Lil Lotus was born John "Elias" Villagran in 1994. He grew up in an area just east of downtown Dallas, raised by strict and religious parents. At once sporty and rebellious, he soon developed tastes that were steeped in metal, finding kindred spirits at a local church with whom he started to make music. Metalcore and Christian metal were high on the agenda, the latter of which was accepted by his parents for its sentiment, if not the heaviness. Then, in 2011, when Villagran was just 17 years old, his father passed away -- the man who had given him his first guitar lessons -- leading an already impulsive and defiant teenager to go out on the road and live in his car for two years. When he returned, he eschewed his previous routine of collaborating with metal bands and decided to start writing and recording his own confessional material using minimal equipment.
After moving to L.A., Villagran hooked up with like-minded musicians such as the GothBoiClique collective and Canadian-born artist Nedarb , who produced the material that became the Bodybag EP. When the release took off, he began a period of eventful live appearances but a relatively fallow period for official Lil Lotus releases. Although he was prolifically uploading material onto free streaming services, the next official single with upfront marketing behind it was June 2018's mournful "Leave Me." By November of that year, he was completely drug and alcohol free, leading to a productive month for singles: two collaborative efforts and the acoustic-driven "Over It," the latter being another Nedarb production.
By 2019, Lil Lotus was back to living a comparatively quiet life in Dallas, but the following year brought a glut of releases, making it his most high-profile period to date. In an eight-month stretch, not only did he issue three EPs and two singles but also 2016-2018, a compilation of no fewer than 45 self-recorded tracks from his archives. At this point, Lil Lotus was working on solo music as well as material with post-hardcore band If I Die First and Boyfriendz a collaborative rap group with peers Lil Aaron and Smrtdeath . He stayed busy with these numerous projects, but he found time to issue a trio of EPs in 2020, All My Little Scars, Vol. 1, 2, and 3. New singles soon followed, leading up to the arrival of Lil Lotus' first full-length studio album, Errør Bøy, in August 2021. Released through Epitaph, the set included guest appearances from Lil Aaron , Travis Barker , and Chrissy Costanza .
Released albums
Errør Bøy (August 20, 2021)
Nosebleeder (December 1, 2023)
Eighteen
Lil Lotus Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
And now I know I′m twenty something
But I'm still-
And I still remember
Your hands in my hair and the fireplace in December
And time′s forever changing
But I still feel the same for you
And I don't wanna waste your time
And I know you have a better life
But it's stuck inside my head
I don′t wanna leave my bed
So just tell me you want me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you′ll come back and you're never leaving
Tell me you want me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you′ll come back and you're never leaving
I was eighteen when you loved me
And now I know I′m twenty something
But I'm still hoping that you′d come home
And tell me everywhere that you've gone
And I was eighteen when you loved me
And now I know I'm twenty something
And I′m still hoping that you′d come home
And tell me everywhere that you've gone
So just tell me you want me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you′ll come back and you're never leaving
Tell me you want me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you′ll come back and you're never leaving
So just tell me you want me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you′ll come back and you're never leaving
Tell me you want me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you'll come back and you′re never leaving
So just tell me you want me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you′ll come back and you're never leaving
Tell me you want me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you′ll come back and you're never leaving
I was eighteen when you loved me
And now I know I′m twenty something
But I'm still hoping that you′d come home
And tell me everywhere that you've gone
And I was eighteen when you loved me
And now I know I'm twenty something
And I′m still hoping that you′d come home
And tell me everywhere that you've gone
The lyrics of Lil Lotus's song Eighteen express the desire for a past lover to return and rekindle their relationship. The song reflects on a time when the singer was 18 and deeply in love with the listener. Although they are now in their twenties, they still long for the relationship they once had. The lyrics paint a picture of a nostalgic romantic relationship, with the memories of the listener's hands in the singer's hair and the warm fireplace of December still fresh in their mind. The lyrics convey the sense that despite the passing of time, the singer's feelings haven't changed and they hope that the listener's feelings are still the same as well.
The singer acknowledges that the listener may have moved on to better things in their life but they are still trapped within their own memories. The lyrics reveal a vulnerable side to the singer, who doesn't want to get out of bed and still pines for their past lover. The chorus repeatedly asks the listener to return and never leave again, expressing the desperation and yearning that the singer feels. The song concludes with the same plea for the listener to tell the singer where they have been and to return.
Overall, Eighteen is a poignant and reflective song that explores the passage of time and the lingering feelings of an old love. The lyrics express a sense of longing, vulnerability, and hope, showing the complexities of human emotion and relationships.
