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Cledus T. Judd Lyrics

Hey everybody welcome out tonight
The singer welcomes the audience and hopes they are enjoying their night.

Hope you're having a good time out there
The singer hopes the audience is having a good time.

Don't forget the waitresses and a coming up next
The singer reminds the audience to tip the waitresses and announces the upcoming performers.

We got Sheena on the main stage
The artist announces the name of the performer on the main stage.

Athena on the disco
The artist announces the name of the performer on the disco stage.

And don't forget we got Take it off baby Take it off baby
The singer encourages the audience to tip the performers by saying 'take it off' and repeating it for emphasis.

Well here's how this whole mess got started
The singer begins telling the story of how he got into a difficult situation.

Had a stripper at a bachelor party
The artist went to a bachelor party and there was a stripper there.

I knew when she jumped out of that cake
The artist felt like the stripper was going to be important to him when she jumped out of the cake.

We were meant to be
The artist felt like he was supposed to be with the stripper.

The next date we both flew off to Vegas
The singer and the stripper went to Las Vegas together on a date.

I must have been an ignoramus
The artist was foolish for believing what he did.

I honestly believed that she
The singer explains what he believed about the stripper.

Loved me just for me
The singer believed that the stripper loved him for who he was.

Oh...wasn't six months it came to an end
The singer's relationship with the stripper ended after only six months.

I walked out of the courtroom crying
The artist was upset after leaving the courtroom.

She left with a grin
The artist's ex was happy with the outcome of the case.

Cause she got half And I said "OW!" I mean dang That comes to nearly fifty thou Per date My butt had never been so chafed Cause she got half
The singer's ex got half of his money and the singer was shocked by how much that was, as it was nearly $50,000 per date. The singer's butt hurt from all the money his ex took.

I wondered if I'd remain lonely
The singer thought about whether he would be alone after the breakup.

Or would I find my one and only
The artist wondered if he would find true love.

Then the answer to my prayers
The artist found what he was looking for.

Appeared on my TV (Call me now)
The artist saw a tarot card reader on TV and was interested in her.

The cutest little tarot card reader
The singer thought the tarot card reader was attractive.

I knew that I just had to meet her
The artist was sure that he had to meet the tarot card reader.

Then she said it was in the cards For her to marry me
The tarot card reader said that she was supposed to marry the singer.

Oh...wasn't three months later I was in court again
The singer was in court again after only three months.

No way she could have predicted
The singer did not think the tarot card reader could have predicted what would happen.

The way it would end
The artist was surprised by how things turned out.

Cause I got half And she said "OW!" Two dollars a minute So everyone call right now Your Future awaits And I will be the next Bill Gates Cause I get half
The artist got half of the tarot card reader's money, which was a lot because she charged $2 per minute for her services. The artist makes a sarcastic remark about how he will be the next Bill Gates because he got half.

Sometimes you're better off as friends
The singer advises that sometimes it's best to just be friends, rather than entering a romantic relationship.

Cause if it ever ends
The singer explains why it may be better to just be friends.

Then they get half And you'll say "OW"
If a romantic relationship ends, the partner may take half of the other person's money, which can be painful.

So I'm not looking to get married right now
The artist is not currently interested in getting married.

I've Got a date With a beautiful Playboy Playmate Who won't get half
The artist has a date with a Playboy Playmate who will not take his money because they are not in a serious relationship.

No she won't get half
The singer confirms that the Playboy Playmate he is dating will not take his money.