I Wish
Tom MacDonald Lyrics

I wish I wasn't fat, I wish I wasn't gay
I long for a different physical appearance and sexuality

I wish I wasn't black, I wish that I was brave
I desire to be confident and courageous instead of focusing on racial identity

I wish, I wish, I wish with every candle on the cake
I have numerous desires that I hope for deeply

That I could quit doin' these drugs, but I can't and I'm afraid
I want to overcome my addiction, but I feel trapped and frightened

I wish that I was smart, I wish that I was rich
I aspire to possess intelligence and wealth

I wish it wasn't hard for me to grow up and forgive
I find it challenging to mature and let go of past grievances

I wish that I could help, I wish I wasn't sick
I desire to assist others and be free from illness

I wish that I was Tom MacDonald, I'd be just like him
I admire and want to embody the qualities of Tom MacDonald

I wish I wasn't sober, I miss it when the party wasn't over
I yearn for the carefree and exciting times when I wasn't sober

Happiness was right around the corner
I believe that happiness was close to being attained during those moments

Every single night was like the best one of our lives, now we're older
In the past, every night felt incredible, but as we've grown older, that feeling has faded

The good old days are out of reach, I wish that they were closer
I feel that the joyful times of the past are distant and wish they were more accessible

I wish I wasn't anxious, and I wish I could fast forward
I hope to alleviate my anxiety and skip ahead to a more peaceful state of mind

And I wish that I could rewind, but they don't make that controller
I desire to go back in time, but unfortunately, there is no tool to facilitate it

I wish the nights were longer, and I wish the days were shorter
I prefer the tranquility of night and wish it lasted longer, while I feel the days drag on

And I wish that I could sleep enough to maintain my composure
I want to sleep well enough to keep myself composed and balanced

I feel crazy, I wish that I was normal
I feel unstable and long for a state of normalcy

I wish that I could kill myself, but also be immortal
I have conflicting thoughts, wanting both to end my life and to live forever

Take me to the oracle, I heard that time is borrowed
I desire guidance and answers from an oracle because I believe time is limited

Can you give me back my yesterdays? I'll give you my tomorrows
If someone could return my past, I would offer my future in return

Forget all of my morals and just live like I cannot remember sorrow
I want to abandon my moral standards and live without the burden of sorrow

Before all of the tattoos and the cornrows
I reminisce about a time before I adorned tattoos and cornrows

I was different, I was happy, I was calmer, I was young and full of hormones
In the past, I had a distinct identity, felt content, possessed more calmness, and was youthful and influenced by hormones

Now I'm wishing for a time machine, I'd step into that portal and be gone
Now, I yearn for a time machine that would allow me to escape to the past and leave my current reality behind

I wish on shooting stars, or were they satellites?
I have wishes and hopes that I express when observing shooting stars or satellites

Maybe they were too far, hey-oh-nah-nah
Perhaps these objects were beyond reach and unable to grant my desires

I must've blown apart a million dandelions
I've likely dispersed countless dandelions through blowing on their seeds

Now they don't grow in my yard, hey-oh-nah-nah
As a result, dandelions no longer grow in my yard

I wish I didn't care about the day that I'd be buried
I desire not to be concerned about the day of my own burial

Used to live like I was ready for it, always in a hurry
I used to live as if I were prepared for death, constantly rushing through life

Now I'm worried, all my memories are blurry
Now, I am anxious since my memories have become hazy and indistinct

I'm just barely turning 30, and the voices in my head are tryna hurt me
As I approach 30 years old, I struggle with negative thoughts and internal voices that aim to harm me

The choices that I made make me feel dirty, I was 25 at 13
My past decisions fill me with guilt, and it feels like I matured too quickly

I was smoking with the seniors, drinking beer and getting flirty
During my teenage years, I engaged in activities such as smoking and drinking with older individuals, indulging in flirtation

Now the Ativan ain't working, I need something even stronger
My current medication, Ativan, is ineffective, and I seek a more potent solution

Give me childhood, my mother, and my father, and my sister
I yearn for a return to my childhood and the presence of my family members

And a Christmas to make up for all the recent ones I missed
I hope to compensate for the recent Christmases that I wasn't able to experience

While I'm touring the country for a living
As I travel the country for my profession

Give me a hug, and a Nintendo, and a toy box in the closet
I desire affection, a gaming console, and a collection of toys stored in a closet

Give me everything I wish I had, oh wait, I think I got it
Ironically, it seems like I already possess everything I desired

I'm a rapper like I always promised them I would accomplish
I have become a successful rapper as I had promised others I would be

This is awesome, man, I wish I had a friend to tell, I'd call him
I find my success fulfilling, but I wish I had a friend to share it with and inform them by phone

And I wonder if I jumped from here, if I'd survive the bottom
I contemplate the possibility of surviving a jump from my current position to the bottom

And would everyone believe me if I told 'em I had fallen? I'ma jump
I question whether people would trust me if I were to reveal that I had indeed fallen. I am considering jumping

I wish we were kids again
I desire a return to our childhood days

Before everything was on Instagram, hey-oh
I yearn for a time when social media platforms like Instagram did not dominate our lives

The things were so simple then
Life felt much simpler during that period

Me, my tree fort, all of my friends
I reminisce about enjoying my tree fort and the company of my friends

Way back when on Beaver Drive
During those times, I resided on Beaver Drive

When the floor was lava, I could fly, hey-oh
During our childhood games, we imagined the floor was lava and pretended to fly

Wished I was big like them
I desired to be as grown-up and capable as the older individuals

Never thought I'd wanna be a kid again
In the past, I never anticipated wanting to revert to being a child