Håvard Ellefsen, often referred to as Mortiis, is the only constant band member. He was born in Skien, Telemark. Mortiis began his musical career playing bass for the black metal act Emperor. He stayed with the band just over one year before going on to create his own solo project, though unlike his previous band the music would be dark ambient oriented. Ellefsen was experimenting greatly with music during his early solo career. He started four separate projects, though the focus was always on Mortiis.
Ellefsen wrapped up work on the soundtrack to the movie Broken and The Devil's Chair (Renegade Films) in 2007. Both films were directed by Adam Mason who first worked with him on the Mortiis video for Decadent & Desperate. Having completed an album's worth of songs, Ellefsen commented at how they were "atmospheric and eerie" and also "very dark" while "some of it actually is semi-song structured, with some melody and sense to it." They were done under the Mortiis name. The collected music will eventually be released as a Mortiis album.
Mortiis as a band was formed shortly after the release of The Smell of Rain.
Dark Dungeon Music was the personal record label of Mortiis. It operated between 1995 and 1999 while Mortiis resided in Halmstad, Sweden, and released mostly limited-edition vinyl. It was dissolved as Mortiis moved back to Norway in late 1999.
For nearly the entirety of the band's existence, frontman Ellefsen has altered his facial appearance using several alternatives before using a prosthetic mask and ear set. The studio who made Mortiis' mask asked for a character reference for the moulding. The mask was always coupled with ears. During Era I the mask covered his whole face, though by Era III it had an appearance whereby it seemed to be falling off and was stitched in place. The mask was dropped after the release of Some Kind of Heroin. Having stated in an interview that the mask has been shelved "for better or worse", as part of the significance of Some Kind of Heroin.
Ellefsen's choice of dreadlocks (sometime after Era I), and various outfits helped produce the "Mortiis image". When asked as to what the mask represents he has answered, "I do not look upon myself as a goblin, or troll, or elf, or medieval. I am merely Mortiis." When talking about the influence for the imagery that his band uses, Ellefsen has commented, "A lot of people do not get that you can do more than just look like you're waiting for a bus. I mean how dull is that? I grew up with Kiss, W.A.S.P. and Alice Cooper.
The title of Era I was never intentional. It came about in 2001 when Mortiis was set to release The Smell of Rain, which was such a departure from his earlier records that he wanted to brand it in a way to signify this. All works previous to The Smell of Rain were thereafter referred to as Era I as a consequence. All of the Era I albums were composed entirely on synthesizers, creating a sound that Mortiis described as "dark dungeon music"- a fundamental influence on the later Dungeon Synth genre. The last album of this era, The Stargate, went a step further by introducing a wider range of instruments including acoustic guitars, flutes and dark vocals; mainly provided by Sarah Jezebel Deva.
Songs on The Smell of Rain were electropop, and frontman Ellefsen took to lead vocals for the first time. This would be the only release under the title of Era II. It was during this era that Ellefsen decided he needed to seek members to perform in a live setting, which later helped change how Mortiis as a band sounded. The first live shows with this new lineup and with Mortiis as frontman & vocalist took place in the United Kingdom in December 2001.
With Era III came The Grudge, which took an even more drastic turn from previous eras and is said to have made the biggest impression of any of his albums. The Grudge took on a heavy industrial rock emphasis, combining grinding guitars and industrial programming. Some of the longtime fans were again not too happy with this turn, but it helped gain Mortiis more new fans. In 2005, the Norwegian Culture Council selected The Grudge to be freely available for listening to the public in libraries across the country.
On 16 April 2007 Mortiis released a remix album titled Some Kind of Heroin, reworking material from The Grudge, via Earache Records. "Some Kind of Heroin" offers diverse remix material including interpretations by a wide range of contemporaries, such as Zombie Girl, Gothminister, Implant, XP8, PIG, The Kovenant, Velvet Acid Christ, Girls Under Glass, David Wallace, Kubrick, Flesh Field, Victor Vortexx, Dope Stars Inc, In the Nursery among others. In late 2009 and early 2010 earlier music has been partly reprogrammed and re-arranged for future live use.
On 10 October 2010 Mortiis released Perfectly Defect as a free internet only download album. Regarding why the album was free, Mortiis stated, "The new model of the music business is important to keep in mind; there's a new mentality out there in terms of how people acquire their music now." During this time and the subsequent tours, the visual appearance and sound was similar to that of Era III, but with a more Industrial appearance closer to Combichrist and without any form of mask which had been a key characteristic of previous eras. Although this is marked as being part of Era III, this could be construed as a movement in Era IV.
A four-year hiatus was broken on 8 June 2015 when a message placed on the band's Facebook page suggested a new album was on its way in a new era, Era 0. This was confirmed on 5 October 2015 when the release of the single "Doppelgänger," off the forthcoming album The Great Deceiver. The artwork for "Doppelgänger" included the familiar Mortiis logo, but with the Era 0 subscript, confirming the new Era. The album (The Great Deceiver) was originally finished in 2008, and included mixes by Chris Vrenna (of Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson).
Additional material was also finished with enough material for another album during 2009. To mark the return, Mortiis announced a series of US tours starting on 7 October 2015 with "The Devils Be Damned Tour". Despite the Era being 0, this was not a return to the original sound of Era I, but a continuation of that within Era III, again with complete lack of prosthetics or mask, but keeping the gothic/industrial costuming and face paint.
