War
HEDp.e. Lyrics

I'm as blind as I seem
I lack clarity and insight into my own circumstances.

Cause all of the dreams
Because all of the aspirations

That I really cared about
That I deeply cherished

Are gone with black wings
Have vanished relentlessly and without hope of return

And I'm probably
I likely am

More suicidal than ever now
Feeling an amplified desire to end my own life

Knock me down and toss me around
Physically and emotionally harm me

Don't wanna help myself off the ground
I'm unwilling to assist myself in getting back up

Please just push me aside
I implore you to disregard me

I know I'll die when everything's falling down
I am aware that my demise will coincide with the collapse of everything around me

Don't start with your ways of making me say
Do not initiate your methods of manipulation to make me speak

That I'm not truly alone
That I am not genuinely isolated

I'll begin to cry and go back inside
I will commence weeping and retreat internally

Where I truly belong
To the place where I genuinely fit in

Don't wanna believe the lies
I do not wish to accept the falsehoods

That I'm not below what's listed above
That I am not inferior to what is superior

Don't wanna think of the things
I do not desire to contemplate the matters

That you say I should really think of
That you insist I should genuinely consider

I don't wanna live today
I do not wish to exist in this present moment

Nobody ever knew
No one ever understood

I don't wanna die this way
I do not want to meet my end in this manner

I know something's always new
I am aware that there is always something fresh

But I just can't seem to find a reason
Yet, I am unable to locate a rationale

For myself to move on
To motivate myself to progress

Still always in vain
Continually futile

Now I'm stuck in my room
Presently, I am trapped within my confined space

With a looming sense of doom and nothing to prove
Enduring an impending feeling of catastrophe and lacking any validation

I know I'm worthless my feelings exhumed
I am aware of my lack of value, my emotions unearthed

Waiting for the dismal night to resume
Apathetically anticipating the return of the gloomy night

So maybe I give up the bout
Perhaps I surrender the struggle

The drought
The prolonged period of dryness and emptiness

Stop my search for a simpler way out
Cease my quest for an easier means of escape

And force my kind and I to fall out
Compel myself and those like me to sever ties

So not a single soul would ever doubt
So that no one would ever question

When I don't show up for my life the next day
When I fail to appear for my existence the following day

Cause I'm still supposedly waiting at home
Because I am allegedly still waiting at home

Not even crying
Not even shedding tears

I'm just not dying
I am simply not perishing

I've felt this way too long I'm alone
I have experienced this state for an extended period, feeling isolated

Don't wanna live a little longer
I do not wish to prolong my existence

I know I still have to try
I am aware that I must still make an effort

Don't wanna fight for my life
I do not want to struggle for my survival

Is it worth it or should I die
Is it worthwhile or should I choose to end my life

There won't be a time I'll think I'll ever be more than okay
I cannot envision a moment where I will consider myself better than simply alright

Nothing can change my mind inside, no matter what they say
No external influence can alter my thoughts and perceptions, regardless of what others express

I'll live my life two steps behind but before I die
I will exist in a constant state of falling behind, but prior to my demise

I should sort this mess made by a war between two minds
I should resolve the chaos resulting from the conflict between two opposing thoughts or perspectives