Jackass In A Can
Cast of Galavant Lyrics

Well, another party for the fancy folk that get to bathe once a month.
Commenting on the wealthy people attending the party who are widely rumoured to only bathe once a month

Oh, that reminds me: Did you hear about the knight that got off his high horse?
Asking if Galavant has heard about any knights admitting their arrogance

Me neither. *all squires laugh*
The squires sarcastically joke that no such knight would ever actually admit to being wrong

Knights suck.
Squire 2 expresses his opinion that knights are bad people

They're not all that bad are they?
Galavant counters Squire 2's comment, questioning whether all knights are really that terrible

Sure, they are.
Squire 3 reassures Squire 2 that it's not just their knight who is insufferable, but all of them

Worse even.
Squire 4 agrees with Squire 3, stating that knights are even worse than they imagined

Your average knight in armor, he's utterly the pits
The squires collectively mock knights, emphasizing their lack of character and flaws

His ego's so humungous, his helmet barely fits
The knights are so arrogant that their egos exceed what their helmets can comfortably contain

He wears two tons of padding and thinks he's quite the man
The knights wear excessive amounts of armor, which leads them to believe they are more impressive than they are

He's nothing but a jackass in a fancy metal can
The squires reduce a knight to a jackass in armor, highlighting their belief that knights are not impressive

There's nothing worser than
The squires conclude that knights are the worst

Some high and mighty jackass in a can
The squires mock knights who believe they are better than others by describing them as a jackass in armor

My master hasn't had a sip of his port without my spit in it in years. I got him cravin' it now. I gave him two months without it, he said it didn't taste right. *all squires laugh*
Squire 1 brags about his control over his master by admitting he spits in his drink, much to the amusement of the other squires

So, what about your knight? Is he as bad as ours?
Squire 2 asks Galavant if his knight is similarly terrible to the ones the squires are familiar with

And then those big, long lances
Galavant begins listing the things he dislikes about knights

Yeah, to overcompensate
Squire 3 agrees with Galavant, suggesting that the knights use such weapons to hide their own inadequacies

The glamor and swagger
Galavant refers to knights' flashy, often undeserved confidence and style

Yeah, I'm not really a fan
Squire 1 expresses his dislike of these qualities

He's quite--
Galavant tries to finish his thought but is interrupted

A major dillweed?
Squire 2 provides an insulting term for knights

In a fancy metal can
Galavant agrees with the squires that knights are overrated

There's nothing lamer than
The squires continue to express their disdain for knights

A condescending dillweed in a can
Another insult for knights, emphasizing their arrogance and unimpressive nature

And who does all the planning
The squires begin listing tasks knights do not do themselves

Yeah, and who does all the work
Squire 2 adds to Squire 1's question, suggesting that knights are not useful

True
Galavant acknowledges the squires' points

Who gets no vacation
The squires argue that they receive none of the benefits of being a knight

Not one pay raise, not one perk
The lack of compensation made to squires is highlighted

Whose third rate insurance comes without a dental plan
The squires are not given adequate medical coverage, including dental insurance

Your average, humble squire
Galavant refers to himself and other squires as humble in comparison to knights

And not the meathead in the can
Galavant and the squires distinguish themselves from knights, referring to them as meatheads

That jerkface in a can
Another insult for knights, implying they are unpleasant to be around

There's nothing sadder than
Galavant and the squires mock knights one last time

Some over muscled, chauvinistic,
Galavant lists characteristics of knights that make them unappealing

Self indulgent, egotistic,
Continuing the list of qualities Galavant believes knights possess

Stingy, prissy, narcississy
The squires join in on the list of ways to criticize knights

Jackass in a can!
The song concludes by reiterating the squires' belief that knights are unimpressive individuals

Oh, my God. That's me.
Galavant is disheartened to realize that he himself is a knight and fits the negative stereotype