First Redneck On The Internet
Cledus T. Judd Lyrics
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My wife run off with my TV set,
Didn't bother me none that she had to go,
'Cept I's gonna miss all my TV shows.
So I looked up to heaven, got down on my knees.
An' I cried, "Dear Lord, will you help me, please."
"I need a TV by tomorrow night,
Well I guess my tytheing finally paid off,
Cause early next mornin' shoulda seen what I saw.
Reached in my overhorse for my inhaler,
Cause there's a big brown box there, right in my trailer.
I used my truck keys, cut open the box,
I was hopin' for a Sony or a Magnavox.
I looked at the name and thought, "Oh my gosh!
"This must be a new one called Macintosh."
Well my last TV was a whole lot wider,
But this'n here come with its own typewriter.
It had all the letters from A to Z,
I guess you just type in what you wanna see.
Well I thought I punched up, "You done help,"
But the TV Screen said World Wide Web.
Then I broke out in a cold, cold sweat,
I's the first redneck on the internet.
He was the first red neck on the internet,
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat.
He went on line just one time,
And now they won't forget,
The first redneck on the internet.
It was all so new, I shoulda taken my time,
But I slammed that mouse up in four-wheel drive.
Last time I did so much pointin' and clickin'
I had a .22 rifle shootin' at chickens.
Then, all of a sudden it occurred to me,
The power I had with this fancy TV.
I could get back at my ex-wife,
With the touch of a button, I could ruin her life.
So I got the number off her Mastercard,
I bought a new lift kit and four new tires.
Then, I got on line to her bank account,
Went ahead and closed that sucker out.
I had her power and her water shut, slap, off.
The I sent an e-mail to her dead plain boss,
Lettin' him know that she told me,
She'd have his job by the end of the week.
He was the first red neck on the internet,
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat.
He went on line just one time,
And now they'll never forget, (Won't forget.)
The first redneck on the internet.
Now the moral of the story, as a matter of fact,
In a couple of days I got my TV back.
She said she'd like to come back, as well.
I told her to go straight to AOL.
Now, thank the Lord that the UPS,
For droppin' that box at Cledus' address.
If they ever wanna find him, it won't take long,
Type www.cledus.com
To reach the first red neck on the internet,
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat.
He went on line just one time,
And now they'll never forget, (Won't forget.)
He was the first red neck on the internet.
The first red neck on the internet.
Hey Buck, p'preciate your help, you are the man.
World Wide Web, population four zillion. Cy hoot
The song "First Redneck on the Internet" by Cledus T. Judd is a humorous take on a redneck's first encounter with the internet. The lyrics describe how his wife leaves him and takes his TV with her, and he prays to God for a new TV just in time for Rick Flairs's title fight. He receives a mysterious package which turns out to be a computer with internet access, and he accidentally discovers the power of the World Wide Web. He uses his newfound knowledge to seek revenge on his wife and her employer but eventually finds love again through the internet.
The song is a satirical commentary on the stereotype of rednecks as simple-minded and technologically inept. It also highlights the potential dangers of misusing the internet for personal gain. By using his computer to ruin his ex-wife's life, the singer becomes a "countrified cyber-threat" and reinforces negative perceptions of those from rural areas.
Line by Line Meaning
Well, Lordy, mercy, I's in a mess,
I am in trouble as my wife has left with my TV set and I'll miss my TV shows.
So I looked up to heaven, got down on my knees.
I prayed to God for help to get a TV by tomorrow for a wrestling match.
"Cause Rick Flair's involved in a title fight."
I need a TV for Rick Flair's wrestling fight which is tomorrow.
Reached in my overhorse for my inhaler,
I was excited and needed my inhaler because I saw a big brown box in my trailer.
Cause there's a big brown box there, right in my trailer.
I saw a big brown box in my trailer and I was excited as I was hoping to find a TV inside it.
Well I guess my tytheing finally paid off,
God helped me as I found a new TV in the box after praying for it.
I looked at the name and thought, "Oh my gosh!
I was surprised to see the name of the TV as Macintosh instead of Sony or Magnavox.
This must be a new one called Macintosh."
I thought this must be a new brand of TV called Macintosh.
Well my last TV was a whole lot wider,
My previous TV was much larger than the new one.
But this'n here come with its own typewriter.
The new TV had a built-in typewriter with all the letters from A to Z for typing what I want to watch.
I guess you just type in what you wanna see.
You can type in what you want to watch on the TV.
But the TV Screen said World Wide Web.
I tried to search for something on the TV but it showed World Wide Web on the screen.
