The Dangerous Kitchen
Frank Zappa Lyrics


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Frank zappa (guitar, vocals, drum machine)
Steve vai (guitar, acoustic guitar)
Ray white (guitar, vocals)
Roy estrada (vocals)
Bob harris (boy soprano)
Ike willis (vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (keyboards, bass, micro bass, rhythm guitar)
Ed mann (percussion)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Dick fegy (mandolin)
Marty krystall (saxophone)

The dangerous kitchen
If it ain't't one thing it's another
In the middle of the night when you get home
The bread things are all dry 'n' scratchy
The meat thing
Where the cats ate trough the paper
The can things with the sharp little edges
That can cut your fingers when you're not looking
The soft little things on the floor that you step on
They can all be dangerous

Sometimes
The milk can hurt you
(if you put it on your cereal
Before you smell the plastic container)
And the stuff in the strainer
Has a mind of it's own
So be very careful
In the dangerous kitchen
When the night time has fallen,
And the roaches are crawlin'
In the kitchen of danger
You can feel like a stranger

The bananaes are black
The got flies in the back
And also the chicken
In the dish with the foil
Where the cream is all clabbered
And the salad is frightful
Your return in the evening
Can be less than delightful

You must walk very careful
You must not lean against it
It can get on you clothing
It can follow you in
As you walk to the bedroom
And you take all your clothes off
While you're sleeping
It crawls off
It gets in your bed
It could get on your face then
It could eat your complexion
You could die from the danger
Of the dangerous kitchen

Who the fuck wants to clean it?

It's disgusting and dirty
The sponge on the drainer
Is stinky and squirty
If you squeeze it when you wipe up
What you get on your hands then
Could un-balance your glands and
Make you blind or whatever




In the dangerous kitchen
At my house tonight

Overall Meaning

โ€œThe Dangerous Kitchenโ€ by Frank Zappa is a song that uses humor to describe the hazards of the kitchen. The song starts with a litany of the dangerous things that can be found in the kitchen, such as sharp-edged cans, dry and scratchy bread, and meat that has been eaten through by cats. Even seemingly harmless things like soft items on the floor that you step on can pose a danger. The song also mentions how the milk can hurt you if you put it on your cereal before smelling the plastic container and how the stuff in the strainer has a mind of its own.


The song then goes on to describe the feeling of being a stranger in a dangerous kitchen when the nighttime has fallen and the roaches are crawling around. The kitchen becomes terrifying when the bananas are black, flies are buzzing, and the chicken in the dish is all clabbered. The salad is also described as frightful. The song emphasizes the potential danger in the kitchen by describing how the dangerous elements can attach to your clothing and follow you into your bedroom, where they could even get on your face and eat your complexion, causing death. The humor in the song is amplified by the question, โ€œWho the fuck wants to clean it?โ€ at the end.


Line by Line Meaning

The dangerous kitchen
The kitchen is fraught with danger, warning of various hazardous materials.


If it ain't't one thing it's another
Multiple problems and dangers can occur in the kitchen.


In the middle of the night when you get home
The scene is set for the evening when you arrive in the dark hours of the night.


The bread things are all dry 'n' scratchy
The bread is stale and rough, unpleasant to eat.


The meat thing
The meat is questionable, and not fit for consumption.


Where the cats ate trough the paper
The cats have gotten into the food and left a mess behind.


The can things with the sharp little edges
Food cans can have sharp edges that can easily cut you without warning.


That can cut your fingers when you're not looking
If you're not careful, you can get injured from a cutting edge or sharp appliance.


The soft little things on the floor that you step on
There are various small items on the floor that can be dangerous if stepped on, like broken glass or bugs.


They can all be dangerous
All of these items pose a risk for danger in some way during kitchen navigation.


Sometimes The milk can hurt you (if you put it on your cereal Before you smell the plastic container)
The milk can be spoiled or unpleasant and maybe harmful if poured on food before checked first.


And the stuff in the strainer Has a mind of it's own
There may be unwanted items in the strainer, with a mind of their own, such as maggots or spoiled food.


So be very careful In the dangerous kitchen
The kitchen is a treacherous place, and caution will serve people well while in it.


When the night time has fallen, And the roaches are crawlin' In the kitchen of danger You can feel like a stranger
The kitchen is a strange and uninviting place, amid the darkness and crawling insects.


The bananas are black The got flies in the back And also the chicken In the dish with the foil
The bananas are bad and starting to mold, and the chicken is suspicious and probably not fit to eat.


Where the cream is all clabbered And the salad is frightful Your return in the evening Can be less than delightful
The cream in the food has soured and gone bad, and the salad looks unappetizing.


You must walk very carefully You must not lean against it It can get on you clothing It can follow you in
One must be precise while in the kitchen, taking care not to damage anything, as any damage or spill may stick to clothing and follow you.


As you walk to the bedroom And you take all your clothes off While you're sleeping It crawls off It gets in your bed It could get on your face then It could eat your complexion You could die from the danger Of the dangerous kitchen
The fear is that tiny creatures or germs may follow people to bed and even infect their complexion or teeth, leading to ailments or death.


Who the fuck wants to clean it?
Who would be crazy enough to want to clean up this awful mess?


It's disgusting and dirty The sponge on the drainer Is stinky and squirty If you squeeze it when you wipe up
The kitchen is disgustingly dirty, and even the sponge is vile when touched, with the potential to harm and make worse.


What you get on your hands then Could un-balance your glands and Make you blind or whatever
What is on the sponge, when touched, could unbalance the glands in one's body and maybe affect eyesight and status.


In the dangerous kitchen At my house tonight
The kitchen is a dangerous place, particularly at Frank Zappa's house on this evening.




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Comments from YouTube:

@christiannorton9400

This man was DECADES ahead of the game

@reducecotwo

The songs that people find discusting are the one's Frank likes, this is one of them. ๐ŸŽธ ๐ŸŽธ ๐ŸŽธ

@user-cc5od3zk4p

RIP Frank. You got me through high school.

@The_First_Connection

If it ain't one thing it's another. That about sums this life up. Thanks for that Mr. Frank.

@thinghammer

I have always liked Zappa, but it wasn't until I read an interview with Steve Vai and he mentioned his favorite songs that I went to level 2.

@666cowie

Exactly the same for me. Once u listen to this song a few times you start to find sum quality lines.

@megamarkd

Listening to Steve Vai play is like hearing a really polished and preceise Frank Zappa! Not that that is a bad thing, Steve performed the more challenging guitar parts for Frank when he played in his band.

@robotoots2958

That's why I'm here ๐Ÿคฃ

@liammcooper

Frank brought me here, and I'm glad he suggested it - cause this is some p-funk space out funk.

@mad_cat_1st

I've often thought that a musical collaboration between Frank and Les Claypool would've been outstanding, musically unique, and flippin' hilarious. RIP, Mr. Zappa. The world misses you.

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