Goodbye Squirrel
Cledus T. Judd Lyrics

Me and Harold Muffert were outdoors men
My friend Harold and I were avid enthusiasts of outdoor activities.

Set in our backwoods ways
We enjoyed practicing old-fashioned hunting techniques and preferred to stay away from the city life.

Both members of the huntin' club
We were part of a group of people who also shared our passion for hunting.

Both active in the NRA
We were members of the National Redneck Association, an organization that represents the interests of gun owners.

We scouted a location where we had no doubt
We searched for an area where we were confident we could find a very large and impressive deer.

We'd kill the biggest buck in the world
Our intention was to bring down the largest deer we could find in that area.

(About a 34-pointer)
We had heard rumors about a deer in that area that had around 34 points on its antlers, which made us even more excited to go out there and hunt.

Harold waited in his tree stand
My friend Harold climbed up to a high spot to wait for a deer to come by.

But all he seen was a squirrel
However, all he found was a small squirrel, which was disappointing.

Dang near two weeks since the season started
It had been almost two weeks since hunting season officially began, and we had yet to catch anything substantial.

And neither one of us was amused
We were getting increasingly frustrated with our inability to hunt effectively.

(HA HA HA)
We tried to laugh it off, but deep down, we were disappointed with ourselves.

We had on real tree camo, high-powered ammo
Despite our lack of success thus far, we were still geared up with top-of-the-line camouflage and ammunition.

But no big game to shoot
Unfortunately, we had not found any deer to shoot at yet.

Then we finally saw a deer as big as a horse
After much searching, we finally stumbled upon a deer that was huge and impressive.

Harold had him in his crosshairs
My friend Harold had the deer lined up perfectly for a shot.

(Shoot him!)
I encouraged him to take the shot and bring down the deer.

But that squirrel jumped off of a branch above us
Unfortunately, a squirrel jumped down from the tree above us and disturbed Harold's aim.

And landed in Harold's hair
The squirrel landed on Harold's head, which caused him to panic.

(Dang, get it out! Dang!)
He tried to get the squirrel off his head, but it was causing too much of a commotion.

Harold fell off the stand, on his head he landed
Due to the squirrel's unexpected arrival, Harold lost his balance and fell to the ground, hitting his head.

Like a wimp he laid there cryin
He was embarrassed by his own reaction and cried on the ground in pain.

Till I climbed on down, picked him up off the ground
I climbed down from my tree stand and picked him up to help him recover from his fall.

And it didn't take us long to decide
After the incident, we knew that we had to take revenge on the squirrel that had caused so much trouble.

That squirrel had to die
We felt justified in seeking vengeance and decided that the squirrel had to die.

Goodbye squirrel
We bade farewell to the pestering squirrel that had caused us so much trouble.

With black-eyed peas, you're gonna taste good to me
We planned to cook the squirrel and eat it, as it is considered a delicacy in some parts of the country.

Squirrel, it's you or me, come on out of that tree
We challenged the squirrel to face us in a final showdown.

Squirrel, hey guess what, you've eaten your last nut
We taunted the squirrel, implying that it was about to meet its end.

Me and Harold went down to the surplus store
We went to a shop that sold military surplus equipment and supplies.

Bought a keg of dynamite
We purchased some high-powered explosives to help us in our quest.

Two baseball bats and a case of M-80s
We also acquired some additional weapons to help us in the fight.

We were in for one heck of a fight
We knew that the fight with the squirrel was not going to be easy, but we were determined to win.

(We'll show you!)
We asserted our confidence in our ability to take down the squirrel, despite our lack of success so far.

When you're huntin' with dumb and dumber
We recognized that we were not the most skilled hunters and were perhaps not the best people to be in this situation.

Something's surely bound to go wrong
Despite our determination, we could sense that things were not going to go according to plan.

(Now be careful)
We reminded ourselves to take care and be cautious as we attempted to take down the squirrel.

And when Harold lit that real short fuse
However, despite our caution, Harold accidentally set off the explosives too soon.

I knew it wouldn't be long
I had a feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong.

When the dynamite blew, Harold's foot did too
The explosion caused Harold to lose his foot, which was a terrible consequence.

And fingers began to fly
The explosion was so powerful that fingers and other body parts were scattered about.

(Fly)
This is a playful and humorous way of describing the severity of the injuries we sustained.

We were barely alive
The injuries we sustained were life-threatening, and we were lucky to be alive.

When the game warden arrived
A game warden, a law enforcement officer responsible for hunting and fishing regulations, arrived on the scene.

And much to our surprise
We were shocked by what we saw next.

That squirrel didn't die
Despite our best efforts, the squirrel managed to survive our onslaught.

(Gosh!)
We were dumbfounded by yet another twist of fate in our failed hunt.

Just one more shot, you'll be in my crock pot
Despite our previous failure, we were still determined to catch and cook the squirrel for our dinner.

Squirrel, you'll make a lunch, you overgrown chipmunk
We continued to insult and taunt the squirrel, though we knew deep down it had bested us.

I'll skin ya hide, and make a hat when it's dry
We wanted to make the most of the situation and decided to make a hat out of the squirrel's hide.

(Deadgum Earl, Ronnie Milsap could shoot better than you
We jokingly insulted each other for our poor shooting skills during the hunt.

Gimme that, I said gimme that gun
We playfully fought over a gun, mocking each other's lack of hunting success.

Look out!
We suddenly spotted an animal in the distance and were excited for a potential win.

Look out, duck!
We were surprised to find out that the animal we had just seen was not a deer, but a duck.

I think I killed somethin'
Although disappointed, we joked about the situation and pretended that we had taken down the duck.