I Want Candy Dead
Geoffrey Paris Lyrics

Will somebody answer the fucking phone? Good Lord.
Geoffrey is frustrated that no one is answering the phone.

Hello?
Geoffrey answers the phone.

Hey Justin.
Geoffrey mistakenly thinks he's talking to his friend Justin.

My name isn't Justin.
The person on the other end corrects Geoffrey.

Hey. It's Aaron.
The person identifies themselves.

That's great.
Geoffrey doesn't really care.

I can't come out tonight.
Geoffrey declines to go out.

What?
The person on the other end is surprised.

I'm going to see this girl.
Geoffrey is going out to see a girl named Candy.

But I thought we were gonna have an orgy.
The person on the other end is confused because they thought it was going to be a group event.

No. No. Her name is Candy.
Geoffrey clarifies that it's just him and Candy.

I don't care what her name is.
The person on the other end doesn't really care.

She's real cute. I gotta go. See ya.
Geoffrey is excited to see Candy and hangs up.

What? Oh, hell no.
The other person is annoyed.

I know a girl who's tough but sweet.
Geoffrey is describing Candy.

She's so fine she can't be beat.
Geoffrey thinks Candy is very attractive.

She's got everything that I Desire.
Geoffrey is lusting after Candy.

Set the summer sun on fire.
Geoffrey thinks Candy is hot and fiery.

I want Candy. (Ew.)
Geoffrey really wants to be with Candy, but the listener thinks it's gross.

I want Candy. (I didn't know you liked the taco.)
The listener is making a crude joke about Geoffrey's sexuality.

I want Candy. (Are you sure it's not Randy?)
The listener is making another crude joke about Geoffrey's sexuality.

I want Candy. (I'll kill that bitch.)
Geoffrey is getting aggressive in his desire for Candy.

Go to see her when the sun goes down.
Geoffrey plans to see Candy in the evening.

Ain't no finer girl in town.
Geoffrey thinks Candy is the best in town.

You're my girl, what the doctor ordered.
Geoffrey thinks Candy is perfect for him.

So sweet she makes my mouth water.
Geoffrey finds Candy extremely attractive.

I want Candy. (Yeah, candy penis.)
The listener is making fun of Geoffrey's obsession with Candy.

I want Candy. (You're gonna smell like fish.)
The listener is being crude again.

I want Candy. (Bitch, you're not Willy Wonka.)
Geoffrey is getting annoyed with the listener's comments.

I want Candy. (She's just a loose-pussied ho.)
Geoffrey is very disrespectful towards Candy.

Hey. (What?)
Geoffrey keeps saying 'hey' to get the other person's attention.

Hey. (What?!)
The other person is annoyed with Geoffrey.

Hey. (Why do you keep saying hey?)
The other person is confused about why Geoffrey keeps saying 'hey'.

Hey. (Stop it.)
The other person wants Geoffrey to stop saying 'hey'.

Hey. (What is this hey?)
The other person is annoyed and wants to know why Geoffrey keeps saying 'hey'.

Hey. (Stop it.)
The other person is really getting annoyed now.

Hey. (I will kill you. Shut up.)
The other person is threatening Geoffrey.

Hey.
Geoffrey continues to say 'hey'.

Candy on the beach, there's nothing better.
Geoffrey is describing a perfect scenario with Candy.

But I like Candy when it's wrapped in a sweater.
Geoffrey finds Candy attractive no matter what she's wearing.

Someday soon I'll make you mine.
Geoffrey is determined to win Candy over.

Then I'll have Candy all the time.
Geoffrey wants to be with Candy all the time.

I want Candy. (It's not even Halloween.)
The listener is making another joke about Geoffrey's desire for Candy.

I want Candy. (She's not even a real girl.)
The listener continues to mock Geoffrey.

I want Candy. (Great. Let's go to WalMart and get some.)
The listener thinks Geoffrey's obsession with Candy is ridiculous.

I want Candy. (Oh, God, we get the point.)
The listener is tired of hearing about Candy.

Candy in the morning time. (Ew.)
The listener still thinks Candy is gross.

Candy in the hot sunshine. (Ew.)
The listener is still grossed out.

Candy, baby, can't you see? (No.)
Geoffrey is addressing Candy.

All I want is your Candy! (Gross.)
The listener thinks Geoffrey's comments are disgusting.

Candy in the morning time. (Ew.)
The listener is really grossed out now.

Candy in the hot sunshine. (Ew.)
The listener is disgusted.

Candy, baby, can't you see? (No.)
Geoffrey is still talking to Candy.

All I want is your Candy!
Geoffrey is basically pleading for Candy's attention.

Hey. (Oh, not again.)
The listener is annoyed that Geoffrey is still saying 'hey'.

Hey. (Shut up.)
The listener wants Geoffrey to stop talking.

Hey.
Geoffrey continues to say 'hey'.

All I want is your Candy!
Geoffrey really wants Candy.

Hey. (Shut up.)
The listener is really frustrated now.

Hey. (I will kill you. I will kill you...)
The listener is threatening Geoffrey again.

Hey. (...with my eyeliner.)
The listener is getting creative with their threats now.

Hey. All I want is your Candy!
Geoffrey is still talking about Candy.

(I'll kill that bitch, too.)
Geoffrey is being disrespectful towards Candy again.