Official website: http://azizisbored.tumblr.com/
I Was The Cutest Kid of All Time
Aziz Ansari Lyrics
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A Round of applause if you got kids somewhere.
Wow.
Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped right now?
I mean, it's like eleven o'clock on a Wednesday. Where is your kid?!?
Seriously
Where is the kid?
Who's watching the kid?
Seriously, get out of here! Go! Leave! Leave! Go! You're sitting here there "ah, ha, ha, ha!" Your kid's in handcuffs!
Probably not. Maybe, but probably not. Look, I'm just saying. I would be constantly worried if I had a kid. I think about how much my mom let me run around when I was a kid. Ten years old running around by myself; going to the mall, to the video arcade, to the toy store.
Crazy.
I should've been getting molested all the time. Like, I don't know how it never happened.
Not even once.
Not even once.
Keep in mind I was the cutest kid of all time. Like, take the most adorable little, brown puppy you can imagine, turn that into a person. That was me as a kid.
Aziz Ansari's "I Was the Cutest Kid of All Time" is a commentary on the constant worry that comes with being a parent. Ansari starts off by addressing the audience, asking if anyone there has kids, and applauds them for it. But, then he goes on to question where the kids are and who's watching them. He jokes about how it's probably some 15-year-old giving a hand job to another idiot 15-year-old. He tells the parents in the audience to leave and check on their kids because they could be in handcuffs. Although he admits that it's unlikely, he still emphasizes the constant worrying that comes with the responsibility of being a parent.
Ansari then reminisces about his childhood and how his mom let him run around by himself when he was ten years old. He describes himself as the cutest kid of all time, like a brown puppy turned into a person. He admits that he should have been getting molested all the time, but it never happened. The audience laughs at this absurd realization, but it also emphasizes how different the world is today and how parents have to be more careful.
The song ultimately highlights the fear and anxiety that comes with being a parent and how it's challenging to let go of the constant worry about their kid's safety.
Line by Line Meaning
Do any of you have kids?
Aziz Ansari is asking the audience if they have children.
A Round of applause if you got kids somewhere.
Aziz Ansari is asking those in the audience with children to applaud.
Wow.
Aziz Ansari is expressing amazement about having kids.
Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped right now?
Aziz Ansari is asking if those in the audience are worried about their children getting kidnapped.
I mean, it's like eleven o'clock on a Wednesday. Where is your kid?!?
Aziz Ansari is questioning where the children are, given that it is a late hour on a weekday.
Seriously
Aziz Ansari is emphasizing the importance of the situation.
Where is the kid?
Aziz Ansari is asking where the children are.
Who's watching the kid?
Aziz Ansari is inquiring as to who is responsible for the children.
Probably some dumb 15 year old giving a hand job to some other 15 year old idiot.
Aziz Ansari is suggesting that the children are being watched by irresponsibile teenagers instead of adults.
Seriously, get out of here! Go! Leave! Leave! Go! You're sitting here there "ah, ha, ha, ha!" Your kid's in handcuffs!
Aziz Ansari is admonishing the parents in the audience for not taking care of their kids and joking around while their children may be getting into trouble.
Probably not. Maybe, but probably not. Look, I'm just saying. I would be constantly worried if I had a kid. I think about how much my mom let me run around when I was a kid. Ten years old running around by myself; going to the mall, to the video arcade, to the toy store.
Aziz Ansari is reflecting on how his mother allowed him to roam around freely as a child and how this would be concerning for him as a parent himself.
Crazy.
Aziz Ansari is expressing disbelief about his own experiences growing up.
I should've been getting molested all the time. Like, I don't know how it never happened.
Aziz Ansari is surprised that he was never molested despite all the freedom he had as a child.
Not even once.
Aziz Ansari is reiterating his surprise that he was never molested.
Keep in mind I was the cutest kid of all time. Like, take the most adorable little, brown puppy you can imagine, turn that into a person. That was me as a kid.
Aziz Ansari is attributing his cuteness as a child to keeping him safe from harm.
Contributed by Mason F. Suggest a correction in the comments below.