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Predicts
Criswell Lyrics

No lyrics text found for this track.

The lyrics are frequently found in the comments by searching or by filtering for lyric videos

Most interesting comment from YouTube:

Rgoid

3y↑3

0:03. “Criswell predicts the weather every night at 6 and 11 on Eyewitness News. Dennis O’Donell on sports.”
0:16 “What up, Cris?”
0:22 “Whoa.”
0:29 “Well, that’s all in the past.”
0:35 “Keep those cue cards steady. C’mon, Criswell, don’t move your eyes too much. Keep it together.”
0:45 “In the future.”
0:49 “His hair looks like ocean beach at high tide. I guess he has a tiny Kelly Slater on the curl.”
1:03 “And let us punish your hair stylist.”
1:07 “My lovers.”

All comments from YouTube:

stitchvids

8y↑177

"Future events such as these will affect you in the future"

ok then. now that's straightened out.

lestatdelc

@Adam from Iowa - Bringing you the true story as it occurred of future events that will affect you in the future.

Silvia Soderstrom

Oh u oh

Adam from Iowa

5y↑6

Future events spoken of in past tense.

Setebos

7y↑15

And to think that was one of the more profound lines in the film.

smichelle65

10y↑206

Remember, folks--this is all based on the sworn testimony of what happened on that fateful day. In the future.

P.J Lafferty

4y↑6

🤪😆

heyeveryoneimcool

5y↑17

God help us.... in the future.

drosera88

8y↑98

I like how it says 'Criswell Predicts' but he doesn't actually make any predictions.

tubian323

I think Criswell probably was in the movie because he was friends with Ed Wood.

The American Storyteller

3y↑2

@Harrison Westphall simple, to laugh.

Harrison Westphall

3y↑3

@wm. maher I have no clue why anyone would hire this moron for a show.

Malicious Glee

3y↑7

“Future events such as these, will affect yooou, in the futuuure.”

wm. maher

8y↑18

+drosera88 In the 60's Criswell used to be a time-filler on talk shows and had a newspaper column carried in about 300 newspapers across the U.S. You want predictions? It seems he got the first prediction right but things start veering wildly after that - or do they???

TheLegendaryBlackBeastOf Aaagh

8y↑23

If someone ever makes a list of greatest movie openings, this one MUST be on it!

Ph Sch

10y↑53

"...for that is where you will spend the rest of your lives!" and " You all are idiots!" are two of the funniest, worst conceived and poorly written lines in all of cinema - I love it! This movie was hilarious.

The American Storyteller

2y↑1

"Inspector Clay is dead, murdered, and someone's responsible!"

somercet1

4y↑1

The Firesign Theatre must have been big fans. I Think We're All Bozos On This Bus sounds a lot like this.

wm. maher

5y↑1

Runner-up(alien to human)"Your STUPID minds!! STUPID!! STUPID!!

MephProduction

like a character in a film has never called someone an idiot before..plus most of this monologue wouldn't be out of place in any modern science fiction film.

Sdk ElMaruecan

6y↑7

I disagree about "...for that is where you will spend the rest of your lives!" , in fact this opening line is quite brilliant but is immediately ruined by the rest of the monologue, but had this line been used in a "legitimate" sci-fi film, I don't think anyone would have laughed at it

1 More Replies...

Salvador Flores

11y↑17

As much as cheesy this movie can look now, this scene will always look incredibly good to me.

Squilliam Dafoe

10y↑116

Take a shot every time he says "future" and "my friends"

HOLO DAIS

It’s “my friend”

Meg Boberg

8y↑7

+Johnny Obscure I don't wanna die lol

Jesus Christ

8y↑27

I just got kidney failure

wm. maher

4y↑9

Aside from this classic speech, there are many verbal nuggets strewn throughout the "screenplay" - my favorite being "Your stupid minds! STUPID! STUPID!!"

tubian323

@The American Storyteller I can just see Peter Dinklage from Avengers: Infinity War saying "Yes, that's what murdered means"

Calvin Pineda

3y↑2

Did you really think you were the only intelligent life in our galaxy? How could any race be so stupid?

The American Storyteller

3y↑1

Inspectir Clay is dead, MURDERED! And SOMEBODY'S RESPONSIBLE!

Beardy McShades

7y↑17

"We are giving you the evidence, based on the secret testimony..."
I don't think the scriptwriter knew what evidence was. Lol

btinsley1

11y↑20

ed WAS camp....who else could conceive such a discordant, ill flowing, fragmented masterpiece of an introduction? greatness...

Vitus Verdegast

5y↑11

Criswell and Ed Wood were a match made in heaven.

TheRomundus

11y↑15

Greatest movie in the history of cinema.

Russel Murphy

4y↑7

And it's The Man Himself delivering this speech!

Pixelcitizen

3y↑5

Every time I see this, the first thing that comes to mind will always be Destroy All Humans.

Áron Juhász

3y↑4

I'm from the future. This man speaks the truth.

raakone

10y↑58

Future Events such as these will affect you in the future, IF THEY HAVE NOT ALREADY DONE SO!

someonenow1

6y↑6

I like the part where he said future.

Daniel McNamara

7y↑43

OH NO! GRAVE ROBBERS FROM OUTER SPACE! IN THE FUTURE! Future events such as these will affect me in the future.

wm. maher

7y↑3

...for that is where you and I will spend the rest of our lives. This is the intro to Plan 9 From Outer Space, widely regarded as one of the worst movies ever made. Delve... if you dare: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2EdYGSk1VE. For all the evidence based on the secret testimony see Tim Burton's excellent movie about Plan 9 and the story of it's creator, "Ed Wood".

Andy Murday

5y↑5

This needs to be rebooted.

George G

5y↑1

It was.

