feel so small and all the small things eat me up like I’m the weakest part
I often feel insignificant in the grand scheme of things and struggle to deal with even the smallest issues, as they can have a significant impact on me mentally and emotionally.

They all just harm my body
The stress and anxiety of my struggles can take a physical toll on my body and well-being.