"The verses detail a couple of brief, regular real-life moments where I wish I’d acted differently, where I’d said or done something else in the moment."
The official studio release date is February 18, 2019 but the song was first posted on Orla’s YouTube channel on September 20, 2018.
"Why am I Like This?" is featured on the first season of the Netflix show "Heartstopper".
Why Am I Like This?
Orla Gartland Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
My dad would have been so upset
Then we got tattoos by the coast
And I just stood there like a ghost
Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
Maybe you don't really want me there at your birthday party
I'll be there in the corner thinking right over
So, why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
I saw a girl crying on the train
Gin and tonic from a can to ease the pain
And I never asked if she was okay
She just got up and walked away
Oh, it's like I'm looking down from the ceiling above
Never in the moment, never giving enough
Let's go out and shout the words we never said
I've got my mistakes on loop inside my head, inside my head
So, why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
(Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body)
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? (maybe you don't really want me there)
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? (Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body)
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? (maybe you don't really want me there)
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
Maybe you don't really want me there at your birthday party
I'll be there in the corner thinking right over
Every single word of the conversation we just had
In "Why Am I Like This?" Orla Gartland explores her anxiety, self-doubt, and introspection. The song is about overthinking and being out of step with the world, even when hanging out with people or meeting strangers. The first verse is about her smoking a cigarette, an act she perceives as a rebellion but knows that her dad would disapprove of. Then, she goes on to talk about getting tattoos by the coast, and how she feels like a ghost because she's not fully present in the moment. In the pre-chorus, she wonders if she's an old soul in a young body and feels she doesn't fit in.
The chorus repeats the phrase "Why am I like this?" as a rhetorical question, asking why she feels out of step with the world, why she overthinks and gets stuck in her head. In the second verse, she describes seeing a girl crying on the train and admits to not asking if she is okay. The verse explores Gartland's tendency to avoid uncomfortable situations and how she feels disconnected from her surroundings. The bridge expands on the theme, where Gartland feels like an observer of her own life, like she's watching herself from above. She wants to break out of this cycle of self-doubt and be more present in social situations.
Line by Line Meaning
Last night I smoked a cigarette
I did something that goes against what my dad would want for me
My dad would have been so upset
My dad has certain expectations of me that I struggle to live up to
Then we got tattoos by the coast
I did something impulsive with my friends
And I just stood there like a ghost
I feel disconnected from the experiences I have
Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
I feel like I have a different perspective on life than people my age
Maybe you don't really want me there at your birthday party
I worry that I don't fit in with others and don't belong in certain social situations
I'll be there in the corner thinking right over
Even when I'm in social situations, I still introspect and analyze my thoughts and actions
Every single word of the conversation we just had
I obsess over the details of my interactions with others
I saw a girl crying on the train
I noticed the emotions of someone else, but didn't act on it
Gin and tonic from a can to ease the pain
She was attempting to alleviate her emotional pain with alcohol
And I never asked if she was okay
I missed an opportunity to help someone else
She just got up and walked away
The girl left without getting the support she needed
Oh, it's like I'm looking down from the ceiling above
I feel like I'm disassociated from my own life and experiences
Never in the moment, never giving enough
I feel like I'm not fully present in my own life
Let's go out and shout the words we never said
I wish I could express myself more fully and honestly
I've got my mistakes on loop inside my head, inside my head
I replay my past mistakes over and over in my mind
Why am I like this?
I question why I have certain tendencies and habits
Maybe you don't really want me there
I fear that I don't belong in certain social situations
Why am I like this? (maybe you don't really want me there)
I worry that my social anxiety and self-doubt are affecting my relationships
Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
I feel like I have a different perspective on life than people my age
Why am I like this?
I question why I have certain tendencies and habits
Why am I like this?
I feel like I don't fully understand myself and my motivations
Why am I like this?
I struggle with my own identity and sense of self
Why am I like this?
I want to understand why I have certain thought patterns and behaviors
Why am I like this?
I feel like I don't fit in or belong
Why am I like this?
