The Woodbridge Dog Disaster
Stan Rogers Lyrics


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There was an old woman in Woodbridge there was
So proper and tidy and all of them things
She would wander all day with her duster in hand
She was one of those women who clean where they stand
And while she is at it she sings, boys
And while she is at it she sings.
(And you sing too)
Now there's no doubt about it her house was a show
With everything proper and stowed in its place
And that's why her dustbins had a shed of their own
Like a mirror each one of those bins it had grown
You could read every line in your face, boys
You could read every line in your face.

Now there's nothing the matter with tidiness, no
No matter with keeping your house up to scratch
But these bins were located one side of a yard
Where a Doberman Pinscher was prowling on guard
Trained to kill if you lifted the latch, boys,
Trained to kill if you lifted the latch.

Now it's all very well to protect what is yours
And it's better not leaving temptation around
But a job of the dust is rewarding enough
And there's nothing like taking the smooth with the rough
To be savaged by some bloody hound, boys
To be savaged by some bloody hound.

Now this Doberman Pinscher would play in the yard
And a couple of old tennis balls was his game
In his make-believe game it's himself that he saw
As the world's only dog with a bionic jaw (grrr)
And that's when the garbage man came, boys
And that's when the garbage man came.

Now fate took a hand on this coldest of days
For his wife she had made him to wear a warm coat
And to knot up his muffler to keep out the chill
And for once in his life he had bent to her will
And the dog couldn't get at his throat, boys
And the dog couldn't get at his throat.

Now when the woman above was drawn to the noise
It's down from a high chamber window she called
To the dustman engaged in a struggle for life
In a middle class tone you could cut with a knife
She loudly exclaimed, "Kick his balls," boys
She loudly exclaimed, "Kick his balls."

Now the dustman could scarcely believe the command
But he didn't have time to request it again
So ignoring distinctions of language and class
He unleashed a size ten on the Doberman's ass
And its eyes misted over with pain, boys
And its eyes misted over with pain.

Now imagine the silence that followed that blow (yelp)
With the command ringing on in the poor dustman's ears
And as the poor doggie lay writhing around
You could see the two tennis balls there on the ground (oooh)
And her meaning was rendered quite clear, boys
And her meaning was rendered quite clear.

Now I'd like to explain that this dog was at stud
And the dustman was sued for the fees that he'd lost
But it's lucky he was to escape with his life
He went home with a kiss for his poor startled wife
Who harangued him for what it might cost, boys
Who harangued him for what it might cost.

Now if there's a moral to be gained from this song
It's that innocent language might sometimes sound crude
And as in the case of the carpenter's mate
Your linguistic enlightenment might arrive late




And you could end up getting screwed, boys
And you could end up getting screwed.

Overall Meaning

The Woodbridge Dog Disaster is a humorous but cautionary tale about the dangers of being too fastidious and the consequences of a seemingly innocuous remark. The song tells the story of an old woman in Woodbridge who valued cleanliness above all else. Her house was always immaculate, and she sang while she tidied up. However, her obsessive behavior extended to her dustbins, which were kept in a shed in her yard. Unfortunately, the shed was guarded by a Doberman Pinscher trained to attack anyone who tried to open the latch.


One day, the dustman came to collect the bins, and the dog attacked him. Fortunately for the dustman, he was wearing a warm coat and a muffler that protected his throat. The woman above, who had been drawn to the commotion, shouted down to the dustman to "kick his balls," meaning to kick the dog in the testicles. The dustman did as he was told, and the dog retreated with its eyes misting over with pain. However, the woman's statement could also be interpreted as an inappropriate suggestion, leading to a lawsuit by the dog's owner.


Line by Line Meaning

There was an old woman in Woodbridge there was
In Woodbridge, there lived an old woman who was proper and tidy.


So proper and tidy and all of them things
The old woman was very neat and particular about the cleanliness of her home.


She would wander all day with her duster in hand
The woman would spend all day cleaning, never leaving her duster out of her hand.


She was one of those women who clean where they stand
The woman was very thorough in her cleaning, ensuring that every spot where she stood was spotless.


And while she is at it she sings, boys
While cleaning, the woman would sing, possibly to make the job more enjoyable.


Now there's no doubt about it her house was a show
The old woman's house was very impressive, everything properly organized and put away.


With everything proper and stowed in its place
All of the woman's possessions were organized and put away in their proper places.


And that's why her dustbins had a shed of their own
The woman had a special shed built for her dustbins to keep them organized and out of the way.


Like a mirror each one of those bins it had grown
The woman kept her dustbins so clean that they were reflective like a mirror.


