That same year he teamed up with Detroit natives TnT and Mastamind and formed the group Natas, whose controversial debut Life After Death has been blamed for the suicide of a Tennessee youth. After another EP released in 1992 entitled Hellter Skkkelter dropped, Esham's most recognized and most controversial album 1993's KKKill the Fetus hit stores. The cover of this album depicted an unborn fetus and the title track was a song explaining why unfit, drug addicted mothers should chose abortion over birth. Esham followed up with Natas' Blaz4me and another solo Closed Casket. This was all a prelude to another controversial release, Doubelievengod. Tracks such as "Pop Pop", "Sunday School", and "Heaven" set an unprecedented mark for evilness in rap music. Esham later released his final album on RLP, Dead Flowerz. This was a transitional period into Esham's new Gothom label. Bruce Wayne/Gothom City introduced the world to the new age Esham. After this release the head nodding, trunk rattling Multikillionaire was released.
After a 2-year break, E hit the scene with the colorful Mail Dominance CD. This CD had everything from slow jams, retrospectives on lost ones, wickedness, to 50's samples. The next release is what many feel was the critically acclaimed WWW.com. In 2001, Esham released what would become his smoothest album, Tongues. Followed by Natas 6th release Godlike. Esham resume of albums includes 10 full albums, 4 EPs, 3 greatest hits compilations, and 6 releases with Natas. Not to mention working with and producing for Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, Ghetto E, Kool Keith, Insane Clown Posse, and the Dayton Family. From 1989 to 2005, Esham has given fans his heavy doses of Reel Life, Heavy Mental music. Esham truly revolutionized Detroit's rap sound and is a local legend.
Eminem has listed Esham as an influence, as he mentions on his debut album, The Slim Shady LP. Esham's next album, A1 Yola, was released April 19th, 2005 by Psychopathic Records. Included with the album was also a DVD with videos to every song, making Esham the first artist to make a music video for every song on an album. Towards the end of 2005 Esham could no longer be a part of Psychopathic Records. His last concert under the label was at the 5th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos. He contributed to the Soopa Villainz project and later left. The split was on bad terms according to acidrap.com. The reason, also according to acidrap.com, was that Psychopathic Records did not allow him to use the name The Unholy,The Black Devil or the group NATAS. Athough bitterness was expressed by both parties directly after the split, Esham and Psychopathic have since publicly apoligized to one another, and stated that any past grievances are water under the bridge.
On June 6, 2006 (6/6/06) Esham released the Judgement Day box set, Rap's first $100 box set, available only through the Natas website. This set includes Judgement Day Vol.1 and 2, the previously unreleased Judgement Day Vol.3 and 4, a new 6 track Esham EP, and a DVD featuring concert footage from '04. Only 1,000 have been produced.
Voices in My Head
Esham Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
You're better off dead.
You should kill yourself.
You should kill yourself.
You should kill yourself.
I hear voices in my head, tellin' me go ahead,
Something in my mind says, I'm better off dead.
Nine bodies floatin' in the river and never found.
Seems like I'm drownin' in my own conception,
I'm my worst enemy with no exception.
Cross my heart, and hope to die in many ways,
I look on the bright side, but there's no better days.
Voices are callin' me, but I can't call 'em back,
I drown my sorrows in a bottle of Kodiak.
People say what's the matter, the sounds of pitter patter,
I'm losin' my mind as I'm walk up Jacob's ladder.
Can I find sanity, you hear what I'm sayin' man?
Something keeps tellin' me to kill myself,
God damn.
They think I'm better of dead,
But I'm losin' my mind man,
I hear voices in my head.
You're better off dead, you're better off dead(4x)
I hear voices in my head. You're better off dead(3x)
Oh Lord,(Kill yourself.)
I hear voices in my head, but I can't shut 'em up,
Tellin' me to go to sleep in the tub, and never wake up.
You want to talk to me, tell me somethin' I don't know,
When the wind blows, they come but they never go.
Lookie, lookie, lookie as I'm losin' my mad mind,
Sanity and insanity, seeds intertwine.
Russian Roulette, 'cause I'm kinda upset man,
Will I regret it in a bloody silhouette?
Time will tell, if I'm going to hell,
Took the test of life, and I believe I failed.
Stop who's callin' me,
I can hear you but can't see,
Could it be Dr. Kevorken, or Derrick, or Tunney?
Takin' the final step, the final extra snap,
Doctor asistant suicide, what's so complex?
The right to die is yours, you're better off dead,
My mind's playin' tricks on me,
'Cause I hear voices in my head.
