Håvard Ellefsen, often referred to as Mortiis, is the only constant band member. He was born in Skien, Telemark. Mortiis began his musical career playing bass for the black metal act Emperor. He stayed with the band just over one year before going on to create his own solo project, though unlike his previous band the music would be dark ambient oriented. Ellefsen was experimenting greatly with music during his early solo career. He started four separate projects, though the focus was always on Mortiis.
Ellefsen wrapped up work on the soundtrack to the movie Broken and The Devil's Chair (Renegade Films) in 2007. Both films were directed by Adam Mason who first worked with him on the Mortiis video for Decadent & Desperate. Having completed an album's worth of songs, Ellefsen commented at how they were "atmospheric and eerie" and also "very dark" while "some of it actually is semi-song structured, with some melody and sense to it." They were done under the Mortiis name. The collected music will eventually be released as a Mortiis album.
Mortiis as a band was formed shortly after the release of The Smell of Rain.
Dark Dungeon Music was the personal record label of Mortiis. It operated between 1995 and 1999 while Mortiis resided in Halmstad, Sweden, and released mostly limited-edition vinyl. It was dissolved as Mortiis moved back to Norway in late 1999.
For nearly the entirety of the band's existence, frontman Ellefsen has altered his facial appearance using several alternatives before using a prosthetic mask and ear set. The studio who made Mortiis' mask asked for a character reference for the moulding. The mask was always coupled with ears. During Era I the mask covered his whole face, though by Era III it had an appearance whereby it seemed to be falling off and was stitched in place. The mask was dropped after the release of Some Kind of Heroin. Having stated in an interview that the mask has been shelved "for better or worse", as part of the significance of Some Kind of Heroin.
Ellefsen's choice of dreadlocks (sometime after Era I), and various outfits helped produce the "Mortiis image". When asked as to what the mask represents he has answered, "I do not look upon myself as a goblin, or troll, or elf, or medieval. I am merely Mortiis." When talking about the influence for the imagery that his band uses, Ellefsen has commented, "A lot of people do not get that you can do more than just look like you're waiting for a bus. I mean how dull is that? I grew up with Kiss, W.A.S.P. and Alice Cooper.
The title of Era I was never intentional. It came about in 2001 when Mortiis was set to release The Smell of Rain, which was such a departure from his earlier records that he wanted to brand it in a way to signify this. All works previous to The Smell of Rain were thereafter referred to as Era I as a consequence. All of the Era I albums were composed entirely on synthesizers, creating a sound that Mortiis described as "dark dungeon music"- a fundamental influence on the later Dungeon Synth genre. The last album of this era, The Stargate, went a step further by introducing a wider range of instruments including acoustic guitars, flutes and dark vocals; mainly provided by Sarah Jezebel Deva.
Songs on The Smell of Rain were electropop, and frontman Ellefsen took to lead vocals for the first time. This would be the only release under the title of Era II. It was during this era that Ellefsen decided he needed to seek members to perform in a live setting, which later helped change how Mortiis as a band sounded. The first live shows with this new lineup and with Mortiis as frontman & vocalist took place in the United Kingdom in December 2001.
With Era III came The Grudge, which took an even more drastic turn from previous eras and is said to have made the biggest impression of any of his albums. The Grudge took on a heavy industrial rock emphasis, combining grinding guitars and industrial programming. Some of the longtime fans were again not too happy with this turn, but it helped gain Mortiis more new fans. In 2005, the Norwegian Culture Council selected The Grudge to be freely available for listening to the public in libraries across the country.
On 16 April 2007 Mortiis released a remix album titled Some Kind of Heroin, reworking material from The Grudge, via Earache Records. "Some Kind of Heroin" offers diverse remix material including interpretations by a wide range of contemporaries, such as Zombie Girl, Gothminister, Implant, XP8, PIG, The Kovenant, Velvet Acid Christ, Girls Under Glass, David Wallace, Kubrick, Flesh Field, Victor Vortexx, Dope Stars Inc, In the Nursery among others. In late 2009 and early 2010 earlier music has been partly reprogrammed and re-arranged for future live use.