Thomas Schrade

6y↑8

That music-one of the few good things in this movie

KingAmoeboid

5y↑2

He’s reading the lines from a cue card which is above the camera. You can see if you pay close attention to his eyes.

sound.space

4y↑1

He almost did that without blinking!

William Chico

6y↑14

Plan 9 from Outer Space is the best worst movie, eh?

Rgoid

3y↑1

Manos The Hands of Fate: Hold my beer.

The Main Character 1996

5y↑7

That’s where the beginning of Destroy All Humans came from.

Mr. Friendship

4y↑1

Same. I haven't played the game but I just came here.

Andris Jansons

7y↑8

"Future events such as these (the evidence of which happening is based only on a secret testimony about events that happened on that fateful day) will affect you in the future"

EyeoftheU

7y↑3

Well, can you prove it didn't happen?

Mike Silva

3y↑1

Love this movie ❄

The American Storyteller

4y↑6

Forget that "Plan 9" stuff. I prefer the original title, "GRAVE ROBBERS FROM OUTER SPACE"

Rgoid

3y↑3

MistyMorning

9y↑3

"And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you the full story-tory-tory"

Nhu Nguyen

6y↑2

Wait so does the movie take place in the future or the past?

Lorenzo Notarianni

4y↑4

Shit he blew up at the end.

lkrnpk

4y↑3

I recall when I was about to watch this movie for the first time, I didn't know anything about it, just that it was considered the worst movie of all time. itw as back in the early 00s when youtube wasn't a thing yet. I thought - well, it can't be that bad, sure the effects will suck, but it's an old movie, I am sure the screenplay and acting at least will be passable.
Then a dude with weird hair appears and starts this narration and I'm like ''Oh crap, I'm in for a treat''

The American Storyteller

3y↑1

You sure were. Those were among the future events that will effect you in the future.

Ivan the Terrible

9y↑39

My god, everything about this scene is bad, the overacting, the script and the fact that his eyes are moving right to left implies he is reading it straight from the script. It's amazing, Ed Wood managed to fuck up this much in the first 1 minute of the movie

MrAdrenaline1982

6y↑3

To be fair, that's the way Criswell always talked.

Domagoj Kersun

6y↑3

I would take any movie Eddy made in front of today dumb super hero movies.

CountSpiffula

7y↑6

oh for fuck's sake, you've had more than sixty years of warning that this is one of the worst films in history. Why the fuck did you watch the video, if you were just going to moan about it?

supersmashbro596

4y↑1

huh. this heavily inspired the intro for destroy all humans.

thingfish

9y↑15

This is the most wooden dialog ever. It's like a George Lucas script.

daustin8888

5y↑3

George Lucas is Ed Wood with a bigger budget

Richard Pietroski

He says future more than Hulk Hogan says brother

Dr Akbar

4y↑1

That curl in Criswell’s hair brought me here.

Tom Schrade

The opening music is the only good thing about this movie!

TacoJack

Criswell predicted Space Force

Klaus Pudding

It really is just nonsense that they thought would sound smart lmao

Dana Rowe

6y↑1

Did Criswell Perdict That Plan 9 From Outer Space Would Be The Worst Movie Ever Made Im Confussed Dana Rowe

Woggy Flush

10y↑57

"Plan 9" is still better than the "Star Wars" prequels.

Max Eisenhardt

5y↑6

This comment is such a relic. Back when bashing the prequels was cool. Now they're regarded as "not too bad. At least they tried something different" whereas the sequels are the ones that now get bashed.

daustin8888

5y↑4

At least Plan 9 had passion behind it

Hosohedric Holocron of Unpopular Wisdom

6y↑5

you mean the Disney sequels. actually this is the opening crawl to Star Wars: plan IX

Remember Afghanistan

6y↑5

Woggy Flush Disney Star Wars*

The Last American Patriot

6y↑4

Woggy Flush This is a MILLION times worse than the star wars prequels.

Adam B

144p

YES PLEASE

wm. maher

Oh, but there's MORE (some actually came true!): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6vQz3HdQ_4

TheKiss

4y↑1

4 people could not stand the shocking facts

Aldo Stevenson

11y↑6

Criswell speaks of truth

Luis Reyes

6y↑1

Aldo Stevenson So does Fox News Channel...😒

Mike

Is this the Netflix opening disclaimer for the David Chapelle special?

jacob schweitzer

Rifftrax. Let us punish your hair stylist

RON of Queensgrove

Ok but that's not very interesting. Now if he had predicted "Death rider in The House of Vampires" then THAT would be something. This however, is nothing worth uploading about.

Malicious Glee

Qanon be like:

Dovin Melhee

2y↑1

A Black Hole, Aliens, Brains, Zombies and Unicorns. Everything is here!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RprR-UY9Ww

MFPhoto1

6y↑7

Who wrote this crap? Ed Wood?

Isak Johansson

CRAP??!! My friend, you have no taste

Quirderph

@Pietr Ayday I've heard that Criswell actually wrote all of his own lines... which makes it even better.

Pietr Ayday

Judging from the fact that Criswell seems to be barely able to contain a fit of laughter while saying it, I assume Ed Wood wrote it... then again, it's entirely possible Criswell was just ad-libbing the whole thing as gibberish, and suppressing giggles because he knew Ed Wood would accept it as perfect, without the remotest chance of a reshoot....

smichelle65

4y↑3

Who else?

wm. maher

10y↑4

And while we're in the Annals of the Awful, try and withstand the worst giant monster movie Ed Wood never made - Gammera The Invincible - it's day-it's night, the hilarious actors in the added American scenes are beyond amateur, the finale is brain-rupturingly feeble but the chicken wire! The chicken wire! Gammera the Invincible!