Benton Falls was a midwest emo/indie rock band from Santa Rosa, California,… Read Full Bio ↴Benton Falls was a midwest emo/indie rock band from Santa Rosa, California, formed in 2000. The original quartet consisted of Michael Richardson (vox, guitar), Gerb (guitar), Vance Gore (bass), and Eli Deering (drums). The band's music is influenced by such bands as Sunny Day Real Estate, Braid, and Jawbox. Their first appearance on record was on the compilation The Silence in My Heart: The Emo Diaries Chapter Six on the independent Deep Elm label in July 2001 (with the track "Tell Him"), and a month after it's release, they brought out their first full-length album Fighting Starlight, again on Deep Elm Records. Soon after, Gerb left the band. In the winter of 2002 the band went back into the recording studio to work on their follow up album, Guilt Beats Hate, which was released in the spring of 2003. Due to their appearances on emo compilation records and their heartfelt, personal lyrics, the band is sometimes referred to as a "second generation" emo band, along with other similar bands active during the 2000's, like The Get Up Kids and Moneen.

Always Behind A Smile
Benton Falls Lyrics

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Ten years and you're back again.
But I don't want to go back to this.
These kids were not my friends. high school memories just like a kiss.

Forget how they laughed.
Forget how I cried.
Forget everything.
Forget how I lied to myself.

Just like a kiss and I can't forget how it was.
Just like a kiss. and I can't forget my discomfort.

I'll never forget hiding behind this smile.
I never intended to let them see me while I was afraid.

Always hiding behind something.
That something's changing all the time.

It seems I'm crying about nothing.
Or maybe it's something I kept inside of myself

Overall Meaning

The lyrics of Benton Falls's song "Always Behind A Smile" convey a sense of familiarity mixed with discomfort and anxiety. The singer is faced with the prospect of reconnecting with old high school friends, after a decade has passed. However, instead of feeling enthused or nostalgic, the singer feels apprehensive and unwilling to revisit those memories. He or she had not considered the high school acquaintances as real friends, and recollects their interactions as being reminiscent of a fleeting kiss, forever frozen in time.

The chorus repeats the phrase "Just like a kiss," which reinforces the idea that the memories associated with high school form a strong yet distant memory, one that evokes both tenderness and discomfort. The singer remembers how he or she was forced to perform or "lie" to themselves, by putting on a mask of happiness or a smile, to hide their true feelings or anxieties. The repeated line "I'll never forget hiding behind this smile" encapsulates the idea that one can never truly forget the pain of hiding behind an insincere, false front.

The lyrics suggest that the singer is still struggling to cope with something that they have been hiding inside of themselves, whether it be a past trauma or a grudge. Ultimately, the song is about the complexities of human emotions and social interactions, and how sometimes, past traumas or past experiences can have a lasting impact on one's life.

Line by Line Meaning

Ten years and you're back again.
After a decade, you have returned once more.

But I don't want to go back to this.
However, I am not keen on revisiting the past.

These kids were not my friends.
The people I went to high school with were not my companions.

High school memories just like a kiss.
The memories from secondary school are akin to a kiss.

Forget how they laughed.
I must abandon their laughter in my recollections.

Forget how I cried.
I must forget about my tears.

Forget everything.
I must essentially forget it all.

Forget how I lied to myself.
I must forget how I deceived myself.

Just like a kiss and I can't forget how it was.
It is comparable to a kiss, and I cannot overlook how it felt.

Just like a kiss. and I can't forget my discomfort.
It is just like a kiss, and I cannot forget how uncomfortable it felt.

I'll never forget hiding behind this smile.
I will always remember concealing myself behind this smile.