On 10 October 2010 Mortiis released Perfectly Defect as a free internet only download album. Regarding why the album was free, Mortiis stated, "The new model of the music business is important to keep in mind; there's a new mentality out there in terms of how people acquire their music now." During this time and the subsequent tours, the visual appearance and sound was similar to that of Era III, but with a more Industrial appearance closer to Combichrist and without any form of mask which had been a key characteristic of previous eras. Although this is marked as being part of Era III, this could be construed as a movement in Era IV.
A four-year hiatus was broken on 8 June 2015 when a message placed on the band's Facebook page suggested a new album was on its way in a new era, Era 0. This was confirmed on 5 October 2015 when the release of the single "Doppelgänger," off the forthcoming album The Great Deceiver. The artwork for "Doppelgänger" included the familiar Mortiis logo, but with the Era 0 subscript, confirming the new Era. The album (The Great Deceiver) was originally finished in 2008, and included mixes by Chris Vrenna (of Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson).
Additional material was also finished with enough material for another album during 2009. To mark the return, Mortiis announced a series of US tours starting on 7 October 2015 with "The Devils Be Damned Tour". Despite the Era being 0, this was not a return to the original sound of Era I, but a continuation of that within Era III, again with complete lack of prosthetics or mask, but keeping the gothic/industrial costuming and face paint.
In January 2020, Mortiis returned to his Era 1 style of music with the album Spirit of Rebellion. The album was a reworking of his 1994 work Ånden som Gjorde Opprør, and was instigated after he was invited to perform at the 25th anniversary celebrations for former label Cold Meat Industry in 2017. In April 2020, he shared a work in progress tentatively entitled The Shadow of the Tower during the online Dungeon Synth festival 'Northeast Dungeon Siege'. An extract was also shared on Mortiis' Bandcamp page; again, the style of this new track reflected the style of the artist's early output. A previously unreleased 1997 track of the same name was released via the same website in October 2020, with Mortiis explaining that the piece had previously been used as atmospheric background music during his sporadic live shows of the era. A second such sample, entitled Blood Becomes Water, was released in July 2020.
Mortiis admitted to having long-held negative feelings about his 1990s output, feeling resentment towards perceived lack of quality in musicianship and production. However, he has since reassessed his detachment towards this material, and now sees renewed worth in the honesty and originality of his early records. In the period leading up to the release of Spirit of Rebellion, many of these early releases were reissued, having remained largely out of print for many years. Mortiis' 2001 book, Secrets of My Kingdom, was also reprinted as an expanded edition in 2018. Subtitled Return to Dimensions Unknown, the reprint featured new interviews, images and other archive material from the 1990s.
Side projects include Cintecele Diavolui, Fata Morgana, and Vond.
Hard to Believe
Mortiis Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Maybe I Was Right
Maybe It Was Anger
Maybe I Was Wrong
Maybe I Was Right
Maybe It Was Anger
Maybe it Was Me
How Could This Have Been Different?
How Could This Be Undone?
But It Feels So Insistent
I Don't Know I Don't Know I Don't Know I Don't Know
The Fights And The Lies The Deceit I Despise
Was It True Was It You I Can't Feel Was It Real?
How Low Can You Sink How Sick Of The Stink
Your Mind Is A Tar Pit And I Get Stuck In It
Used To Be A King Not A Thing
Until I Looked At My Soul In A Hole
And I Saw A Life Made Of Filth And Some Guilt
And Then I Knew It Was True
I Have To Thank You Thank You
It's Hard To Believe It's Hard To Believe I'm Still Here
It's Hard To Believe It's Hard To Believe At All
It's Hard To Believe It's Hard To Believe I'm Still Here
It's Hard To Believe It's Hard To Believe At All
Should I Swallow It All?
Pretend It Was All A Bad Dream?
Or Have I Been So Small
I Missed Something In Between?
The Fights And The Lies The Deceit I Despise
Was It True Was It You I Can't Feel Was It Real?
