Ian Dury (1942-2000) was an English singer, songwriter, and bandleader.
… Read Full Bio ↴Ian Dury (1942-2000) was an English singer, songwriter, and bandleader.

Born on 12th May 1942, he is best known as founder and lead singer of the British band Ian Dury and the Blockheads, though he began his musical career in pub-rock act Kilburn & the High Roads. He wrote many famous songs including "Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick", "What a Waste", and "Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll". He died on 27th March 2000.

At the age of seven, Dury contracted polio; very likely, he believed, from a swimming pool at Southend on Sea during the 1949 polio epidemic. After six weeks in a full plaster cast in Truro hospital, he was moved to Black Notley Hospital, Braintree, Essex, where he spent a year and a half before going to Chailey Heritage Craft School, East Sussex, in 1951. Chailey was a school and hospital for disabled children, and believed in toughening them up, contributing to the observant and determined person Dury became.

If I Was With a Woman
Ian Dury Lyrics

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If I was with a woman she'd wonder what was happening
Little things would slowly go askew
If I was with a woman I'd make her quite unhappy
Specially when she did not want me to

If I was with a woman I'd make believe I loved her
All the time I would not like her much
If I was with a woman she'd soon become unsettled

I'd show her but I would not let her touch

Look at them laughing
Look at them laughing
Look at them laughing
Laughing, laughing

If I was with a woman I'd never ask her questions
But if she did not want me to I would
If I was with a woman I'd offer my indifference
And make quite sure she never understood

If I was with a woman I'd threaten to unload her
Every time she asked me to explain
If I was with a woman she'd have to learn to cherish
The purity and depth of my disdain

Look at them laughing
Look at them laughing
Look at them laughing
Laughing, laughing

I've been with a woman, she took away my spirit
No woman's coming close to me again
I've been with a woman, she took away my spirit
No woman's coming close to me again

Look at them laughing
Look at them laughing
Look at them laughing

Laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing
Laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing

Overall Meaning

The lyrics of Ian Dury's If I Was With A Woman seems to describe the emotional detachment and toxicity in a hypothetical relationship with a woman. The first stanza hints at the possibility of the persona's lack of emotional connection and how his presence might change the dynamics of the relationship. The second stanza reinforces this notion, as the persona would only pretend to love her and make her feel unwanted. The repeated lines of "look at them laughing" could be interpreted as the persona's cynical observation of happy couples and his disbelief in such a possibility for himself.

The third and fourth stanzas suggest the persona's abusive behavior towards his partner as he would refuse to answer her questions and threaten to leave her. The sarcastic tone of the last line "The purity and depth of my disdain" highlights the persona's narcissism and how he believes that his disdain for his partner is a quality to be treasured.

The repetition of the phrase "I've been with a woman, she took away my spirit, No woman's coming close to me again" at the end suggests that the persona has been hurt in the past and has now closed himself off to any future relationships.

Overall, the song delves into the themes of toxic masculinity, emotional detachment and the fear of vulnerability. It highlights the importance of communication and mutual respect in a relationship and cautions against relationships that are based on power dynamics and emotional manipulation.

Line by Line Meaning

If I was with a woman she'd wonder what was happening
Being with a woman would confuse and perplex me, and I would pass on this sense of confusion to her.

Little things would slowly go askew
I would cause minor disruptions and discomforts in our relationship, one by one, in a slow and gradual manner.

If I was with a woman I'd make her quite unhappy
By being with a woman, I would cause distress to her and make her feel miserable.

Specially when she did not want me to
This would happen especially when a woman explicitly tells me not to behave in a certain way or do certain things.

If I was with a woman I'd make believe I loved her
I would pretend to be in love with her, but in reality, I would not feel much love towards her.

All the time I would not like her much
Throughout our relationship, I would not feel much affection towards her and would not enjoy being in her company.

If I was with a woman she'd soon become unsettled
My behavior and actions would create a sense of unease and uncertainty in her, leading to an unsettled feeling.

I'd show her but I would not let her touch
I would show her physical affection, but I would not allow her to touch or get too close to me emotionally.

Look at them laughing
This is a sarcastic statement, implying that others see my behavior as humorous and entertaining, when in reality, it is harmful and cruel.

If I was with a woman I'd never ask her questions
I would avoid asking her questions about herself or our relationship, intentionally keeping distance and avoiding closeness.

But if she did not want me to I would
However, if a woman specifically told me not to ask her certain questions, I would ignore her wishes and do it anyway.

If I was with a woman I'd offer my indifference
I would express a feeling of disinterest and detachment towards her, making her feel unimportant and unwanted.

And make quite sure she never understood
I would intentionally keep her in the dark about my true feelings and intentions, making her confused and unsure of our relationship.

If I was with a woman I'd threaten to unload her
I would use emotional manipulation and threaten to break up with her every time she tried to get me to explain my behavior or actions.

Every time she asked me to explain
This would happen specifically when a woman asked me to clarify or make sense of my confusing and uncommunicative behavior.

If I was with a woman she'd have to learn to cherish
I would demand that a woman appreciate and value my disdain towards her, even though it is cruel and harmful.

The purity and depth of my disdain
I view my negative feelings towards women as pure and justified, even though they are illogical and unhealthy.

I've been with a woman, she took away my spirit
A previous relationship with a woman has emotionally damaged me and robbed me of my happiness and enthusiasm.

No woman's coming close to me again
As a result of my past relationship, I have closed myself off to the possibility of future relationships with women, out of fear of being hurt or experiencing negative emotions again.

Lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc.
Written by: CHAZ JANKEL, IAN ROBINS DURY

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind

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