RSVP
Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics


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On the bleakest day autumn could muster
In a church to which they’ll not return
I thought back to a time when I could trust her
To a time when there wasn’t John Byrne

And in a cruel twist of fate which so often
Occurs in tales such as this
I found myself catering reception
And there were urges I had to resist

Not least ‘cos John Byrne is much fitter
And the straightener to him holds no fears
So if the chocolate in the fountain tastes bitter
It’s because it’s been laced with my tears

Celebrations were well underway when
Her father prayed silence and spoke
He said: “It’s not like I’m losing a daughter”
As violently starting to choke

And in a gesture which said I’m fast fading
Could somebody dial 999?
He valiantly toasted my capers
With a glass of what he thought was wine
It was gone half past ten before folk cottoned on
By which time I’d landed in Wick

So if what’s in the fondue’s to die for
It’s got nothing to do with the cheese




And if what’s in the punchbowl seems lethal
It’s because it’s two thirds anti-freeze

Overall Meaning

The song "RSVP" by Half Man Half Biscuit is a satirical take on the wedding reception of an ex-girlfriend of the singer. He finds himself catering to the guests, reminiscing about the time when he trusted his ex-girlfriend, before the arrival of John Byrne. The singer acknowledges that Byrne is more attractive and confident than he is, but he struggles with his urges and emotions. The reception takes a turn for the worse when the bride's father makes a toast, and then chokes on his words. The singer uses this moment to make a darkly humorous quip about the contents of the food and drink being served, implying that he's responsible for them.


Overall, the song is a sardonic commentary on the bitterness and jealousy that can accompany a relationship's end. The singer's struggles with Byrne's attractiveness and confidence, as well as his desire for revenge on his ex-girlfriend, are relatable emotions that many people experience after a break-up. However, the singer's willingness to poison the guests with toxic substances shows a lack of empathy and morality.


Line by Line Meaning

On the bleakest day autumn could muster
On a gloomy autumn day


In a church to which they’ll not return
In a church they won't visit again


I thought back to a time when I could trust her
Remembered when he could trust her


To a time when there wasn’t John Byrne
A time when John Byrne wasn't in the picture


And in a cruel twist of fate which so often
As is so common in such situations


Occurs in tales such as this
Happens in stories like this


I found myself catering reception
Was serving at the reception


And there were urges I had to resist
Had to control his desires


Not least ‘cos John Byrne is much fitter
Especially because John Byrne is more attractive


And the straightener to him holds no fears
And he's not afraid of confrontation


So if the chocolate in the fountain tastes bitter
If the fountain chocolate tastes bad


It’s because it’s been laced with my tears
It's because he cried in it


Celebrations were well underway when
The party was in full swing when


Her father prayed silence and spoke
The father called for silence and spoke


He said: “It’s not like I’m losing a daughter”
He said losing his daughter wasn't a big deal


As violently starting to choke
As he began to choke


And in a gesture which said I’m fast fading
As if to signal his imminent passing


Could somebody dial 999?
Can someone call an ambulance?


He valiantly toasted my capers
He bravely toasted his antics


With a glass of what he thought was wine
With what he assumed was wine


It was gone half past ten before folk cottoned on
It was 10:30 before they realized


By which time I’d landed in Wick
By then he'd already left


So if what’s in the fondue’s to die for
If the fondue is deadly


It’s got nothing to do with the cheese
It's not because of the cheese


And if what’s in the punchbowl seems lethal
If the punch is deadly


It’s because it’s two thirds anti-freeze
It contains a high percentage of anti-freeze




Contributed by Elliot L. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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Comments from YouTube:

Caldwell

Very beautiful song :)

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