If Shania Was Mine
Cledus T. Judd Lyrics

If Shania was mine
The song is about the singer's intense longing for Shania Twain, if she were romantically interested in him.

Wouldn't be proud of me
The singer admits that he knows he's not very attractive, so Shania probably wouldn't be thrilled to be with him.

Couldn't hardly blame her
The singer acknowledges that Shania has no reason to be interested in him, given his appearance.

Cuz I'm so derned ugly
The artist bluntly states that he thinks he's unattractive.

But on our first date
Despite his own reservations, the artist imagines himself going out with Shania.

We could have a good time
The singer believes that, despite their differences, he and Shania would enjoy each other's company.

If I got her on the moonshine
The singer suggests that he would need alcohol to help him loosen up and impress Shania.

Say it fit just right
The artist imagines Shania wearing clothes he could buy for her, that would show off her figure.

Though my polyester suit was just a little too tight
The artist admits that his own clothes might not be the best for impressing Shania.

And there's no way
The artist believes that he always looks good.

I'd have a bad hair day
The singer never has bad hair.

Cuz I'd buy a new toupee'
The artist would buy a toupee in order to impress Shania, if he had the chance.

Oh, I'd love to seduce her
The singer is very attracted to Shania and would like to try and win her over.

But she married her producer
Shania is already married and not available to the singer.

Now all I do is pray, pray, pray!
Despite this, the singer still hopes that Shania will leave her husband and choose him instead.

She'll get a deevorce someday
The artist is hopeful that Shania will end her current marriage and become available again.

I'd probably lose my mind
If he ever got the chance to be with Shania, the artist thinks he would be extremely happy and excited.

If she only squeezed me, teased me
The singer imagines Shania flirting with him and giving him attention.

Pleased me one good time
He dreams of Shania satisfying him romantically.

And if she only knew
The artist believes that if Shania only knew how devoted he was to her, she would want to be with him.

All the things I'd do
The artist has a lot to offer a romantic partner, if they give him the chance.

I'd be the lawn mowin, crop growin
The artist is willing to work hard and provide for his partner financially.

Tater peelin, house cleanin kind
He is also willing to do domestic chores and help maintain a household.

She'd have to agree
The artist is confident that Shania would recognize his cooking skills.

Can't no one cook road kill better than me
The singer thinks that he is a great cook and could impress Shania with his skills.

Add a dozen mountain oysters and some old fatback
The singer describes some of the ingredients he would use in his dishes for Shania.

She'd say "Mmm, I like it like that" cha
The singer believes that Shania would enjoy his food and appreciate his efforts.

Now all I do is wonder
Despite these fantasies, the artist realizes that he is unlikely to be with Shania.

Whose bed have her boots been under
The artist can't help but wonder about Shania's past and whether she has been in relationships with other men.

I wish she'd hadda been mine
Despite this, the singer still wishes that he could have had a chance with her.

Now I whine, whine!
The singer feels sorry for himself, knowing that he can never be with Shania.

That girl is so doggone fine
The artist is still very attracted to Shania and can't help but admire her beauty.

I think I'd go slap blind
If he ever met Shania in person, the artist worries that he would become so enamored with her that he would lose his vision.

Starin' at her yummy little tummy
The artist fantasizes about Shania's physical appearance, particularly her stomach.

And her booty shakin' round behind
The singer is attracted to Shania's body, particularly her butt.

Want to be a gal of mine
The artist wishes that Shania could be his romantic partner, even though he knows it is unlikely to happen.