I want to find a sense of purpose and direction in my life
Why am I like this?
I want to break out of my own patterns and tendencies
Why am I like this?
I want to understand myself in order to improve myself
Why am I like this?
I want to find meaning in my experiences and relationships
Why am I like this?
I want to feel more connected and engaged with my own life
Why am I like this?
I want to break free from my own insecurities and fears
Why am I like this?
I want to learn how to live a more fulfilling life
Why am I like this?
I want to overcome my own limitations and obstacles
Why am I like this?
I want to feel more confident and secure in who I am
Why am I like this?
I want to find my place in the world
Why am I like this?
I want to know who I am and what I stand for
Why am I like this?
I want to understand my own emotions and feelings
Why am I like this?
I want to learn how to live a more authentic and meaningful life
Why am I like this?
I want to find peace and happiness within myself
Why am I like this?
I want to develop a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me
Why am I like this?
I want to grow and change as a person
Why am I like this?
I want to be the best version of myself possible
Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Written by: Orla Joan Gartland
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
Scrunglylilguy24
Lyrics!!
Last night I smoked a cigarette
My dad would have been so upset
Then we got tattoos by the coast
And I just stood there just like a ghost
Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
Maybe you don’t really want me there at your birthday party
I'll be there in the corner, thinking right over
Every single word of the conversation we just had
So why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
Why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
Why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
Why am I like this?
I saw a girl crying on the train
Gin and tonic from a can to ease the pain
And I never asked if she was okay
She just got up and walked away
Oh-oh, it's like I’m looking down from the ceiling above
Never in the moment, never giving enough
Let's go out and shout the words we never said
I got my mistakes on a loop inside my head
Inside my head
So why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
Why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
Why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
Why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
Why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
Why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
Why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
Why am I like this?
(Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body)
Why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
(Maybe you don't really want me there)
Why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
(Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body)
Why am I like this? Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? Why am I?
(Maybe you don't really want me there)
Why am I like this?
Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
Maybe you don't really want me there at your birthday party
I’ll be there in the corner, thinking right over
Every single word of the conversation we just had
makaelaplaysroblox
Lyrics:
Last night I smoked a cigarette
My dad would have been so upset
Then we got tattoos by the coast
And I just stood there like a ghost
Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
Maybe you don't really want me there at your birthday party
I'll be there in the corner thinking right over
Every single word of the conversation we just had
So, why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
I saw a girl crying on the train
Gin and tonic from a can to ease the pain
And I never asked if she was okay
She just got up and walked away
Oh, it's like I'm looking down from the ceiling above
Never in the moment, never giving enough
Let's go out and shout the words we never said
I've got my mistakes on loop inside my head, inside my head
So, why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? (maybe you don't really want me there)
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? (Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body)
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this? (maybe you don't really want me there)
Why am I
Why am I like this?
Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
Maybe you don't really want me there at your birthday party
I'll be there in the corner thinking right over
Every single word of the conversation we just had
Emily Kim
This song came at such a perfect time in my life when I was in high school. Confusion, heart break, loneliness... Dunno why it's being uploaded now, but it was a good moment of bittersweet nostalgia
josh B
It’s the exact same for me. I’m glad tho.
amedilen
the song was used in the netflix show Heartstopper!! this upload is probably for folks discovering it after watching :’)
Emily Kim
@amedilen gottcha! thank you for letting me know
Alana Munson
I'm in middle school and I listen to it everyday
Ileana Mas
@amedilensiiii
Parker
so weird hearing this after it being in HEARTSTOPPER versus hearing it for the first time when you first uploaded it. crazy how much can happen in that much time!!!
Dareaurum A.G.
I'll never forget the days I used to cry to this song on high school. I would love to talk to that version of me, to tell her that we'll be fine and she shouldn't worry. She's not straight, she's not neurotypical, but that's okay. She'll be fine and we'll remember this song with SO much love.
Dumbo Directioner
Thank you Heartstopper for introducing me to this absolute MASTERPIECE
Neyagrl
Love love love this song! "Heartstopper" brought me here 💙