To This Day
Shane Koyczan Lyrics

When I was a kid
During my childhood

I used to think that pork chops and karate chops were the same thing
I mistakenly believed that pork chops and karate chops were identical

I thought they were both pork chops
I believed they were both pieces of pork

and because my grandmother thought it was cute and because they were my favourite she let me keep doing it
Since my grandmother found it adorable and they were my preferred food, she allowed me to continue with this misconception

not really a big deal
Not a significant issue

one day before I realized fat kids are not designed to climb trees
On a day prior to my understanding that overweight children are not well-suited for tree climbing

I fell out of a tree and bruised the right side of my body
I had a fall from a tree, resulting in bruises on the right side of my body

I didn’t want to tell my grandmother about it because I was afraid I’d get in trouble for playing somewhere that I shouldn’t have been
I hesitated to inform my grandmother since I feared being scolded for playing in an unauthorized location

a few days later the gym teacher noticed the bruise and I got sent to the principal’s office
After a few days, the gym teacher noticed my bruise, leading to my referral to the principal's office

from there I was sent to another small room with a really nice lady who asked me all kinds of questions about my life at home
Subsequently, I was taken to another small room where I interacted with a kind lady who inquired about various aspects of my home life

I saw no reason to lie as far as I was concerned life was pretty good
Having no motivation to deceive, I honestly believed that life was going well

I told her 'whenever I’m sad my grandmother gives me karate chops'
I shared with her that whenever I felt upset, my grandmother offered me physical comfort like karate chops

this led to a full scale investigation and I was removed from the house for three days until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises
This statement initiated a comprehensive inquiry, resulting in my temporary removal from home until they finally inquired about the cause of my bruises

news of this silly little story quickly spread through the school and I earned my first nickname
The incident rapidly circulated as gossip within the school, leading to the acquisition of my initial nickname

pork chop
The nickname 'pork chop' which I obtained

to this day I hate pork chops
Even now, I have a strong aversion towards pork chops

I’m not the only kid who grew up this way
I am not the sole child who experienced this upbringing

surrounded by people who used to say that rhyme about sticks and stones as if broken bones hurt more than the names we got called and we got called them all
Enclosed by individuals who recited the rhyme about sticks and stones, falsely suggesting that physical injuries hurt more compared to the verbal insults we endured, of which we encountered various ones

so we grew up believing no one would ever fall in love with us
Consequently, we developed the belief that nobody would ever love us

that we’d be lonely forever
We thought we would experience eternal loneliness

that we’d never meet someone to make us feel like the sun was something they built for us in their tool shed
We assumed we would never encounter an individual who could make us feel as if they specifically crafted the sun for us in their tool shed

so broken heart strings bled the blues as we tried to empty ourselves so we would feel nothing
Consequently, our fractured heartstrings caused us immense emotional pain as we strived to empty ourselves and become completely numb

don’t tell me that hurts less than a broken bone
Please do not claim that emotional pain hurts less than a physical injury

that an ingrown life is something surgeons can cut away
Do not assert that a life stifled by negativity can be surgically removed like an ingrown hair

that there’s no way for it to metastasize
Do not claim that negativity cannot further spread throughout one's life

she was eight years old our first day of grade three when she got called ugly
On her first day of grade three, at the age of eight, she was insulted and referred to as ugly

we both got moved to the back of the class so we would stop get bombarded by spit balls
Both of us were relocated to the back of the classroom in order to avoid being incessantly targeted by spitballs

but the school halls were a battleground where we found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day
However, the school corridors resembled a battlefield in which we were consistently outnumbered, causing us great anguish each day

we used to stay inside for recess because outside was worse
We opted to remain indoors during recess as the situation outside was even more unfavorable

outside we’d have to rehearse running away or learn to stay still like statues giving no clues that we were there
If we ventured outside, we either had to practice escaping or remain motionless, akin to statues, so as not to reveal our presence

in grade five they taped a sign to her desk that read beware of dog
By the time we reached fifth grade, her desk was adorned with a sign cautioning others about her, as if she were a dangerous dog

to this day despite a loving husband she doesn’t think she’s beautiful because of a birthmark that takes up a little less than half of her face
Even now, despite having a loving husband, she struggles to perceive herself as beautiful due to a birthmark that covers a portion of her face

kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer that someone tried to erase but couldn’t quite get the job done
Children used to remark that she resembled an incorrect response that someone attempted to erase but failed to fully erase

and they’ll never understand that she’s raising two kids whose definition of beauty begins with the word mom
They will never comprehend that she is raising two children whose concept of beauty starts with the word 'mom'

because they see her heart before they see her skin
Her children perceive her inner goodness and kindness prior to noticing her physical appearance

that she’s only ever always been amazing
She has consistently been extraordinary

he was a broken branch grafted onto a different family tree adopted
He was like a damaged branch attached to a separate family tree through adoption

but not because his parents opted for a different destiny
Although his parents chose a different fate for him through adoption, it was not due to their personal preference

he was three when he became a mixed drink of one part left alone and two parts tragedy
At the age of three, he became a concoction comprising abandonment and two portions of tragic circumstances

started therapy in 8th grade had a personality made up of tests and pills
He embarked on therapy during eighth grade and had a persona largely shaped by examinations and medications

lived like the uphills were mountains and the downhills were cliffs four fifths suicidal
He lived his life as if slight challenges were insurmountable mountains and minor setbacks were treacherous cliffs, feeling almost completely consumed by thoughts of suicide

