The Scotsman
Bryan Bowers Lyrics

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
A man wearing a traditional Scottish kilt exited a bar during an enjoyable evening.

And one could tell by how he walked that he drank more than his share
His unsteady gait indicated that he had likely imbibed a greater amount of alcohol than he should have.

He fumbled around until he could no longer keep his feet
He stumbled, unable to maintain a steady footing on the ground.

Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
He stumbled into the grass and decided to rest beside the road.

About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by
Coincidentally, two attractive young women appeared at that moment.

And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
One of the women spoke to the other, indicating that she had an idea or a plan.

See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
Referencing the sleeping man, the woman pointed out that he was physically impressive and attractive.

I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
The woman wondered aloud if the common myth about kilts not having undergarments was accurate.

She crept up on that sleeping Scotsman as quiet as could be
One of the women approached the sleeping man cautiously and silently.

And lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
Having reached the sleeping man, the woman lifted his kilt slightly to look underneath.

And there behold unto their view beneath his Scottish skirt
What they saw under his kilt was now visible to them.

Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
To their surprise, what was seen was simply the man's natural anatomy.

They marveled for a moment than one said we must be gone
After being momentarily surprised, the women decided to leave without being detected.

Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along
Before they left, the women decided to play a prank and leave something behind as a gift for the sleeping man.

As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow
Their gift was a blue ribbon, tied in a bow, placed onto the sleeping man's kilt as a humorous decoration.

Around the bonny star the Scot's kilt did lift and show
The ribbon was placed in a location which, when lifted, drew humorous attention to the man's anatomy.

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees
Having awoken, the man needed to urinate and walked unsteadily to a nearby area of trees.

Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gasps at what he sees
Lifting his kilt to relieve himself, he was surprised and shocked by what he now saw.

And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
He spoke aloud to what was in front of him, after the surprising sight he had just experienced.

Oh lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize!
The man joked about what he had just discovered, using humorous language to describe the prank left behind by the two women.