Troll Doll Celebrities
Jimmy Fallon Lyrics

Hello. Hello my name is Jimmy Fallon, and welcome to the auditions for Troll Productions Inc.
Jimmy Fallon introduces himself and welcomes everyone to the auditions for Troll Productions Inc.

Let's just start the auditions, uh, first up, Mr. John Travolta.
Jimmy Fallon announces that John Travolta is the first one to audition.

She's like, I swear to God, I mean I can't believe you guys are trying to sell these things, right. I mean like, who does his hair? I mean like, his hair's so frizzy. I mean like, you guys can probably get some, like, anti-friz shampoo or something, right? I mean, I don't know how you guys expect to sell these things looking so weird, right? (His laugh from Grease.) A-huh-huh.
John Travolta criticizes the appearance of the troll dolls and questions how the company expects to sell them, while adding a signature laugh from Grease.

Thank you, uh, next up, Cliff Calvin, the mailman from Cheers?
Jimmy Fallon thanks John Travolta and announces that Cliff Calvin from Cheers is up next.

Hey, thanks a lot to ya buddy. I was talking with Marty about these dolls. Turns out, the uh, turns out the actual midget trolls were made in the 1300's, by, uh, Indian cheifs looking for a story to keep their children occupied. These trolls are nice, but I'd rather be having a beer with Normy back at the bar.
Cliff Calvin shares his knowledge about the history of troll dolls and expresses that he would rather be enjoying a beer at the bar with Normy instead of discussing trolls.

Thank you, Cliffy. Uh, next up, uh, comedian Jerry Seinfeld.
Jimmy Fallon thanks Cliff Calvin and introduces Jerry Seinfeld as the next auditionee.

Okay people, okay. Will ya look at these things? I mean, do you remember when dolls used to have moving arms and legs? Am I right? He doesn't have any pants on! What's the deal with that?! No pants! You get the doll. You don't get the pants!
Jerry Seinfeld comments on the lack of movable parts and pants on the troll dolls, and questions the purpose of having a doll without its pants.

Thank you, uh, next up, actor Nicolas Cage.
Jimmy Fallon thanks Jerry Seinfeld and introduces Nicolas Cage as the next auditionee.

Who? What? Where?
Nicolas Cage expresses confusion and doesn't seem to understand what's going on.

That's all I got for that one actually. Next up, uh, comedian Robin Williams.
Jimmy Fallon moves on from Nicolas Cage and introduces Robin Williams as the next auditionee.

Oh yes, troll dolls, yes. A beautiful thing, yes. It's a beautiful thing. Yes. Looks like Don King on Viagra, yes. Yes, suddenly the guy's at home going, "What the hell's going on there?", yes. Meanwhile, there's a kid at home going, "Daddy, I want the Harry Potter doll!", yes. Meanwhile, the guy's at home going, "I'm seeing the anti-Christ and it is a troll doll!", yes. Suddenly Arnold Schwarzenegger's at home going, "Yah, I like to eat troll doll with my English Muffin.", yes. Suddenly, Mr. Happy's coming out going, "Lewinski, Lewinski!", yes. Thank you.
Robin Williams comments on the appearance of the troll dolls and imagines various scenarios involving them, which includes seeing the anti-Christ and Arnold Schwarzenegger liking to eat troll dolls with English muffins.

Uh, next up, next up, next up for the audtions, uh, Mr. Gilbert Gottfried.
Jimmy Fallon introduces Gilbert Gottfried as the next auditionee.

What is this? What kinda kid plays with something like this? They're so weird looking! What kinda kid would play with something like this? I'd like to be the voice of this. And that's not good.
Gilbert Gottfried comments on the appearance of troll dolls and wonders what kind of kid would want to play with them, while also expressing his desire to be the voice.

Thank you. Last but not least, uh, Mr. Adam Sandler.
Jimmy Fallon thanks Gilbert Gottfried and introduces Adam Sandler as the last auditionee.

Adam: Alright, how ya doing? Alright, this is, uh, okay. This is, uh, this is me, giving a troll doll to, to my mother, okay Here we go. Uh, uh, mom, I, uh. I. I uh, I uh, I got you a troll. (Making baby sounds) Mother: What did you say? Adam: I said, I, uh, I said I got you a troll. (More baby sounds) Mother: I can't hear you. What did you say to your poor mother? Speak up, please. Adam: I said, I got you a troll. Mother: I'm outta control? What are you saying?! Adam: I wish you would just take the doll and, SHUT UP! (Crowd cheers)
Adam Sandler plays a character who tries to give a troll doll to his mother but faces difficulty due to his mumbling and her difficulty in hearing, culminating in him shouting at her to take the doll.

That's enough for the trolls. Thank you very much.
Jimmy Fallon concludes the troll doll auditions and thanks everyone for their participation.

(Disc scratches the track out)
The sketch ends with a scratch sound effect.