a tidal wave of antidepressants and an adolescence of being called popper
He was inundated with antidepressant medication and spent his teenage years being labeled as a drug user

one part because of the pills and ninety nine parts because of the cruelty
Pills played a small role, while the vast majority of his pain was due to the cruelty he experienced

he tried to kill himself in grade ten when a kid who still had his mom and dad had the audacity to tell him 'get over it' as if depression is something that can be remedied by any of the contents found in a first aid kit
In tenth grade, he attempted suicide when a classmate, who was fortunate enough to have both parents, had the nerve to advise him to 'get over it', as if depression can be cured with basic first aid supplies

to this day he is a stick of TNT lit from both ends
Even now, he remains highly combustible, akin to a stick of dynamite ignited from both ends

could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends in the moments before it’s about to fall
He possesses the ability to vividly depict the way the sky distorts just before it collapses

and despite an army of friends who all call him an inspiration he remains a conversation piece between people who can’t understand
Despite having a multitude of friends who consider him an inspiration, he continues to be a topic of discussion among individuals who fail to comprehend his experiences

sometimes becoming drug free has less to do with addiction and more to do with sanity
In some instances, achieving a state of being free from substance abuse is not primarily motivated by addiction but rather by the restoration of one's mental well-being

we weren’t the only kids who grew up this way
We were not the sole children who had similar experiences during our upbringing

to this day kids are still being called names
Even today, children continue to be subjected to derogatory name-calling

the classics were hey stupid hey spaz
The traditional insults included phrases like 'hey stupid' and 'hey spaz'

seems like each school has an arsenal of names getting updated every year
It appears that every school possesses a collection of derogatory terms that are constantly revised and updated each year

and if a kid breaks in a school and no one around chooses to hear do they make a sound?
If an incident occurs within a school and nobody present acknowledges it, does it still hold significance?

are they just the background noise of a soundtrack stuck on repeat
Or are these incidents merely insignificant background noise, like a repetitive soundtrack?

when people say things like 'kids can be cruel'
When individuals make statements such as 'kids can be cruel'

every school was a big top circus tent and the pecking order went from acrobats to lion tamers from clowns to carnies
Every school resembled a grand circus tent, where the social hierarchy ranged from acrobats to lion tamers, and from clowns to carnival workers

all of these were miles ahead of who we were we were freaks lobster claw boys and bearded ladies oddities
All of these individuals were significantly more respected than we were, as we were considered peculiar and abnormal, comparable to boys with lobster claws and bearded ladies

juggling depression and loneliness playing solitaire spin the bottle trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal
Struggling with depression and loneliness, we attempted to cope through solitary activities like playing solitaire or engaging in a game of spin the bottle, searching for emotional healing by embracing our own wounded selves

but at night while the others slept we kept walking the tightrope
During the nighttime, while others peacefully slept, we continued to navigate the challenges of life like tightrope walkers

it was practice and yeah some of us fell
These experiences served as practice, and yes, some of us stumbled and encountered failures

but I want to tell them that all of this shit is just debris leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought we used to be
However, I want to convey to them that all of these grievances are merely remnants, left behind once we choose to shatter our preconceived notions of who we once were

and if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself get a better mirror look a little closer stare a little longer
If you struggle to recognize any beauty within yourself, it is advised to obtain a improved mirror and examine yourself more attentively and for an extended period of time

because there’s something inside you that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to quit
This is because there exists something within you that compelled you to persist, even in the face of those who encouraged you to give up

you built a cast around your broken heart and signed it yourself you signed it 'they were wrong'
You constructed a protective shell around your shattered heart and adorned it with your own signature, boldly declaring 'they were wrong'

because maybe you didn’t belong to a group or a clique
Perhaps you did not fit into a specific social group or click

maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything
Or maybe they consistently chose you last for basketball or any other activity

maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth to show and tell but never told
Possibly, you used to bring bruises and chipped teeth to show-and-tell sessions, but you never disclosed the true cause of these injuries

because how can you hold your ground if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it
It is nearly impossible to maintain your position if everyone surrounding you desires to suppress and undermine you

you have to believe that they were wrong
Therefore, you must firmly believe that their judgments and opinions were incorrect

they have to be wrong
Their judgements simply must be incorrect

why else would we still be here?
Otherwise, what other explanation is there for why we are still here, persevering?

we grew up learning to cheer on the underdog because we see ourselves in them
During our formative years, we acquired the habit of rooting for the underdog because we identified with their struggles

we stem from a root planted in the belief that we are not what we were called we are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on a highway
We originate from a foundation rooted in the conviction that we are not defined by the labels we were given, nor are we akin to abandoned vehicles left immobile and deserted alongside a highway

and if in some way we are don’t worry we only got out to walk and get gas
And if, by chance, we resemble abandoned vehicles, there is no need for concern. We simply stepped out to take a walk and refill our tanks with fuel

we are graduating members from the class of fuck off we made it
We are triumphant members of the 'fuck off, we made it' graduating class

not the faded echoes of voices crying out names will never hurt me
We are not the diminished echoes of individuals proclaiming that names will never inflict harm upon us

of course they did
Of course, the names indeed caused pain

but our lives will only ever always continue to be a balancing act that has less to do with pain and more to do with beauty
However, our lives will persist as an ongoing balancing act, which focuses less on pain and more on beauty