forgive me
Proof Lyrics

Barely raised by my dysfunctional fam
Because of my dysfunctional family, I was raised poorly and without much guidance.

Here I stand as a dysfunctional man
As a result of my upbringing, I have grown into a man with issues and problems.

Quick-tempered, short-fused, and pissed at God
I am easily angered and resentful towards God for the struggles I have faced.

Demons pullin' at my soul 'til it's ripped apart
I feel like my inner demons are tearing me apart and causing me great pain.

Secret's out momma that fire I started it
I have confessed to my mother that I am responsible for starting a fire.

Fuck the fireman logic of the closet by the wire shit
I do not care about the explanation that the fire was caused by faulty wiring in the closet.

What's positive about a father that bust nuts then wussed up
What good is a father who impregnates a woman but then fails to take responsibility for his child?

And a momma that don't show her son enough love
My mother did not provide me with enough love and support as a child.

Shit, that's why I run from my first son
I have avoided facing my responsibility as a father to my first son because of my own issues with my parents.

And force these chicken head bitches to get abortions
I have pressured multiple women to have abortions in order to avoid taking care of their children.

I'm married to game, my mistress is fame
My loyalty and devotion is to the music industry, while fame is my constant desire.

My girl Paq the closest, she know I ain't gon' change
My girlfriend Paq is the closest person to me and knows that I will not change my ways.

Go insane in a world evil as ours
It is easy to go crazy in a world as corrupt and evil as ours.

I done shot at houses, people and cars
I have committed violent acts such as shooting at homes, individuals, and vehicles.

The deeper the scars, the worst is the history
The more intense the emotional pain and trauma, the darker and more difficult it is to overcome.

God you ain't gotta forgive me, just don't forget me, you hear me?
I do not necessarily expect God to forgive me for my sins, but I hope he remembers me.

Lord forgive me, for I've sinned
I am asking for God's forgiveness for the sins I have committed.

Over and over again just to stay, on top
I have repeatedly sinned in order to maintain my status or power.

I recall memories, filled, with sin
My memories are dominated by moments of sin and wrongdoing.

And most importantly I'm tryin' to support my seeds
My biggest priority is trying to provide for my children.

Can't seem to get away from them courtin' fees
I consistently struggle with paying court fees associated with my poor decisions.

Embroidery, on my hood across my heart disorderly
I have tattoos on my body that represent my disordered and chaotic life.

Breakin' in houses of people who ain't got more than me
I have broken into the homes of people who are not more well-off than I am.

Accordingly, I move in error
I often make mistakes and poor decisions based on my chaotic and disordered life.

Gotta face the fact though I can't fool this mirror
I need to face the reality of my own actions and can no longer deceive myself.

Neglected my daughter and tryin' to blame on how I was brought up
I have failed to properly care for my own daughter and often try to blame my own upbringing for my actions.

Like I'm a product of this environment, why ain't I shot up?
I often wonder why I have not been killed because of the environment I was raised in.

Got up today like, "Why you let me breathe again?"
I question why I am still alive and breathing despite my sins and past wrongdoings.

And with each breath I feel death is creepin' in
I feel like death is always looming and may come at any moment.

Thinkin' sinners are winners and I'ma finish last
I often feel like those who commit sins succeed, and worry that I myself will fail.

My pen and pad record my life as each minute pass
I write down my thoughts and experiences, recording my life as time goes by.

Passin minutes, I shook sin and shook drugs
As time passes, I have tried to rid myself of my sinful tendencies and drug use.

I did right by you but still you took Bugz
I tried to do the right thing, but still lost my friend Bugz to death.

Then caught me in adultery, fought me
I was caught for cheating and faced consequences for it.

For not knowin' through the dark streets you walked me, talked to me
I did not know that God was guiding and speaking to me through my darkest times and struggles.

It's the risk that's a rush so rush my wrists in the cuffs
Taking risks can be exciting, so I am willing to face the consequences of my actions and be arrested.

It's like a fight for yo' attention and love
I often feel like I am fighting for attention and love from those around me.

Speakin' of Bugz, give me a hint from above
I am asking for a sign or guidance from God, praying for help coping with Bugz's death.

If he not you know I wanna be sent when I'm done
If Bugz is not in heaven, I hope to be sent there after I die.

Kid outta wedlock so my lady's frontin'
My child was born out of wedlock, so my partner is struggling.

I love 'Em, cause he gave me somethin'
I love my child because he has given me something to live for and work towards.

A positive anything is better than a negative nothin'
Having something positive in life is better than having nothing at all.

I was on the edge of death ready to jump in
I was close to death and ready to end my life.

It's hard when you can't find love anywhere
It is difficult to find love and support when you feel alone and lost.

And just because the reverend listen, don't mean he care
Just because someone is willing to listen and hear you out, does not necessarily mean they truly care about you.

Pops on crack with a sufferin' past
My father struggled with addiction to crack cocaine and had a difficult past.

I dream in black and white, the world color me bad
I often feel like my life is without color and that the world sees me as a bad person.

Other than sad, painful and stress
My life is filled with negative emotions, such as sadness, pain, and stress.

Life is good with the webs that, tangle with death
Although life can be difficult and dangerous at times, it is still worth experiencing.

Control the border, control the school
Those in power control the borders and education system, granting them immense control over society.