Then I broke out in a cold, cold sweat,
I got scared when I realized that I was the first redneck on the internet.
I's the first redneck on the internet.
I became the first redneck on the internet after accessing it through my new TV.
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat.
I was a legitimate threat on the internet with my country roots.
He went on line just one time,
I accessed the internet only once but made a big impact.
And now they won't forget,
My actions on the internet will not be forgotten.
Well, I slammed that mouse up in four-wheel drive.
I navigated the internet quickly using the mouse as if I was driving my truck.
Last time I did so much pointin' and clickin',
The last time I did so much pointing and clicking, it was with a rifle shooting at chickens.
I could get back at my ex-wife,
I realized that I could get revenge on my ex-wife using the power of the internet.
With the touch of a button, I could ruin her life.
I could easily ruin my ex-wife's life with a single button click on the internet.
Then, I got on line to her bank account,
I accessed my ex-wife's bank account on the internet.
Went ahead and closed that sucker out.
I closed her bank account on the internet, causing her financial trouble.
I had her power and her water shut, slap, off.
I shut off my ex-wife's power and water supply using the internet.
The I sent an e-mail to her dead plain boss,
I sent an email to my ex-wife's boss telling him that she threatened to have him fired.
Lettin' him know that she told me,
I told her boss that my ex-wife confessed to wanting his job.
Now the moral of the story, as a matter of fact,
The moral of the story is...
In a couple of days I got my TV back.
I got my TV back within a few days.
She said she'd like to come back, as well.
My ex-wife wanted to come back to me.
I told her to go straight to AOL.
I rejected my ex-wife and told her to go to America Online instead.
If they ever wanna find him, it won't take long,
If anyone wants to find me on the internet, it's easy.
Type www.cledus.com
Just type www.cledus.com to find the first redneck on the internet.
Lyrics © HIPGNOSIS SONGS GROUP, BMG Rights Management, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, WORDS & MUSIC A DIV OF BIG DEAL MUSIC LLC
Written by: JIM BEAVERS, STEVEN BRETT BEAVERS, CLEDUS JUDD
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
@carlschupp8489
Let me tell you a story about a thug named Ned,
a poor old boy who got himself a backside full of lead,
it happened one day when he was feelin' kinda rude,
and took down a man cause he was simply wearing blue,
the man that is, in cold blood, feelin' mean,
well the first thing you know, ole Ned's a prisonaire,
the prison folk say hey ned escape away from here,
said, the electric chair is no place you wanna be,
so he loaded up his things and escaped the penitentiary!
@SIM2014
Honey, before I knew you I used to do those things that most men do so please don't be suspicious because you know that I love you
You helped to pull me threw
Like a strong cigarette,
You were the missing part of my life,
That's why I made you my wife,
You helped to keep me warm, when I was feeling cold,
And that why I'm sure you'll still be here when I get old!
So long to drinking beer, getting into barfights and howling and whitstleing at pretty young women now that she's apart of my life!
Honey, when I met you I stopped doing those things that most men do,
But I became suspicious when most men started looking at you, so you know what I done did my strong cigarette?
If they was gonna take away apart of my life, they was gonna have to do it over my knife, then set them on the wall next to the mother in law then sit in jail until I get old!
So long to drinking beer, getting I to bar fights and howling and whistling at pretty young women now that she's apart of my life!
Now my honey dew Mellon, I know how this may all look but I'm telling you sugar pudding, if your getting this, I'm going to need to post bail so can you please start your next bake sale!
So long to drinking beer getting into barfights and howling and whistling at pretty young women now that she's apart of my life,
I said,
So long to drinking beer, getting into barfights and howling and whistling at pretty young women now that she's apart of my life!
That's all folks!
@sniffles8655
Where did the 90s go? Used to sit on the school bus and listen to Cledus almost every dang day. Life felt so good.
@reddhead2948
The same place the 80s went the back of our brains
@tylerjamesBTG
I'm singing along to these songs on the bus to school and getting some weird looks lol
@joshuabrooks4247
Cledus is known for his many parodies, but this is a Cledus original, and a dandy. Thanks for posting it.
@comettamer
It like Weird Al for country music.
@redneck400m3
@@comettamer
I always felt cledus was more talented and funnier then al
@BigSteve9713
@@redneck400m3 that's a bold statement you're going to have to revise
@redneck400m3
@@BigSteve9713 Nah
@christopherfoley8322
I just discovered Cledus today after hearing his parody of Toby Keith's "How do you like me now", and that had me rolling.
@jeffclark7888
Two thumbs up for Buck Owens and for hockey!