Outro
Joell Ortiz Lyrics

Fuck it
I don't care what anyone thinks

Had to talk my shit to y'all, don't hate it or love it
I had to say what I needed to say, regardless of how people feel about it

Just respect it and be honored
I expect you to at least show me some respect

That I'm standin' in your presence, it's the Yaowa
I'm here and you should recognize me as the Yaowa (a nickname/alias)

We ain't promised tomorrow
We can't be sure we'll even be alive tomorrow

I grew up in a single household, my mama was father
I was raised by a single mother who played both parental roles

My uncle was junkie
My uncle struggled with drug addiction

My cousin was a dickhead, tryin' to punk me
My cousin was an unpleasant person who tried to bully me

My other cousin got bodied 'cause of a stupid color
One of my other cousins was killed because of gang affiliation

My projects is a live set, we shoot at each other
My neighborhood is so dangerous that we constantly shoot at each other

Some niggas is 'bout it, some niggas is scared
Some guys are brave and some are afraid

But even the 'bout it niggas fear, the worry is shared
Even the bravest guys feel fear, and we all share that worry

Vision blurry, impaired
My vision was blurry and impaired, probably from fear or intoxication

Pickin' up pace in the hood and I hurry to where
I'm moving quickly through my neighborhood to get wherever I need to be

Same corner store, same faces in front of it
The same convenience store and the same people always hang out in front of it

Same dice game, same forty and same blunt is lit
The same guys are always playing the same game with dice, sharing the same forty-ounce beer and marijuana cigarette

Same couple of schemes to get a hundred quick
We're always trying to come up with new scams to make a quick $100

Some niggas is grimy, scheme on who they runnin' with
Some guys are shady and try to scam their own friends

But see, I was smart, I bought another clip
I was smart and prepared for anything by carrying an extra clip of ammunition

Never wait to get shot at to shoot, that's some dummy shit
It's foolish to wait until someone shoots at you before acting in self-defense

It was just me, no brothers or sis'
I didn't have any siblings

No one to tell I'm plummeted to a fuckin' abyss
I had no one to confide in when I was struggling and felt like I was falling into a dark place

Them drug dealers at my door again
Drug dealers were at my door again

My mom's meetin' 'em in the hall again
My mother is talking to them in the hallway again

I swear when I grow up, I'm killin' all of them
I promised myself that when I grew up I would take revenge on all the drug dealers

Man, that shouldn't be your thoughts after ten
A 10-year-old (or anyone) shouldn't have thoughts of revenge like that

But that's the life that I was brought up in
But that's the environment I grew up in, where violence and drug dealing were prevalent

I never had a choice
I didn't have a choice about the circumstances I was born into

Walkin' through the livin' room, hearin' my granny voice
I'm walking through the living room, hearing my grandmother's voice

Like "don't you be just like the rest of them
She told me not to follow in the footsteps of others who got into trouble

Your boy P-Nut, yeah, they arrested him"
She mentioned my friend P-Nut, who was arrested

But little Joell, he ain't let it get the best of him
But I, Joell, didn't let that bring me down or discourage me

I'm just human
I'm not perfect, I have flaws and make mistakes

I'm only human
I'm just like anyone else, I have my limits and vulnerabilities

I'm talkin' pre-music
I'm talking about my life before I became a musician

Pre-money, pre-fame, pre-groupies, just highwaters
Before I had money, fame, or women fawning over me, I was just wearing highwater pants

Comin' out the snow, peelin' your socks off, yeah
I remember trudging through snowy weather and peeling off my wet socks

Freezin', just to find out there's no hot water
I suffered through the cold weather only to discover there was no hot water for a shower

Man, I had packed roaches
I had a lot of leftover unfinished marijuana from rolled joints

That couch is twenty years old, but it's the best sofa
The couch in my home is old but still comfortable, and the best one we have

Moms ain't cook yesterday so ain't no leftovers
My mother didn't cook anything the previous day, so there were no leftovers

Still every fuckin' Halloween I would egg yolk ya
I used to throw eggs at people on Halloween, even though there weren't many in the neighborhood

We lit the staircase up with cap-gun revolvers
My friends and I played with toy guns on the staircase and pretended to shoot each other

Playin' cops-and-robbers
We were playing a game pretending to be cops and robbers

Funny, I'm lookin' back now, we all wanted to be robbers
Looking back, I realized that we all wanted to be the bad guys in our imaginary games

We didn't respect the coppers
We didn't have any respect for the police

We used to go up to the roof and throw rocks at the choppers
We would throw rocks at helicopters that flew over our building

Fast-forward, I'm at the table, the rock gettin' chopped up
Fast forward to when I became a drug dealer, I would chop up rocks of cocaine at the table

That Reebok sneaker box is startin' to get guapped up
The box that I used to store money was filling up fast (getting guapped up)

Your jewelry and clothes, that's startin' to pop up
Your expensive jewelry and fashionable clothes were becoming more common in my neighborhood

I'm a teenager now, much more than a monster
I had grown up, and was more than just a reckless or dangerous person

I stole a Hyundai Elantra and crashed it into a Honda
I stole a car and got into a collision with another car

I'm in the backway with a bird and I'm standin' behind her
I was in the back alley with a woman (a bird), standing behind her

I remember that first feeling, remember that first feeling
I remember the feeling of having sex for the first time

No condom, I was illin'
I was being reckless by not using a condom

Dead ass
I'm serious

Young, dumb with a gun and just feining to turn you to a dead ass
I was young and stupid, armed with a gun, and eager to use it to kill someone

I remember that night I borrowed my nigga Fred's mask
I recall borrowing my friend Fred's mask on a particular night

And they found son in the street, nobody know what happened but
Someone was found dead in the street, and no one knew how or why it happened

Yeah, I still jump out of my sleep
I still wake up suddenly and frightened from that memory

Let me leave that right there before I incriminate myself
I'm going to stop talking about that particular incident before I say something that could get me in trouble

My life ain't sweet
My life has not been easy or pleasant

It's sort of like finders keepers
My life has been chaotic and unpredictable, like the children's game of finders keepers

And you'll be surprised by some of the shit these finders keep
You would be surprised by some of the things that have happened to me

Keep, I can no longer do
I can't keep all of this to myself anymore

I can't keep this all to myself, I must give some to you
I need to share my story with you

Before music, the only check I got was summer youth
Before my music career, the only paycheck I received was from a summer youth program job

Yeah I'm a rapper but I'm still, I'm still one of you
Even though I'm a successful rapper, I am still like anyone else who has struggled in life

Human
I am a human being and I have experiences and emotions just like anyone else