Third Rock from Her Thumb
Cledus T. Judd Lyrics

Well, he walks in the pawn shop, one thing on his mind Wants to buy a diamond but he doesn't have a dime He finds the one he likes and they cut him quite a deal A two carat solitaire but neither one's real
A man goes to a pawn shop to buy a diamond without any money, he picks a two-carat solitaire but realizes later that neither of the diamonds in the ring is real.

Picks up the pay phone, puts it to his ear Calls his chick, collect and says, "Get over here" When he shows his girlfriend, she can't believe her eyes She never thought she'd ever really get one that size He tries to think of somethin' when she asked him "where'd you get it?" Down at diffie's pawn but he never will admit it
The man calls his girlfriend and tells her to come over. She is surprised to see the ring and asks him where he got it from. He admits to buying it from a pawn shop but does not want to tell her the actual name of the shop.

He tries to change the subject, "Forget the wedding list Let's head on out to Vegas and get it over with"
In an attempt to avoid further questions from his girlfriend, the man suggests that they get married in Las Vegas instead of going ahead with the wedding preparations.

Flaws and defects, no billing ads Hope she never finds out how much he spent Nothin' else shines like a zirconia Don't tell her what it's worth, third rock from her thumb
The man hopes that his girlfriend never finds out the truth about the ring and that she believes that it is a real diamond. He believes that there is nothing else that shines like a zirconia and this ring is the third most important thing on her finger.

Just outside of Vegas, the truck gets a flat She says, "We woulda made it if you weren't so doggone fat" They try to hitch a ride from some hippies in a van To a ratty little motel called 'The S and M grand'
On their way to Las Vegas, their truck gets a flat tire. The man's girlfriend blames him for being overweight that has caused the tire to go flat. They hitch a ride with some hippies to a motel called 'The S and M grand'.

Puts on her little nightie, gives him a little wink Ring slips off her finger, down the bathroom sink She starts to call a plumber, he begins to shout "Give me a coat-hangar, I think I can get it out" Fishes out the ring in a big ball of hair Slips it on her finger as he pats her derriere
His girlfriend puts on her nightwear and the ring slips off her finger and falls into the bathroom sink. She tries to call a plumber but the man asks for a coat-hanger to get the ring out of the sink. He retrieves the ring stuck in a ball of hair from the drain and puts it back on her finger.

Thinkin' to himself, "It's a lucky thing A plumber woulda cost me much more than that ring"
The man thinks to himself that he got lucky that he was able to retrieve the ring from the sink without having to call a plumber and that it would have cost him more than the ring itself.

Wonder what it's worth, third rock from her thumb Don't tell him what it's worth, third rock from her thumb Flaws and defects, no billing ads Hope she never finds out how much I spent Nothin' else shines like a zirconia Don't tell her what it's worth, third rock from her thumb
The third rock (ring) on her finger is important to both of them, one wonders about its worth while the other (man) hopes she never finds out how much he actually spent on it. The man believes that nothing shines better than a zirconia and hopes she never asks about the worth of the ring again.