You're better off dead(4x)
I hear voices in my head
You're better off dead(3x)
Oh Lord(Kill yourself)
I got the will to live, but not the right to die,
The voices tell me, I live my life in a lie.
I want to get rid of me, myself, and I,
Red Rum's on my mind with no alibi.
I got misconceptions, of life itself,
Everything I do, hazardous to my health.
I got the witch on my back, to catch a heart attack,
Common sense on over, common sense I lack.
I got the symptoms of insanity, drivin' me insane,
Sendin' myself through pain, as I walk in the rain.
I try to close my eyes and say it's all a dream,
The voices will whisper, and then they start to scream.
I grab my head in pain, I grab my gun again,
Could it be I'm just lonely, or just going insane.
I lay my head on the pillow inside a bloody bed,
I got my gat in my hand, man,
I'm a kill these voices in my head.
I can't take it no more..
I can't take it, I'm going out my mind,
I'm going out my..
Oh shit, fuck it I'm a do it!
You're better off dead, anyway.
The lyrics to Esham's song "Voices in My Head" deal with the artist's inner turmoil and struggles with mental health. The repetition of the line "You're better off dead" reflects the negative thoughts and internalized messages that Esham hears in his own head. The song goes on to describe Esham's self-destructive thoughts and behavior, including thoughts of suicide and self-harm.
The chorus, in particular, highlights the recurring theme of the voices that Esham hears and how they encourage him to harm himself. He describes drowning his sorrows in alcohol and struggling to differentiate between reality and his own thoughts. The lyrics touch on the isolation and loneliness that can often accompany mental health struggles, with Esham feeling like "I can hear you but can't see" and questioning whether he's just "just lonely, or just going insane."
Overall, the song offers a raw and honest portrayal of the pain and confusion that can come with mental illness, while also touching on the difficult topic of suicide. Through his lyrics, Esham sheds light on the importance of mental health awareness and support.
Line by Line Meaning
You're better off dead.
The voices in my head keep telling me that I am better off dead and should end my own life.
I hear voices in my head, tellin' me go ahead,
I am experiencing auditory hallucinations, with voices urging me to harm myself.
Something in my mind says, I'm better off dead.
My own thoughts convince me that I am better off dead, adding to the voices that I can hear.
13 ways and still countin' them down,
I have seriously contemplated various ways of ending my own life, and keep a tally of them in my mind.
Nine bodies floatin' in the river and never found.
I am haunted by thoughts of people who may have committed suicide by drowning, whose bodies were never recovered.
I'm my worst enemy with no exception.
I am fully aware that I am causing harm to myself, even in the absence of others doing so, as I struggle with my mental health.
Cross my heart, and hope to die in many ways,
I am deeply distressed and overwhelmed, hoping to die in a variety of different ways instead of facing the current difficulties I am experiencing.
I look on the bright side, but there's no better days.
I have attempted to view life in a positive way, but I am struggling to find any hope for my future.
Voices are callin' me, but I can't call 'em back,
I can hear voices urging me to harm myself, but I cannot control or communicate with these voices.
I drown my sorrows in a bottle of Kodiak.
I attempt to numb my emotional pain through the use of alcohol or other substances.
People say what's the matter, the sounds of pitter patter,
Others are attempting to understand what I am going through, hearing the sound of my distress and erratic behavior.
I'm losin' my mind as I'm walk up Jacob's ladder.
I feel as though I am slowly losing my sanity, reaching the top of a physical or metaphorical ladder while experiencing this.
Something keeps tellin' me to kill myself,
The persistent and dangerous thoughts in my mind continue to urge me to take my own life.
They think I'm better of dead,
Others may believe that it would be easier or safer for me to end my own life, rather than continuing to struggle with my mental health.
My mind's playin' tricks on me,
I am experiencing severe and distressing symptoms of mental illness, including auditory hallucinations and suicidal thoughts.
The voices tell me, I live my life in a lie.
The voices in my head are also causing me to question the reality of my life and the choices I have made.
Red Rum's on my mind with no alibi.
The thought of violence and bloodshed is present in my mind, and I feel as though I cannot come up with a reasonable explanation for why these thoughts are present.
I got misconceptions, of life itself,
I am struggling to understand my place in the world, and hold harmful or inaccurate beliefs about what life is supposed to be like.
Common sense on over, common sense I lack.
I am aware that my thoughts and behavior are not rational, but feel as though I lack the ability to see things clearly or make reasonable decisions.
I'm a kill these voices in my head.
I am desperate to find relief from the distressing and dangerous audible hallucinations that are urging me to harm myself.
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Written by: AYAK THIIK, MARK SMITH
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind