The Real Slim Shady (Album Ver
Eminem Lyrics

May I have your attention, please?
I need your full attention, listen up!

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Who is the authentic version of Slim Shady? Show yourself!

We're gonna have a problem here.
If the real Slim Shady doesn't reveal himself, there will be trouble.

Y'all act like you've never seen a white person before
It seems like you've never encountered a white person

Jaws all on the floor, like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
Everyone's jaws dropped, as if they saw a shocking scene, similar to a dramatic entrance

And started whoopin' her ass, worse than before
They began beating her violently, even worse than previously

They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture
After their initial divorce, they fought with such intensity that they threw each other over furniture

It's the return of the, oh wait, no way, you're kidding
He is making a comeback, but he doesn't believe it himself

He didn't just say, what I think he did, did he
Did he really say what I think he said? Can't believe it!

And Dr. Dre said, nothing you idiots
Dr. Dre didn't respond to their foolishness

Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement
Dr. Dre is no more, he is being held captive in my basement (just a joke)

Feminist women love Eminem
Even feminist women are fans of Eminem

Chicka-chicka-chicka Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
They're tired of hearing Slim Shady's repetitive chant/sound

Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you know what
He struts, confidently holding his private area

Flippin' to you know who, yeah but he's so cute though
He quickly switches his attention to someone, but people find him attractive anyway

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
It's likely that I have a few mental issues

But no worse, than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms
My problems are not as extreme as the dysfunctional situations happening in your parents' private lives

Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
Sometimes, I desire to express myself freely on television, but I'm unable to

But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
Tom Green engaging in a strange act is deemed acceptable

My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips
I metaphorically put my buttocks on your mouth as an insult/joke

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
If I'm fortunate, you might even humorously acknowledge that action

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
This is the kind of message we pass on to young children

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Yet we anticipate them not being aware of female anatomy

Of course, they're gonna know what intercourse is
It's obvious that they will become aware of sexual activity

By the time they hit 4th grade, they got the Discovery Channel, don't they
By fourth grade, they already have access to educational channels like the Discovery Channel

We ain't nothing but mammals, well some of us are cannibals
We are just animals, and some of us even resort to cannibalism

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
Some individuals brutally slice others apart, just like cutting open a cantaloupe

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
If we can have sexual intercourse with lifeless animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
There should be no obstacle for a man and another man to get married spontaneously

But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
But if you share my thoughts and emotions, I have the solution

Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes
Ladies, raise your pantyhose and join in singing the catchy chorus

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
I am the genuine Slim Shady, not an imitation

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
Everyone else posing as Slim Shady is merely copying

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
I am the authentic Slim Shady, no doubt about it

Please stand up, please stand up
I request that the real Slim Shady reveals himself openly

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps, to sell records
Will Smith doesn't need to use explicit language to sell his music

Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too
But I choose to cuss, so screw Will Smith and everyone else who criticizes me

You think I give a damn about a Grammy
Do you seriously believe I care about winning a Grammy Award?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
Many of you critics can't even tolerate me, let alone understand me

But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?
But Slim, what if you actually win a Grammy? Would that be strange?

Why, so you guys can just lie to get me here
Don't you just want to deceive me into attending the ceremony?

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears
To place me beside Britney Spears as a means to gain attention

Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
Christina Aguilera should exchange seats with me

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
Allow me to occupy the seat next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
Listening to them debate over who received oral sex from her first

Little bitch put me on blast on MTV
A young woman publicly criticized me on MTV

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hehe"
"Yes, he's attractive, but I believe he's married to Kim, hehe"

I should download her audio on MP3
I should acquire an audio recording of her comments in MP3 format

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD
Then expose to the world how you allegedly transmitted a sexually transmitted disease to me

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me
I am exhausted by these female and male musical groups, they only irritate me

So I have been sent here to destroy you
Therefore, I have been appointed to ruin your careers

And there's a million of us just like me
There are millions of individuals similar to me

Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me
Who curse like me and couldn't care less, just like me

Who dress like me, walk, talk, and act like me
Who dress, walk, talk, and behave identically to me

And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me
And potentially could be the next great artist, but still not surpassing me

I'm like a head trip to listen to, 'cause I'm only giving you
Listening to me is an intense experience because I expose to you

Things you joke about with your friends, inside your livin' room
The kind of subjects you humorously discuss with friends in the comfort of your own home

The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all
The sole disparity is that I have the courage to say it directly to all of you

And I don't gotta be false or sugar-coat it at all
I don't need to pretend or soften the truth in any way

I just get on the mic and spit it
I simply grab the microphone and express it

And whether you like to admit it, I just shit it
Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, I deliver it excellently

Better than 90% of you rappers out can
Superior to 90% of the other rappers out there

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums, it's funny
Then you beg the question of how children devour these albums eagerly, it's amusing

'Cause at the rate I'm going, when I'm thirty
Considering the pace I'm progressing, by the time I'm thirty

I'll be the only person, in the nursin' home flirting
I'll be the sole individual in a nursing home, still trying to attract others

Pinchin' nurses asses, while I'm jackin' off with Jergens
I'll be playfully grabbing nurses' buttocks, while masturbating with Jergens lotion

And I'm jerkin', but this whole bag of Viagra isn't workin'
And I continue to masturbate, but even a whole bag of Viagra doesn't help

In every single person there's a Slim Shady lurkin'
Inside every individual, there's a hidden version of Slim Shady

Who could be workin' at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings
This hidden Slim Shady could be employed at Burger King, contaminating your food

Or in the parking lot circling, screamin' 'I don't give a fuck.'
Or maybe in a parking lot, driving in circles, shouting 'I don't care!'

With his windows down and his system up
With his car windows open, blasting the sound system

So will the real Shady please stand up
Therefore, I implore the genuine Shady to reveal himself

And put one of those fingers on each hand up
Raise one of your middle fingers from each hand

And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
Feel proud of being crazy and unpredictable

And one more time loud as you can, how does it go
And one more time, as loud as possible, repeat after me

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
I am Slim Shady, the true, authentic version

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
Those who claim to be Slim Shady are only pretending

Please stand up, please stand up
I request that the real Slim Shady confidently stands up

Haha, guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Haha, I suppose each of us has a hidden Slim Shady within

Fuck it, let's all stand up
Forget it, let's all proudly stand up together