1-900-Sheila
Cledus T. Judd Lyrics

He-he-he-he-he lets see here now, one, n1330-1164-7235-4284-2048-4065ine hunderd
Excitedly dialing the number of a phone fantasy service called 1-900-SHEILA

Hm-hm-hm boy, I sure hope I get a purdy'n.
Anticipating speaking with a beautiful woman through the service

Maybe she'll look like Terry Clark or Faith Hill or somebody.
Imagining that the woman he speaks with will resemble famous country singers

Hm, hope this ain't a party line.
Hoping that the phone line he dialed is not shared with other callers

Ha-ha. I's laid up 'na house watchin' C.M.T.
Watching country music television while at home

Thought I'd have a late night snack
Deciding to get something to eat during a commercial break

When sup'm called me back
Returning to the television when an advertisement caught his attention

It was the sexiest voice that I'd ever heard
Hearing an attractive voice on the commercial

Comin' out of my television set
Hearing the voice from a commercial on television

Said, "Call now, you can hear me live
Advertising that the woman's voice can be heard in real time by callers

And I'll tell ya 'bout my naughtiness."
Promising to share details about her sexual behavior

So without hesitation or further ado
Quickly deciding to call the phone fantasy service

I grabbed a hold of my Visa
Getting his credit card to pay for the service

And dialed the number flashin' on my screen
Dialing the phone number on the advertisement

So I kicked back the recliner
Relaxing in his chair while speaking with the phone fantasy service operator

And on the second ring
Hearing the phone ring for the second time

She whispered, "Hello. This is Sheila.
Answering the phone under the pseudonym 'Sheila'

Your credit card number, please."
Asking for the caller's credit card information

I said, "How much will it cost
Inquiring about the cost of the service

For this here trip to paradise?"
Referring to the fantasy experience offered by the service as a trip to paradise

She said, "You can't put a price on love"
Quoting a cliché to emphasize that love is priceless

That's another $4.98 minute went bye
Stating the per-minute cost of the phone fantasy service

After an hour of conversation
Talking to Sheila for an extended period

She had me chewin' on the receiver
Keeping him engaged in the conversation with the service

Well, I worked up a sweat, I's out of breath
Getting physically aroused and excited by the conversation

Over 1-900-SHEILA
Showing that his pleasure was derived from the phone fantasy service

Like a man possessed I dialed her number
Compulsively calling the phone fantasy service repeatedly

Mornin' noon and night
Calling during all hours of the day and night

And slowly but surely we fell in love
Developing feelings of affection for Sheila through their conversations

As my phone bill shot out of sight
Increasing the cost of his phone bill due to his excessive use of the service

After so many costly heart to hearts
Talking to Sheila at length over the course of many calls

I just had to meet her face to face
Feeling a strong desire to see Sheila in person

She wouldn't give me her home address
Refusing to provide her personal information to the caller

So I had her number traced. He-he.
Finding her location by tracking her phone number

Well, I thought it'd lead to a passion palace
Expecting that Sheila would live in a luxurious apartment

Some penthouse in the sky
Imagining that Sheila would live in a high-rise building

And, I must admit I was a little let down
Feeling mildly disappointed by what he discovers

When I found her in a double wide
Finding out that Sheila lives in a mobile home instead of a lavish residence

That beauty that I envisioned
Thinking that Sheila would be physically attractive and desirable

That goddess that drove me crazy
Referring to the idealized version of Sheila that he had imagined

Answered the door with a cigar in her mouth
Failing to meet his expectations by smoking a cigar

And weighin' in at over two eighty. He-he-ho!
Revealing that Sheila was obese and much larger than he anticipated

They say love conquers all, well I reckon it's true
Believing that love can overcome any obstacle or problem

Even when it's for a fee
Acknowledging that his feelings for Sheila were developed through a paid phone fantasy service

We said I do, and now were one
Deciding to get married and become a couple

Though she makes two of me
Joking that Sheila's weight is equal to both of them combined

And she talks to me no charge
Talking with Sheila for free now that they are married

Every time she takes a breather
Having casual conversations with Sheila during her breaks

And I'll never have to work
Implying that Sheila will financially support him

As long as all you jerks dial
Encouraging others to call the phone fantasy service to support their lifestyle

1-900-SHEILA
Repeating the phone number for the service

I love you baby. Come here to me. Smooch-smooch
Expressing his affection and love for Sheila