How Do You Milk A Cow
Cledus T. Judd Lyrics

Yeah, I was always the lazy one, a Southern Californian
The singer is from California and is known to be lazy

But I've got some kinfolk on the Mason-Dixon line
The singer has relatives who live in the South

So this summer just for fun, hopped in my DeLorean
The singer took a fun trip to visit his relatives

And headed for my uncle's farm for a short time
The singer is visiting his uncle's farm

I thought that I would be huntin' and fishin'
The singer had different expectations for his visit

I misunderstood him somehow
The singer did not understand his uncle's instructions

So far there's nothin' but chores here to mention
All the singer has had to do are chores

I didn't mind feedin the sows
The singer did not mind feeding the pigs

But how do you milk a cow?
The singer is unsure how to milk a cow

How do you milk a cow?
The singer repeats his question

I wasn't in FFA
The singer did not participate in Future Farmers of America

This cow must think I'm crazy
The singer feels silly for not knowing how to milk a cow

Up under it this way
The singer tries to milk the cow

I'm sittin' here a pullin'
The singer is trying to pull the milk out

But there ain't nothin' comin' out
The cow is not producing any milk

Oh, E I E I O, how do you milk a cow?
The singer asks his question again with a reference to the children's song Old MacDonald Had a Farm

Yeah, I love it here in Tennessee but these farmers all make fun of me
The singer likes Tennessee but feels embarrassed by his lack of farming knowledge

Can't haul much hay in a tiny sports car
The singer's car is not suitable for farm work

So I got myself a 4 wheel drive, learned to spotlight deer at night
The singer adapted to farm life by buying a new car and hunting at night

And I've got shearin' sheep right down to an art
The singer has become skilled at shearing sheep

One thing's for sure, I hate shovelin' manure
The singer does not like shoveling manure

It gets all over my overalls
Manure is messy and gets on the singer's clothes

Them horses need shoein', I hear Bessie mooin'
The singer has other farm tasks to do

So I thought maybe I'd ask you all
The singer is asking for help with milking a cow

I think it's safe to say
The singer is making a joke

A man could get arrested for this in L.A.
Milking a cow would not be acceptable in Los Angeles

This Heifer must be empty
The cow is not producing milk

'Cause she ain't puttin' out
The cow is not producing milk

Oh, E I E I O
The singer repeats the children's song again

Tell me, how do you milk a cow
The singer is still asking for help with milking the cow

{This song is absolutely an udder disaster
The singer is making a pun with the word 'udder' (as in a cow's udder) to describe his song

I hope I don't get mad cow diease}
The singer makes another joke about cow disease

I no longer care
The singer gives up trying to milk the cow

I'm gettin sick
The singer is feeling unwell

And tired of smellin' dairy air
The farm smells bad

I'm headin' back to Cali
The singer is leaving Tennessee

And I'm turnin' in my plow
The singer is not cut out for farm life

Oh, E I E I O, how do you milk a cow?
The singer repeats his question one last time