Botulism On The Hoof
Frank Zappa Lyrics


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Howard: Oh, that's really great! Botulism on the hoof!
Dick: Don't even look at it, Howard, you're over the deadline
Jeff: The new fascist ensemble says that you can't have anything to eat, man, 'cause you're over the deadline
Howard: What's that mean?
Dick: I told you to be down here at noon, man, you're five minutes late, so you can't order, listen, listen . . .
Howard: You . . . told [...], man
Dick: These guys ordered like ten minutes ago
Howard: It's like having Ronald Reagan for a road manager . . . what can you make me in two minutes?
Dick: The deal is that, uh . . .
Howard: . . . besides sick!
Dick: If you help me, uh, . . . for the airport, man, you be able to woof down some kind of scarf out there
Howard: What do you mean, "Woof down some kind of scarf out there"?
Dick: Then you can stick your fingers in your nose
Howard: I'm hungry, man
Dick: Eat a payday candy bar
Howard: Listen, how about a little dry cereal? How 'bout an orange juice




Dick: Never happened, man
Jeff: Hey, get it on tape, that Barber is a doofus, man

Overall Meaning

The lyrics to Frank Zappa's song "Botulism On The Hoof" are full of witty wordplay and satirical commentary on the machinations of the music industry. The conversation between the characters in the song is fragmented and disjointed, with each one talking over each other and interrupting the others, creating a chaotic and frenzied atmosphere.


The song starts off with Howard expressing his excitement about "Botulism on the hoof", a reference to the danger of eating contaminated beef, which sets the tone for the offbeat humor that characterizes the rest of the lyrics. The other characters in the song, Dick and Jeff, are frustrated with Howard's tardiness and lack of professionalism, and deny him food because of it. The chaos of the situation is emphasized by the line, "It's like having Ronald Reagan for a road manager", highlighting the absurdity of the situation.


The lyrics go on to parody the jargon-filled language of the music industry, with references to the "new fascist ensemble" and "scarfing" down food. The line "Then you can stick your fingers in your nose" is a humorous way of saying that Howard will have time to relax once they get to the airport. The song ends with Jeff calling Howard a "doofus", suggesting that he is not taken seriously in the music business.


Line by Line Meaning

Howard: Oh, that's really great! Botulism on the hoof!
Howard expresses excitement about the food, Botulism on the hoof.


Dick: Don't even look at it, Howard, you're over the deadline
Dick tells Howard not to look at the food as he is five minutes late for the deadline.


Jeff: The new fascist ensemble says that you can't have anything to eat, man, 'cause you're over the deadline
Jeff tells Howard that the new fascist ensemble won't allow him to order food because he is late for the deadline.


Howard: What's that mean?
Howard asks the meaning of the new fascist ensemble's restriction on food.


Dick: I told you to be down here at noon, man, you're five minutes late, so you can't order, listen, listen . . .
Dick reminds Howard that he was supposed to be there by noon and he is now late, so he can't order food.


Howard: You . . . told [...], man
Howard is surprised that Dick didn't tell him earlier about the time restriction for ordering food.


Dick: These guys ordered like ten minutes ago
Dick points out that other customers have already ordered their food ten minutes ago.


Howard: It's like having Ronald Reagan for a road manager . . . what can you make me in two minutes?
Howard complains that Dick is like Ronald Reagan and asks what he can make for him in two minutes.


Dick: The deal is that, uh . . .
Dick tries to explain the situation to Howard.


Howard: . . . besides sick!
Howard adds that he doesn't want to get sick from the food.


Dick: If you help me, uh, . . . for the airport, man, you be able to woof down some kind of scarf out there
Dick promises Howard that if he helps him with something, he'll be able to eat something at the airport.


Howard: What do you mean, "Woof down some kind of scarf out there"?
Howard questions the use of the phrase "woof down some kind of scarf out there."


Dick: Then you can stick your fingers in your nose
Dick jokes and tells Howard that he can stick his fingers in his nose after he eats.


Howard: I'm hungry, man
Howard expresses that he is hungry.


Dick: Eat a payday candy bar
Dick suggests that Howard eat a payday candy bar instead of asking for food.


Howard: Listen, how about a little dry cereal? How 'bout an orange juice
Howard suggests dry cereal or orange juice as an alternative to getting a meal.


Dick: Never happened, man
Dick rejects Howard's suggestion of dry cereal or orange juice.


Jeff: Hey, get it on tape, that Barber is a doofus, man
Jeff calls Howard a doofus and suggests recording it on tape.




Contributed by John L. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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