Indian In-Laws
Cledus T. Judd Lyrics

They're my Indian in-laws
The singer's in-laws are Native Americans.

Came to visit me and my squaw
The in-laws came to visit the singer and their wife.

Been here for a month y'all
The in-laws have been staying with the singer for a month.

I'm 'bout to lose my mind
The artist is becoming frustrated and annoyed.

I'm sick and tired of her paw-paw
The artist is annoyed with their wife's grandfather.

Eatin' all of my bear claws
The grandfather is eating all of the singer's bear claws.

While he's watchin' ol' hee-haws
While eating, the grandfather is watching an old TV show called 'Hee Haw'.

And drinkin' all my wine
The grandfather is also drinking all the artist's wine.

I'm gonna scalp her maw-maw
The artist is annoyed with their wife's grandmother.

Making long distance phone calls
The grandmother is making long distance phone calls.

To her friends in Arkansas
The grandmother is calling her friends who live in Arkansas.

Talkin' on my dime
The grandmother is using the artist's money to make these calls.

They're drivin' me up the dang wall
The in-laws are driving the singer crazy.

Using all of my dental floss
The in-laws are using all of the singer's dental floss.

And leave the room smelling bad
The in-laws are leaving the room smelling bad after using the dental floss.

They moved into my wigwam
The in-laws are staying in the artist's home.

God Almighty, they're big bums
The in-laws are large and lazy.

They order filet mignons
The in-laws are ordering expensive meals.

And stick me with the tab
The singer has to pay for the expensive meals.

They're hanging 'round my teepee
The in-laws are spending a lot of time in the artist's home.

Can't wear my Buffalo briefs
The artist can't wear their Buffalo briefs because the in-laws are always around.

Ain't had me no whoopee
The artist hasn't had any intimacy with their wife while the in-laws are there.

Since week for last
It's been a week since the singer has had intimacy with their wife.

Hooked on Ex-Lax and Geritol
The in-laws are taking Ex-Lax and Geritol.

Have to run 'em to the shopping mall
The singer has to take the in-laws to the shopping mall.

Four times a day
The singer has to take the in-laws to the shopping mall four times a day.

My nerves are about shot
The singer is extremely stressed out and close to breaking point.

They are worryin' me to death
The in-laws are causing the artist a great amount of stress and anxiety.

Sittin' there clipping toenails
The in-laws are sitting around clipping their toenails.

Chain-smoking them Pell Mells
The in-laws are smoking a type of cigarette called a Pell Mell.

Wish they'd get them a motel
The singer wishes the in-laws would get a motel room and leave them alone.

But they're too cheap to pay
The in-laws are too cheap to pay for a motel room.

Pretty soon if they don't leave
If the in-laws don't leave soon, the artist may take action.

I'll take a pipe and pop his knee
The artist may physically harm the grandfather.

Like Tanya did Nancy
The singer is referencing a famous incident where the figure skater Tanya Harding had a rival injured.

They're skating on thin ice
The in-laws are in danger of pushing the artist over the edge.

I'll take my bow and arrow
The singer may use a bow and arrow to harm the in-laws.

Pretend I'm shootin' at a sparrow
The singer may pretend to be shooting at a bird to harm the in-laws.

I might miss and uhh oh
There's a chance the singer may miss their target.

Hit her maw-maw's behind
The arrow may end up hitting the grandmother's behind instead of the intended target.

Might be kin to Tim McGraw
The artist thinks the in-laws may be related to the country singer Tim McGraw.

But they came to me, naw
The in-laws came to visit the singer instead of Tim McGraw.

Might have to leave my wife
The singer is so frustrated with the in-laws that they may have to leave their wife to get away from them.

Oh, one little, two little, three little Indians
The artist is singing a count to ten rhyme about Native Americans.

Four little, five little, six little Indians
The counting rhyme continues.

Seven little, eight little, nine little Indians
The counting rhyme continues.

Ten little Indian in-laws
The counting rhyme ends with a reference to the singer's in-laws.

Oh no! Here comes her brother and her other brother
More of the artist's wife's relatives are coming to visit.

And then there's her sister brought her aunt Essie with her
Even more relatives are coming, including the aunt of the wife's sister.

And she's got two kids and they brought two friends
The aunt is also bringing her two children and two friends who are also children.

The whole tribes are comin', couldn't they have just made a reservation
The singer is frustrated that so many people are coming to visit and wishes they had made reservations at a hotel instead of staying with them.