Thoughts Of Suicide
Ca$his Lyrics

Lies in the game, I entertain,
I participate in and promote deceit and dishonesty in the rap industry in order to gain recognition and success.

The last lines of the next Kurt Kobain,
I fear that my suicide is imminent and that I will end up like Kurt Cobain, a musician who died by suicide.

Standin at the mirror with a nine at my brain,
I contemplate suicide and hold a gun to my head in despair.

Most rap guys wanna die for the fame,
Many rappers are willing to sacrifice their lives for fame and fortune.

And I cant change cause I entertain,
I am unable to change my ways of promoting lies because it's what I do to entertain my audience.

Can sniff three verses, through lines of cane,
I can write three verses while consuming cocaine.

You just realized that Im insane,
You've only just come to the realization that I am mentally unstable.

Im enraged engaged in a war of ways,
I'm intensely angry and involved in a battle of conflicting values and beliefs.

They can have me spray shots off the stage,
My rap enemies or anyone who wants to harm me can shoot me down while performing.

If I die like Malcolm, will you feel my pain?
If I am assassinated like Malcolm X, will you empathize with my suffering?

Or just cry like a bitch while I lay in my grave
Or will you just mourn me passively without taking any action to prevent my death?

If I die like Pac cause I yearned to bang,
If I die like Tupac Shakur because I was involved in gang violence, will you judge me for it?

You discredit me, like I never learned a thang,
You dismiss or discredit my knowledge and experiences as if I've never learned anything in life.

If I died like Big, would you praise my rhymes,
If I die like The Notorious B.I.G, will you celebrate my music and lyrics?

And give me the spot best of all time
Will you honor me by remembering me as one of the greatest rappers of all time?

If I died in N Y with the West Coast ride,
If I die in New York as a West Coast rapper, will there be conflict between the two coasts after my death?

And the beef not stopping till hip hop died,
Will the rivalry and tensions between the East and West coasts of hip hop continue after my death?

Will a nigga who don't understand that line,
Will someone who doesn't comprehend the cultural and social context I'm from try to harm me because of it?

Try and damage my safety in NY?
Will someone attempt to harm me while I'm in New York?

Will the rap game embrace me, cause I got skill?
Will the rap industry accept and appreciate me for my talent and abilities?

For the lies of that man, will I get killed?
Will I be murdered because of false accusations or lies spread about me?

Will the crimes of my youth come back to haunt me?
Will my past mistakes or illegal actions have negative consequences for me?

By the time I shoot, my father want me?
Will my father disown me by the time I commit suicide?

When I tour will my girl, become a whore,
Will my girlfriend or partner become unfaithful while I'm on tour?

And come back home and cant fuck her raw,
And when I return, will we be unable to have raw sex due to her infidelity?

If I walk on stage like fuck the law,
If I perform while expressing defiance or rebellion against society's laws and regulations,

Will the hip hop cops try and kill my squad?
Will the police or law enforcement agencies target and try to harm myself or other members of my rap group?

Will the niggas on my team really ride like they say?
Will my rap colleagues and associates truly stay loyal to me and have my back as they claim?

Or push me in the shots, 'he gon die anyway'
Or will they betray me by intentionally putting me in danger or giving me up to be shot or killed?

Is niggas really jealous, cause I got shine?
Are people envious and resentful of me because I have achieved recognition, fame, or wealth?

Is it envy from the fellas, cause I got signed?
Is it particularly male individuals who are envious and hostile toward me because I've signed a record deal?

Will the whole hood hate, cause I speak my mind,
Will my community or neighborhood despise me because I express my honest or controversial opinions?

Will I die for a rhyme before I reach my prime?
Will I perish or face danger as a result of my lyrics or music, before I have the chance to truly succeed?

If I kill my bitch, like Robert Blake,
If I murder my girlfriend or partner, like actor Robert Blake was accused of doing, will I be able to avoid punishment because of my wealth and status?

Do I got enough money, to beat the case?
Will my financial resources be enough to bribe or manipulate the authorities and escape legal consequences?

If I crash out, right before I end the race,
If I suffer a fatal accident or collapse just before achieving success or reaching the end of my journey,

And die for I come out, would you fell my pain?
Will anyone truly understand or feel the sadness and pain I experienced before my premature death?

Im almost to a point, where I cant be saved
I'm reaching a state of hopelessness and despair that cannot be remedied or saved.

My mind state at a place, where it cant be changed
My psychological state has become too entrenched and unchangeable.

Laws gotta nigga stuck, like he cant be brave,
Laws and regulations have restricted and hindered me to the point where I feel helpless and unable to be courageous.

But I gotta back up, all the shit I say,
I have to stand behind and take responsibility for all the things I've said and done in my lyrics and music.

Its lies in the game, I entertain,
There's a culture of dishonesty and deceiving in the rap industry that I promote and take part in.

Standin in the mirror with a nine at my brain
I stand alone, staring at myself in the mirror with a gun pointed toward my head.

Most rap guys wanna die for the fame.
Many rappers are willing to sacrifice their lives in pursuit of fame and fortune.

Im just getting high, getting high,
I'm consuming drugs to numb or cope with my feelings of pain and hopelessness.

Thinking suicide, suicide,
I'm constantly considering and contemplating taking my own life.