You could read every line in your face, boys
The reflection was so clear that you could see every detail of your face in the bin.


Now there's nothing the matter with tidiness, no
There is nothing wrong with being clean and organized.


No matter with keeping your house up to scratch
It is important to maintain your home to a high standard.


But these bins were located one side of a yard
The dustbins were situated on one side of the yard.


Where a Doberman Pinscher was prowling on guard
A Doberman Pinscher was guarding the bins and the yard.


Trained to kill if you lifted the latch, boys
The dog was trained to attack and possibly kill anyone who attempted to open the latch to the yard or bins.


Now it's all very well to protect what is yours
It is important to protect your possessions and property.


And it's better not leaving temptation around
It is best not to leave anything that could tempt someone to enter or try to take something from your property.


But a job of the dust is rewarding enough
A job cleaning is rewarding, without the added risk of being attacked by a dog.


And there's nothing like taking the smooth with the rough
It is important to take the good with the bad, but being attacked by a dog is too much bad.


To be savaged by some bloody hound, boys
Being attacked by a dog is brutal and bloody.


Now this Doberman Pinscher would play in the yard
The Doberman Pinscher would play in the yard with a few tennis balls.


And a couple of old tennis balls was his game
The Doberman Pinscher enjoyed playing with old tennis balls.


In his make-believe game it's himself that he saw
The dog imagined himself to be the only one with a bionic jaw when playing with the balls.


And that's when the garbage man came, boys
This is the moment when the garbage man showed up to pick up the dustbins.


Now fate took a hand on this coldest of days
By coincidence or fate, this happened on a very cold day.


For his wife she had made him to wear a warm coat
The garbage man's wife made him wear a coat to keep warm on this cold day.


And to knot up his muffler to keep out the chill
She also had him tie up his muffler to keep his neck warm in the cold weather.


And for once in his life he had bent to her will
This is the first time the garbage man had given in to his wife's request.


And the dog couldn't get at his throat, boys
The garbage man was protected from the dog's attack by his coat and muffler.


Now when the woman above was drawn to the noise
The old woman in the house above heard the commotion and went to investigate.


It's down from a high chamber window she called
She called down from a high window in her house.


To the dustman engaged in a struggle for life
She saw the garbage man fighting off the dog for his life.


In a middle class tone you could cut with a knife
The woman spoke to the garbage man in a tone that revealed her middle-class status.


She loudly exclaimed, "Kick his balls," boys
The woman yelled at the garbage man to kick the dog's testicles.


Now the dustman could scarcely believe the command
The garbage man could hardly believe what the woman was telling him to do.


But he didn't have time to request it again
He didn't have time to ask for clarification or question the order.


So ignoring distinctions of language and class
The garbage man ignored the differences in social status and obeyed the order given.


He unleashed a size ten on the Doberman's ass
The garbage man kicked the dog with his size 10 shoe in the rear end to defend himself.


And its eyes misted over with pain, boys
The dog's eyes filled with tears as he was in pain from getting kicked.


Now imagine the silence that followed that blow
After the garbage man kicked the dog, there was silence as everyone took in what had just happened.


(yelp)
The dog let out a yelp of pain from getting kicked.


With the command ringing on in the poor dustman's ears
The woman's command to kick the dog's balls stayed with the garbage man even after the incident.


And as the poor doggie lay writhing around
The dog was left writhing in pain on the ground.


You could see the two tennis balls there on the ground (oooh)
The two tennis balls that the dog was playing with were on the ground beside him.


And her meaning was rendered quite clear, boys
The woman's command had a very clear meaning that was understood by everyone there.


Now I'd like to explain that this dog was at stud
The dog was a stud and the owner was breeding him to make money.


And the dustman was sued for the fees that he'd lost
The garbage man was sued for the money the owner lost from not being able to breed the dog due to his injuries.


But it's lucky he was to escape with his life
The garbage man was fortunate to escape the incident without being severely injured or killed by the dog.


He went home with a kiss for his poor startled wife
The garbage man went home to his wife who was surprised and worried about what happened to him.


Who harangued him for what it might cost, boys
The garbage man's wife scolded him for the potential cost of the lawsuit and damages he might face.


Now if there's a moral to be gained from this song
The song may have a lesson to learn from.


It's that innocent language might sometimes sound crude
Sometimes innocent language can be interpreted as being crude or vulgar.


And as in the case of the carpenter's mate
This refers to another story, possibly implying that this incident is not unique.


Your linguistic enlightenment might arrive late
One may not understand the true meaning of words or orders until it's too late.


And you could end up getting screwed, boys
One could end up in trouble or disadvantaged from not understanding language or orders properly.




Contributed by Savannah D. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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