How Low Can You Sink How Sick Of The Stink
Your Mind Is A Tar Pit And I Get Stuck In It
Used To Be A King Not A Thing
Until I Looked At My Soul In A Hole
And I Saw A Life Made Of Filth And Some Guilt
And Then I Knew It Was True
I Have To Thank You Thank You
It's Hard To Believe It's Hard To Believe I'm Still Here
It's Hard To Believe It's Hard To Believe At All
And It's Hard To Kill It's Hard To Kill ThiS Fear
Was I The Only One Who Took The Fall?
In Mortiis's song "Hard to Believe," the lyrics reflect on the complexities of a relationship that has taken a negative turn. The singer expresses doubt and uncertainty, questioning whether they were wrong or right in their actions and whether their emotions were driven by anger. There is a sense of desperation as they try to understand how things could have been different and whether there is a way to undo the damage that has been done.
The lyrics also delve into the themes of deception and betrayal. The singer despises the fights, lies, and deceit that have tainted the relationship, questioning the authenticity of their partner and the reality of their own emotions. They feel trapped in a toxic cycle, with their mind becoming a metaphorical tar pit that they continuously get stuck in.
The bridge of the song brings a moment of self-reflection for the singer. They realize that they used to have a sense of power and confidence, but when they examined their soul, they discovered a life filled with filth and guilt. Despite the negative aspects, they ultimately acknowledge that they have to thank their partner for this realization, as it has brought them to a place of self-awareness and growth.
The overall tone of the song is one of resignation and a struggle to believe in the situation they find themselves in. The repeated refrain of "It's Hard to Believe" underscores the difficulty in accepting the reality of the relationship and their own emotions.
Line by Line Meaning
Maybe I Was Wrong
Perhaps I made a mistake in my past actions or beliefs
Maybe I Was Right
Possibly, my previous choices or views were accurate
Maybe It Was Anger
Perhaps the emotion of anger played a role
Maybe it Was Me
Potentially, I am responsible for the situation
How Could This Have Been Different?
In what way could this have turned out differently?
How Could This Be Undone?
How can the consequences of this be reversed?
But It Feels So Insistent
Nevertheless, the intensity of the situation is undeniable
I Don't Know I Don't Know I Don't Know I Don't Know
I am uncertain and lacking knowledge about the situation
The Fights And The Lies The Deceit I Despise
I strongly dislike the arguments and dishonesty
Was It True Was It You I Can't Feel Was It Real?
Was it genuine? Was it caused by you? I struggle to discern the authenticity
How Low Can You Sink How Sick Of The Stink
To what depths can you stoop? I am disgusted by the foulness
Your Mind Is A Tar Pit And I Get Stuck In It
Your thoughts and mentality are like a sticky tar pit that ensnares and traps me
Used To Be A King Not A Thing
I was once important and influential, but now I feel insignificant
Until I Looked At My Soul In A Hole
Until I examined the depths of my being and found emptiness
And I Saw A Life Made Of Filth And Some Guilt
I realized that my existence was tainted with moral impurity and remorse
And Then I Knew It Was True
Subsequently, I became aware that it was indeed the reality
I Have To Thank You Thank You
I feel compelled to express gratitude towards you
It's Hard To Believe It's Hard To Believe I'm Still Here
It is challenging to accept that I am still present despite everything
It's Hard To Believe It's Hard To Believe At All
It is difficult to have faith or trust in anything anymore
Should I Swallow It All?
Should I accept and internalize everything without question?
Pretend It Was All A Bad Dream?
Should I act as if it was merely a nightmare?
Or Have I Been So Small
Or is it that I have been so insignificant?
I Missed Something In Between?
Did I fail to recognize or understand something important?
And It's Hard To Kill It's Hard To Kill ThiS Fear
It is challenging to overcome and eliminate this feeling of terror
Was I The Only One Who Took The Fall?
Did I bear the sole responsibility and suffer the consequences alone?
Lyrics © Sentric Music
Written by: Håvard Ellefsen
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind