The River
Kyla La Grange Lyrics

When I was 10 years old I always needed to be told
At a young age, I was unable to cope with or grasp the concept of growing old, and continuously needed reassurance

That I should not be frightened by the fact that we grow old
I was scared of the inevitability of aging and the thought of what comes after death

But as the days slipped by I felt the pressing need to cry
As I grew older, my fears and anxieties towards growing old persisted and became more prominent, causing me to feel overwhelmed with emotion

And I quickly understood exactly why they'd had to lie
I eventually understood that people lied to protect me from the harsh realities of aging and death

In the daylight I could cope, because the sun seemed full of hope
During happier times, I was able to manage my fears and anxieties of growing old because of a sense of optimism or positivity

I laughed enough for two grown men and learnt I could tell jokes
I tried to distract myself from my fears and anxieties by finding joy in humor and laughter

But sadness has a subtle face and then it came to gloat
Despite my attempts to distract myself, sadness and fear eventually caught up to me and made themselves known

We heard about the girl and boy hung by their skipping rope
The reality and presence of death became more pronounced and real with the news of a tragic incident involving children

Isn't it too hard to conceive
Expressing the difficulty of comprehending the inevitability of death and the unknowns to follow

Doesn't it bring you to your knees?
It is an overpowering and consuming thought, that forces one to the ground

And all I want to do is to float with the river so free
Rather than face the fears and anxieties, I long to let myself be carried away by the freedom and carelessness of a river

Now, fear is not a gentle thing although it has no fists
Though fear cannot physically harm, it is still a force to be reckoned with and does not go unnoticed

It crawls down from your thoughts and ties you by your skinny wrists
Fear seeps into your thoughts and emotions and limits you from doing and being what you desire

Death will take your lips from you so that you cannot kiss
Death will strip you of your ability to love and be loved

But fear will leave you screaming out for all the love you'll miss
Fear will make you realize what you will lose and instill a deep sense of longing

And I had a friend who thought he knew exactly where he stood
I had a friend who believed he understood his place in life and had everything figured out

A place in heaven's safe for him as long as he did good
He believed that he would be rewarded with a place in heaven if he lived a virtuous life

But life and love ran through his veins and opened up his mind
Experiencing life and love made him realize that there is more to living and purpose than just being rewarded in the afterlife

Now he's got his gun but a new terror sings at night
Despite his initial beliefs, he is now consumed with fear and terror

And Larkin is the master in this poetry of fear
Philip Larkin was known for his ability to convey fear in his poetry

But he could never capture what cried darkly in his ears
Despite his expertise, even Larkin could not fully capture the depth and darkness of fear

And he would understand that though I wrote these words to sing
Larkin would be able to understand the sentiment portrayed in my song

These petty verses cannot hope to tell you anything
As powerful as the song may be, it is impossible for it to fully express the depth of emotion and fear felt towards growing old and death

So everyday I'll stop these thoughts before they'll take a hold
To avoid being consumed by fear, I try to suppress and stop these thoughts before they become overwhelming

Lying in my bed pretending that I won't grow old
One way of blocking out fear is to ignore the signs and realities of aging

And maybe when I'm 84 I'll sit and sing this song
Perhaps in old age, I will be able to look back on this fear with a sense of nostalgia and sing this song

Just hope that if I do then this fear is dead and gone
Hopefully, by that point, the fear and anxieties of growing old and dying would have dissipated