a self portrait
The Lyndsay Diaries Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Another angel turned her back on me.
She folded her wings and hung her head.
God you gave me this heart but I was wondering if I could trade it in.
I wail and I weep for I can not sleep for I stare at the ghosts of my own design.
Driving past the quiet steeples in the night.
I harbor these tears in my eyes.
And I wail and I weep.
The bells will ring in the steeple in the morning.
And I'm just now trying to find myself.
Singing the words to create acceptance were never my good intentions.
And now I've only a house full of regrets.
Shatter the glass of my eye.
And I will come to see this blinding darkness.
And I've lost sight of all that is real.
For I sit here alone. I write a novel of my own.
And there are no happy endings in this tradgedy.
The bells will ring in the steeple in the morning.
And I'm just now trying to find myself.
Singing the words to create acceptance were never my good intentions.
And now I've only a house full of regrets.
Sometimes I am almost content in my sorrow.
My ship is sailing to the seas.
So wave and blow your kisses.
Cause I'm not sure I'll be home anytime soon.
I've set out to fail the world.
I've set out to fail myself.
I will dream the dreamers lie that everything is okay.
When everything isn't okay.
He says my burden is also his but I don't want to put this on him.
Stare up at steeples lost in the night. I find myself so lost on the inside.
And now I've only a house full of regrets.
And as the wind blows it takes with it all the memories.
And as the breeze blows I turn my eyes to the skies and hope for hope
that this will soon come to pass.
The lyrics to The Lyndsay Diaries' "A Self Portrait" depict an individual who is grappling with feelings of disappointment and despair. The first stanza describes how the sun is scorching the singer's face, yet they remain motionless and let the pain continue. This can be seen as a metaphor for how they are enduring emotional torment without fighting back. The individual also reflects on how God gave them a heart, but wishes they could trade it in. This suggests that the singer is experiencing heartbreak or emotional turmoil and feels like they no longer want to have a heart capable of such pain. The final line of the stanza suggests that the singer is haunted by their own thoughts and regrets, preventing them from finding peace.
The second stanza paints a picture of the singer driving past a church in the middle of the night, feeling overwhelmed by their emotions. They are struggling to sleep and are consumed by their emotions, while the rest of the world is sleeping peacefully. The final line of this stanza, "And I wail and I weep," emphasizes the singer's intense grief and sense of helplessness.
The final stanza suggests that the singer is resigned to their sadness and feels like they have failed in many aspects of their life. They relate their current state to a tragedy, implying that they feel like they are living in a never-ending cycle of sadness and loss. The final line of the song, "And as the breeze blows I turn my eyes to the skies and hope for hope that this will soon come to pass," hints at a glimmer of hope, that the singer has not given up entirely and is seeking relief from their pain.
Line by Line Meaning
Today the sun burned away at my face and i just let it burn.
I'm feeling overwhelmed and helpless, like I can't even fight against the challenges I'm facing.
Another angel turned her back on me.
I feel like I'm facing rejection and abandonment from people who were supposed to be there for me.
She folded her wings and hung her head.
The rejection I'm facing feels final and irreversible.
God you gave me this heart but I was wondering if I could trade it in.
I'm struggling with a lot of pain and heartache, and I don't know if I can handle it anymore.
I wail and I weep for I can not sleep for I stare at the ghosts of my own design.
I'm haunted by my own mistakes and regrets, and they're keeping me from finding any peace or rest.
Driving past the quiet steeples in the night.
I'm feeling lost and aimless, searching for a sense of direction or purpose.
I harbor these tears in my eyes.
I'm trying to hide my pain and vulnerability from the world around me.
She thinks she is hearing sounds in the night and I am fighting just to sleep.
I'm struggling with racing thoughts and anxiety that make it impossible to calm my mind enough to rest.
The bells will ring in the steeple in the morning.
Time keeps moving forward, whether I'm ready for it or not.
And I'm just now trying to find myself.
I'm still figuring out who I am and what I want out of life.
Singing the words to create acceptance were never my good intentions.
I don't want to conform to others' expectations or standards - I want to be my own person.
And now I've only a house full of regrets.
I'm overwhelmed by the weight of my past mistakes and failures.
Shatter the glass of my eye.
I need something drastic to shake me out of my current state of despair and hopelessness.
And I will come to see this blinding darkness.
Once I confront my pain and issues head-on, I'll be able to see more clearly.
And I've lost sight of all that is real.
My struggles have distorted my perception of reality, making it hard to see the good or positives in life.
For I sit here alone. I write a novel of my own.
I'm struggling with solitude and loneliness, and I'm using creativity as a way to express my pain and emotions.
And there are no happy endings in this tragedy.
I'm not sure if there's hope for a different outcome or resolution to my current struggles.
Sometimes I am almost content in my sorrow.
I'm not sure if I want to let go of my pain, because it's become such a major part of my identity and experience.
My ship is sailing to the seas.
I'm moving forward with my life, even if I don't know where I'm headed or what the future holds.
Cause I'm not sure I'll be home anytime soon.
I'm uncertain about where I belong or what home really means to me.
I've set out to fail the world.
I feel like I'm not living up to expectations or making a meaningful contribution to society.
I've set out to fail myself.
I'm struggling with self-doubt and a lack of confidence in my own abilities or worth.
I will dream the dreamers lie that everything is okay.
I'm holding onto the false hope that things will magically get better on their own, without me having to confront my problems.
When everything isn't okay.
In reality, my life is far from perfect - I'm facing a lot of pain and challenges that won't just disappear.
He says my burden is also his but I don't want to put this on him.
I don't want to burden my loved ones with my problems, even though they want to help and support me.
Stare up at steeples lost in the night. I find myself so lost on the inside.
I'm feeling deeply disconnected and lost within myself, and I'm not sure how to find my way back to a sense of peace or stability.
And as the wind blows it takes with it all the memories.
Time and the passage of life are erasing my past, even if I'm not ready to let go of the pain and struggles that defined it.
And as the breeze blows I turn my eyes to the skies and hope for hope that this will soon come to pass.
Even in the midst of my pain and darkness, I'm trying to hold onto a sense of hope and optimism that things will get better in the future.
Contributed by Jordan P. Suggest a correction in the comments below.