Kids
Eminem Lyrics

And everyone should get along
Let's all try to cooperate and live in harmony

Okay, children, quiet down, quiet down
Children, please settle down and be quiet

Children, I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day
I want you to meet Mr. Shady, who will be teaching you today

His name is Mr. Shady
We will be referring to him as Mr. Shady

Brian, don't throw that (shut up)
Brian, stop throwing things and be quiet

Mr. Shady will be your new substitute
Mr. Shady is replacing Mr. Kaniff as your teacher

While Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (he's got AIDS)
Mr. Kaniff is absent due to illness, possibly AIDS

Good luck Mr. Shady
Mr. Shady, we wish you the best of luck in your role

Hi there, little boys and girls (fuck you)
Hello, children. I am addressing you in a less respectful manner

Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrels
In today's lesson, we will discover how to harm squirrels intentionally

But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (huh?)
Before we begin, I want you to meet my acquaintance, Bob

Say hi, Bob (hi, Bob)
Please greet Bob, children (respond 'hi, Bob')

Bob's thirty and still lives with his mom
Despite being thirty years old, Bob resides with his mother

And he don't got a job, 'cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
Bob doesn't have a job because he spends his time at home, smoking marijuana

But his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lot
Despite Bob's lifestyle, his younger brother admires him greatly

And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
Bob enjoys spending time at the nearby waffle restaurant

And wait in the parkin' lot for waitresses off the clock
He waits in the parking lot, hoping to meet waitresses after their shift ends

When it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
During late hours when the parking lot is dimly lit, he pretends to walk his dog

Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (ah)
He forcibly takes them into the woods and proceeds to harm them brutally

And even if they escaped and they got the cops
Even if they manage to escape and involve the police

The ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge
The women would be too terrified to press charges against him

Til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
However, one night, Mrs. Stacey deviated from her routine

When she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
She experienced someone forcefully grasping her face and warning her to remain silent

But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off
Stacey recognized that it was Bob and demanded him to stop

But Bob wouldn't knock it off 'cause he's crazy and off his rocker
Bob refused to cease his actions because he is mentally unstable

Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
Bob's insanity exceeds that of Slim Shady intoxicated with vodka

You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a doctor
Bob is beyond help, even if taken to Dr. Dre for medical attention

He grabbed Stace' by the legs as chopped it off her
He seized Stacey by the legs and proceeded to sever them from her body

And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
He disposed of her body in a lake, intending for the police to discover it

But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander
After Stacey's disappearance, she became lost or deceased

They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
Her fate remains unknown, and Bob continues to frequent the waffle restaurant

And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana
This concludes the narrative of Bob's life involving marijuana

And what it might do to you
It serves as a cautionary tale of the potential consequences of drug use

So see if the squirrels want any, it's bad for you
If squirrels express interest in the substance, remember that it is harmful

See children, drugs are bad (come on)
Understand, children, that drugs have negative effects

And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (ask him man)
If my word is not convincing, consult your father

And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (that's right)
If your father's opinion is also doubted, inquire with your mother

She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
She will inform you that she consumes drugs frequently

So kids, say no to drugs (that's right)
Therefore, children, refuse drugs when offered to you

So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh)
Rejecting drugs will prevent you from behaving like the majority

Then there's really nothin' else to say (sing along)
Once you understand this concept, there is nothing more to discuss

Drugs are just bad, okay?
In conclusion, drugs are unequivocally harmful

My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
I possess a small penis, have any of you witnessed it?

Fuck no, you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (huh?)
No, none of you have seen it; it resembles a peanut in size

Speakin' of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
On the topic of peanuts, do you know what else is harmful to squirrels?

Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world
Ecstasy is regarded as the most detrimental drug

If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it
In the event that someone offers you ecstasy, refuse it

Kids, two hits will probably drain all your spinal fluid
Children, consuming only two doses of ecstasy can deplete your spinal fluid

And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
Once your spinal fluid is lost, it cannot be replenished

So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your back
Avoid becoming dependent on it; it will harm your entire back structure

Meet Zach, twenty-one years old
Let me introduce Zach, a twenty-one-year-old individual

After hangin' out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold
Following a gathering with friends at a fraternity party, he becomes more daring

And decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys
He agrees to consume five ecstasy pills after being influenced by five acquaintances

And peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
When faced with peer pressure, it almost always prevails over resistance

Suddenly, he starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyperdrive
Suddenly, he experiences seizures and his heartbeat intensifies

And his eyes roll back in his skull
His eyes roll backward inside his skull

His back starts to, look like the McDonald's Arches
His back adopts the shape resembling the arches of the McDonald's logo

He's on Donald's carpet, layin' horizontal barfin'
He collapses on Donald's carpet, lying flat and vomiting

And everyone in the apartment starts laughin' at him
Those present in the apartment begin to mock and laugh at him

"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him"
"Adam, Zach is behaving foolishly, observe his actions"

'Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny
As they also consumed the drug, they find his situation amusing

So they're laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his money
Their laughter is directed towards his unfortunate situation, potentially due to wasted money

Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over
Meanwhile, Zach is in a state of unconsciousness, and the situation has ended

And his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin' yoga
His back and shoulders become contorted, resembling yoga poses

And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac
This narrates the tale of Zach, the individual obsessed with ecstasy

So don't even feed that to squirrels class, 'cause it's bad for you
In conclusion, class, refrain from providing ecstasy to squirrels as it is harmful

And last but not least, one of the most humongous
Lastly, but of significant importance

Problems among young people today, is fungus
A prevalent issue faced by young individuals today is fungus

It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off
Fungus originates from cow feces, it is then extracted and cleansed

Bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew it
Subsequently, it is packed into a bag and consumed by chewing

Yum, yum, then you start to see some dumb stuff
This leads to hallucinations and altered perceptions

And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em
Time appears to slow down upon ingestion

And sometimes you see things that aren't there (like what?)
Occasionally, you perceive objects or entities that do not actually exist (e.g., what?)

Like fat woman in G-strings with orange hair
For instance, you may envision overweight women wearing revealing panties and possessing orange hair

(Mr. Shady, what's a G-string?) It's yarn, Claire
(Mr. Shady, what is a G-string?) Claire, a G-string is a type of underwear made of yarn

Women stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em (huh?)
Women insert them into their buttocks and wear them outside (surprising, isn't it?)

And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
If you consume an excessive amount of magic mushrooms

Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus
Oops, did I mistakenly refer to them as magic mushrooms? I actually meant to say fungus

Your tongue gets all swol' up like a cow's tongue (how come?)
As a result, your tongue swells, resembling that of a cow (why does this occur?)

'Cause it comes from a cow's dung (gross)
This happens because fungus originates from cow feces (disgusting, isn't it?)

See drugs are bad, it's a common fact
To reiterate, drugs are unquestionably harmful

But your mom and dad, know that's all that I'm good at (oh)
However, your parents are aware that drug-related topics are my specialty

But don't be me, 'cause if you grow up and you go and O.D.
Nevertheless, I urge you not to imitate my actions, as it may lead to overdosing

They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goatee
Authorities will pursue me, forcing me to change my appearance by growing facial hair

And get a disguise and hide, 'cause it'll be my fault
I would need to adopt a disguise and seek refuge, as it would be my responsibility

So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't
In conclusion, abstain from drugs and follow the opposite of my behavior

'Cause I'm bad for you
I am detrimental to your well-being

Come on children, clap along (shut up)
Children, please join in and clap (be quiet)

Sing along, children (suck my motherfuckin' dick)
Sing with me, children (a vulgar and inappropriate comment)

Come on, clap along
Continue clapping along

Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me)
Drugs are unequivocally harmful, drugs are unequivocally harmful (a reference to potential legal consequences)

So don't do drugs (kiss my motherfuckin' ass)
Therefore, do not engage in drug use (a rude and disrespectful remark)

So there'll be more for me (hippie, goddammit)
This way, there will be a greater supply of drugs for me (an insult directed towards hippies)

(Mushrooms killed Kenny)
(A humorous remark referencing a character from South Park who often dies)

Uh, the fart button's on (eww, ahh)
Uh, the sound effect resembling a fart is activated (expressing disgust and surprise)

(So, fucked up, right now)
(I am currently under the influence and impaired)