In January 2020, Mortiis returned to his Era 1 style of music with the album Spirit of Rebellion. The album was a reworking of his 1994 work Ånden som Gjorde Opprør, and was instigated after he was invited to perform at the 25th anniversary celebrations for former label Cold Meat Industry in 2017. In April 2020, he shared a work in progress tentatively entitled The Shadow of the Tower during the online Dungeon Synth festival 'Northeast Dungeon Siege'. An extract was also shared on Mortiis' Bandcamp page; again, the style of this new track reflected the style of the artist's early output. A previously unreleased 1997 track of the same name was released via the same website in October 2020, with Mortiis explaining that the piece had previously been used as atmospheric background music during his sporadic live shows of the era. A second such sample, entitled Blood Becomes Water, was released in July 2020.
Mortiis admitted to having long-held negative feelings about his 1990s output, feeling resentment towards perceived lack of quality in musicianship and production. However, he has since reassessed his detachment towards this material, and now sees renewed worth in the honesty and originality of his early records. In the period leading up to the release of Spirit of Rebellion, many of these early releases were reissued, having remained largely out of print for many years. Mortiis' 2001 book, Secrets of My Kingdom, was also reprinted as an expanded edition in 2018. Subtitled Return to Dimensions Unknown, the reprint featured new interviews, images and other archive material from the 1990s.
Side projects include Cintecele Diavolui, Fata Morgana, and Vond.
Worst In Me
Mortiis Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
I would have found a way
Did you want me to break down?
Did you want me to give in?
Found so many ways to hate myself
Found so many ways to put them all away
Don't care if the whole world falls apart
Don't care if you hated me from the start
You bring out the worst in me
Pick and peel it off this dried up skin
Strip it away this flash and gore
Open it up the stink of your sin
Was it holy as you hoped at heart at the core?
Did you want me to break down?
Did you want me to give in?
Found so many ways to hate myself
Found so many ways to put them all away
Don't care if the whole world falls apart
Don't care if you hated me from the start
You bring out the worst in me
I make you stronger
You make me weaker
Can't take this much longer
Since I stopped being a seeker
Pick and peel it off this dried up skin
Strip it away this flash and gore
Open it up the stink of your sin
Was it holy as you hoped at heart at the core?
Did you want me to break down?
Did you want me to give in?
Found so many ways to hate myself
Found so many ways to put them all away
Don't care if the whole world falls apart
Don't care if you hated me from the start
You bring out the worst in me
I make you stronger
You make me weaker
Can't take this much longer
Since I stopped being a seeker
Rip and tear this un-bleeding dead
Naked and cold nothing left to steal
Can't get it back wish I was dead instead
It will never close this fucking sore will never heal
I am a ghost you are my host
You will never see me again
The lyrics of Mortiis’ song Worst in Me contain powerful emotions and suggest that the singer has been struggling with self-hate for a long time, and all because of the actions of someone else, who the singer is addressing. The opening lines “I could have found a way, I would have found a way” suggest that the singer is admitting that they could have done something to change the situation they are in or stop it from happening, but they didn’t. The following lines “Did you want me to break down? Did you want me to give in?” suggest that the person the singer is addressing was picking on them or wanting them to fail.
The chorus “You bring out the worst in me” reinforces the idea that the main character is dealing with feelings of self-hate and self-destruction, which they attribute to the other person. Despite this, the singer seems resigned to their fate, as they continue to sing “Don't care if the whole world falls apart. Don't care if you hated me from the start”. The lines “I make you stronger. You make me weaker. Can't take this much longer. Since I stopped being a seeker” reveal that the person the singer is addressing is manipulating them, and it is taking its toll on their mental health.
The final verse “Rip and tear this un-bleeding dead. Naked and cold, nothing left to steal. Can't get it back, wish I was dead instead. It will never close, this fucking sore will never heal” suggests that the singer feels empty and discarded like a dead body being stripped of its value. The last line “I am a ghost. You are my host. You will never see me again” implies that the singer has had enough and is done with the situation entirely, and it's about time to move forward.
Line by Line Meaning
I could have found a way
I had the capability of finding a solution.
I would have found a way
I was determined to find a solution no matter what.
Did you want me to break down?
Were you trying to make me emotionally collapse?
Did you want me to give in?
Were you hoping I'd surrender?
Found so many ways to hate myself
I have discovered a multitude of reasons to despise myself.
Found so many ways to put them all away
I have figured out multiple strategies to suppress my negative feelings.
Don't care if the whole world falls apart
It doesn't matter if everything around me crumbles.
Don't care if you hated me from the start
It's irrelevant if you have always disliked me.
You bring out the worst in me
Your actions make me behave in a destructive or unpleasant manner.
Pick and peel it off this dried up skin
Remove the layers that shield my true self.
Strip it away this flash and gore
Take off the superficial details, the blood and guts.
Open it up the stink of your sin
Expose the odor that comes from your wrongdoing.
Was it holy as you hoped at heart at the core?
Despite your claims, was it truly virtuous at its essence?
I make you stronger
My presence or actions positively affect you.
You make me weaker
Your presence or actions have a negative impact on me.
Can't take this much longer
I cannot endure this situation for an extended period.
Since I stopped being a seeker
Ever since I stopped being a person who searches for answers.
Rip and tear this un-bleeding dead
Destroy and mutilate something that is already lifeless.
Naked and cold nothing left to steal
Vulnerable and exposed, there is nothing more to take.
Can't get it back wish I was dead instead
It cannot be retrieved, and I wish for death instead.
It will never close this fucking sore will never heal
This wound will never heal; it will persist indefinitely.
I am a ghost you are my host
I feel like a spirit, and you are the person to whom I am attached.
You will never see me again
You will never encounter me once more.
Lyrics © O/B/O APRA AMCOS
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind