Kathy lives in San Leandro, CA in a commune and is the mother of Michael (1970-1982), Melanie (1972) and twins Nicolas and Cassandra (1985). Her primary life partner Dean Dierschow (familiar as her most devoted roadie) lives there with her in a wonderful ongoing courtship. She was very involved in the antiwar movement in the sixties and sang in Kansas City for the first Moratorium. She has appeared as filk GOH at almost every filk convention and many regular SF conventions as well.
Pegasus Awards
* 1989 - Best Filk Song - Arafel's Song (Tree of Swords & Jewels) (With Mercedes Lackey)
* 1989 - Best Writer/Composer
* 1991 - Best Love Song - Velveteen
* 1993 - Best Writer/Composer
* 1994 - Best Filk Song - Drink Up the River
* 1996 - Best Filk Song - When Giants Walked
* 2004 - Best Writer/Composer
Albums
* Songbird - Off Centaur (cassette OCP-??) 1982
* On a Bright Wind - Off Centaur (cassette OCP-??) 1984
* Bamboo Wind - Off Centaur (cassette OCP-54) 1985
* Plus Ca Change - Thor Records (cassette FK1003) 1988
* Plus C'est La Mme Chose - Thor Records (cassette FK1006) 1990
* Made By Magic - with Zander Nyrond, Dandelion Digital CD DD-005CD, 1994
* My Favorite Sings - Prometheus Music CD, 1999
* Plus Ca Change / Plus C'est La Mme Chose - DragonsGate Music CD 2000
Saddest
Kathy Mar Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
And the very saddest part is that I chose it on my own
I let him run my thoughts around to streets I'd never known
He drove me to distraction but I gave him all the keys
He drove me from my sanity and quickly to my knees
And the very saddest moment was the moment of goodbye
He wore me while I shimmered and discarded me at last
He wore me out with overuse and then our times were past
And of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest ones are these, "It might have been"
And the very saddest memory is all I didn't say
And all the things I could have done that somehow got away
I cannot blame him half as much as I must blame my fear
It's all that makes me want to die and all that keeps me here
And the very saddest story is to say it might have been
And if we never try at all we never have to win
The losing is much easier, it's only fear and pain
If I win once it only means I have to win again
And of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest ones are these, "It might have been" (X2)
Kathy Mar's song "Saddest" is a poignant reflection of regret and lost opportunities. The lyrics express the singer's sense of despair and sorrow at having missed chances to connect with someone. She acknowledges that it was her choice to allow this person to infiltrate her thoughts and lead her to unfamiliar places, ultimately stripping her of her sanity. The very saddest part, however, is that she allowed it to happen.
The singer goes on to lament the moment when she let this person go, realizing too late that she didn't try hard enough to make it work. She was discarded by him once he had worn her out and used her up, leaving her with nothing but a deep sense of loss. The saddest memory for her is all the things she didn't say and the missed opportunities that somehow slipped away. She blames her fear for holding her back from taking action, noting that it's all that makes her want to die.
The song's message is clear: choosing not to try is often easier than facing the fear of failure. The saddest outcome is not the failure itself, but rather the knowledge that we didn't even make an effort. Mar's lyrics are a powerful reminder that we should always take a chance, even if it leads to pain or disappointment. It's only by trying that we can truly win in love and in life.
Line by Line Meaning
And the very saddest part is that I chose it on my own
I made the choice to let someone control and manipulate me, leading me to unknown places
I let him run my thoughts around to streets I'd never known
I allowed him to influence and shape my thoughts and ideas, taking me down paths that were new and unfamiliar
He drove me to distraction but I gave him all the keys
He caused me to lose focus and become extremely upset, but I willingly gave him the power to do so
He drove me from my sanity and quickly to my knees
He pushed me to the point of losing my sanity, and brought me to my knees in a state of defeat and vulnerability
And the very saddest moment was the moment of goodbye
Saying goodbye to him was the saddest moment because I knew I didn't try hard enough to make things work
I knew I had just let him go without a decent try
I realized that I didn't put in enough effort to save the relationship, and it was my fault that it ended
He wore me while I shimmered and discarded me at last
He used me while I was at my best, and then abandoned me in the end
He wore me out with overuse and then our times were past
He exhausted me by overusing my love and affection, and our relationship eventually came to an end
And of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest ones are these, "It might have been"
The saddest words are those that suggest we could have done things differently, but we didn't
And the very saddest memory is all I didn't say
The most regrettable memory is all the things I didn't express or communicate to him
And all the things I could have done that somehow got away
I missed out on opportunities to do things that could have helped the relationship because of my fear and hesitation
I cannot blame him half as much as I must blame my fear
While he may have played a role in the relationship's failure, I should take more responsibility and blame myself for succumbing to fear
It's all that makes me want to die and all that keeps me here
The regret and pain I feel makes me want to give up on life, but it also keeps me here because I know I need to learn from my mistakes
And the very saddest story is to say it might have been
The saddest story is one where we wonder what could have been, but it never came to fruition
And if we never try at all we never have to win
If we never put in any effort or take risks, we never have to deal with the possibility of losing or failing
The losing is much easier, it's only fear and pain
It's easier to fail than to try because failure only brings fear and pain
If I win once it only means I have to win again
If I succeed once, I must continue to try and win again because the possibility of losing again still exists
Contributed by Amelia G. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
Watson Franks
My dad wrote this song many years ago. Its a true story based on an experience in his life. He would be very glad to know so many people find it helpful in their grief.
John Artois
Beautiful song. You must be very proud of your father's song. It speaks so many emotions from the heart.
Kathy Wright
Beautiful song that helped me to cry and believe to see him again! Thank you sir!
Cindi Smith
My sister and I grew up singing this song also.. Beautiful song your dad wrote
Charles Roberts
Never heard of Kathy Kane before but she has a awesome voice. Wish I could hear more of her songs.
Connie Karsabehn
I so remember my mom teaching me this as a wee little girl. Made tears sting my eyes. I have lost both parents as I am up in age too now. Never have I stopped singing this song that meant so much to me as a small little three year old.
Dennis Massei
This song literally bought tears to my eyes. Wow, today is the first time I ever heard this song. I love it. I wanna hear more from Kathy Kane.
Patricia Masson
Great country singer. This is the first time I have heard Kathy sing. She has a beautiful voice!!!! I have been to Ireland twice and I want to go again. (I am from Missouri in the USA and I love country music.) I would like to see Kathy in concert. in Ireland.
finbar callan
Beautiful song, well sung by Kathy Kane.
Nick Kmita
This song always brings me to tears, no matter who is singing it. I used to sing it as a kid, but it's impossible now that it reminds me of my own father so much.