Line by Line Meaning
I was eighteen when you loved me
The artist reminisces about a past relationship, remembering the age they were when they were together.
And now I know I′m twenty something
The artist acknowledges that time has passed since their relationship, and they are now in their twenties.
But I'm still-
The artist hesitates to finish their thought or sentence, implying that they still have feelings for their past partner.
And I still remember
The artist recalls a specific memory from their past relationship.
Your hands in my hair and the fireplace in December
The specific memory the artist recalls involves physical intimacy and a cozy, wintertime setting.
And time′s forever changing
The artist reflects on the passage of time and how it alters their perspective and experiences.
But I still feel the same for you
Despite the changes of time, the artist's feelings for their past partner remain consistent.
I just wish you felt the same way too
The artist hopes that their past partner still has similar feelings for them.
And I don't wanna waste your time
The artist recognizes that their past partner may have moved on, and they don't want to impose themselves or their feelings on them unnecessarily.
And I know you have a better life
The artist acknowledges that their past partner's life may have evolved and improved since they were together.
But it's stuck inside my head
Despite their acknowledgement of their past partner's life changes, the artist's feelings for them continue to occupy their thoughts and emotions.
I don′t wanna leave my bed
The artist is so consumed by their feelings that they find it difficult to motivate themselves to get out of bed.
So just tell me you want me
The artist pleads with their past partner to express their feelings toward them and potentially rekindle their relationship.
Tell me you need me
The artist desires to feel needed and wanted by their past partner.
Tell me you′ll come back and you're never leaving
The artist longs for their past partner to commit to a future with them and never leave them again.
And I was eighteen when you loved me
The artist repeats the line from the beginning of the song, emphasizing the significance of their past relationship and the impact it has had on them.
And now I know I'm twenty something
The artist reinforces that time has passed since their relationship and that they have grown and changed in the interim.
And I′m still hoping that you′d come home
The artist continues to express their desire for their past partner to return to them.
And tell me everywhere that you've gone
The artist wants their past partner to update them on their life experiences since they were last together.
Writer(s): Lil Lotus
Contributed by Cole R. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
@acexM
I was eighteen when you loved me
And now I know I'm twenty something
But I'm still-
And I still remember
Your hands in my hair and the fireplace in December
And time's forever changing
But I still feel the same for you
I just wish you felt the same way too
And I don't wanna waste your time
And I know you have a better life
But it's stuck inside my head
I don't wanna leave my bed
So just tell me you want me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you'll come back and you're never leaving
Tell me you want me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you'll come back and you're never leaving
I was eighteen when you loved me
And now I know I'm twenty something
But I'm still hoping that you'd come home
And tell me everywhere that you've gone
And I was eighteen when you loved me
And now I know I'm twenty something
And I'm still hoping that you'd come home
And tell me everywhere that you've gone
@VashBlack
This is prime Lotus I love his music back then.
@tb504david
Sitting here all alone in my car getting elevated as the stars are.
@kodimane9001
getting drunk by myself vibes
@undergroundscientist5506
Same even now is it pathetic? Idk idc I just need this i relate to this song so much thanks to a girl who played me so hard when I was 18 now im 21 and yet... i still think of her sometimes. I need to move on but I just don't know how too.
@disastermidi1990
@@undergroundscientist5506 idk man I drink alone like, daily for the most part. I try not to judge. everyones gotta cope
@ryanvincent3619
@@disastermidi1990 i think if you rely on alcohol it is a problem and you would likely need to see someone (for your health and stuff) but i also like to drink alone and listen to music, you arent alone there haha
@matthewrobinson2391
Underground Scientist simp life.
@jaysglockk
i’ll join you bro
@acexM
I was eighteen when you loved me
And now I know I'm twenty something
But I'm still-
And I still remember
Your hands in my hair and the fireplace in December
And time's forever changing
But I still feel the same for you
I just wish you felt the same way too
And I don't wanna waste your time
And I know you have a better life
But it's stuck inside my head
I don't wanna leave my bed
So just tell me you want me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you'll come back and you're never leaving
Tell me you want me
Tell me you need me
Tell me you'll come back and you're never leaving
I was eighteen when you loved me
And now I know I'm twenty something
But I'm still hoping that you'd come home
And tell me everywhere that you've gone
And I was eighteen when you loved me
And now I know I'm twenty something
And I'm still hoping that you'd come home
And tell me everywhere that you've gone
@AdrianPerezzz
aexo thankyou bro having lyrics while listening is so much better