Ah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book
"Broadway Musicals of the 1940s"
No roommate to bother me
How could it get any better than this?

Oh, hi, Rod
Hi, Nicky

Hey Rod, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

Hmm, that's very interesting

He was being real friendly
And I think he was coming on to me
I think he might've thought I was gay

Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?
Hmm, why should I care?
I don't care
What did you have for lunch today?

Oh, you don't have to get all defensive, Rod
I'm not getting defensive
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?
I am trying to read

Well, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about

Well, I don't want to talk about it Nicky
This conversation is over
Yeah, but Rod
Over

Well, okay, but just so you know
If you were gay
That'd be okay
I mean 'cause, hey
I'd like you anyway (ugh)
Because you see
If it were me
I would feel free to say that I was gay (but I'm not gay)

Nicky, please, I am trying to read
What?

If you were queer
Ah, Nicky
I'd still be here
Nicky, I am trying to read this book
Year after year
Nicky

Because you're dear to me
Argh
And I know that you
What?
Would accept me too
I would?

If I told you today
"Hey, guess what? I'm gay" (but I'm not gay)
I'm happy just being with you
High button shoes, Pal Joey
So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?
Nicky, that is gross
No, it's not
If you were gay
I'd shout hooray
I am not listening

And here I'd stay
La, la, la, la, la
But I wouldn't get in your way

Aah

You can count on me
To always be
Beside you every day
To tell you it's okay
You were just born that way
And, as they say it's in your DNA
You're gay
I am not gay

If you were gay
Argh

Overall Meaning

The song "If You Were Gay" by John Tartaglia and Rick Lyon is a conversation between two puppet characters called Rod and Nicky, where Nicky tries to convince Rod to be more accepting of homosexuality. Rod is shown as a very straight-laced character who is more interested in reading his book than discussing anything else, especially same-sex attraction. Nicky, on the other hand, is a more open-minded character who tries to convince Rod that being gay is perfectly okay and he would still accept him and be friends with him if he was gay. The song lyrics try to challenge societal stereotypes and encourage the acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community.

Interestingly, the song has been performed by both men and women in different productions of the popular Broadway musical, Avenue Q. The song was originally written for a male character, but it has been adapted for female characters as well. Additionally, the song has been covered by various artists, such as Darren Criss, who sang it on Glee, and Jordan Fisher, who covered it in the soundtrack of the TV version of Rent. The song's catchy tune and humorous lyrics have made it a popular choice for musical theatre auditions and karaoke nights.

Another interesting fact about the song is that it was inspired by the writers' personal experiences. John Tartaglia, who played the original "Rod" in Avenue Q, came out as gay during the show's production, which inspired Rick Lyon, who played Nicky, to write the song. The song's lyrics were based on Rick's conversations with John, where he would jokingly ask John if he was gay and John would answer "No, but if I were, it'd be okay."

The song has received mixed reactions from the LGBTQ+ community. While some see it as a lighthearted and humorous way to address societal stereotypes, others feel that it perpetuates harmful stereotypes and can be used to invalidate same-sex attraction. Despite the criticisms, the song has become a fan favorite and has been performed at various LGBTQ+ events, including Pride festivals and gay weddings.

Chords:
Verse: A, E
Chorus: D, A, E

Line by Line Meaning

Ah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book
This is so great! I can finally enjoy my time without any interruptions!

Broadway Musicals of the 1940s
I love this book, it's so entertaining and delightful

No roommate to bother me
I don't have any distractions - this is the best day ever!

How could it get any better than this?
This is perfection, there is no way it could be better

Hey Rod, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning
I have some exciting news I want to share with you, Rod!

Hmm, that's very interesting
I'm trying to show interest in what you're saying, even though I'm not really interested.

He was being real friendly
This guy was really nice to me and treated me well

And I think he was coming on to me
I think this guy might have been interested in me romantically, maybe even sexually.

I think he might've thought I was gay
I believe this man may have thought that I was homosexual

Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?
Why would you tell me this? What does it have to do with me?

Hmm, why should I care?
I'm pretending that I don't care about what you're saying because I don't want to address the actual issue.

I don't care
I don't want to talk about this. I don't want this conversation to continue.

What did you have for lunch today?
I'm trying to change the subject because I don't want to talk about what you just told me.

Well, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod
I didn't have any ulterior motives when I told you that story, Rod.

I just think it's something we should be able to talk about
We need to be able to talk about homosexuality and LGBTQ+ topics without judgement.

Well, I don't want to talk about it Nicky
I'm not comfortable having this conversation with you.

This conversation is over
I'm trying to end this conversation and move on to something else.

Yeah, but Rod
I know you don't want to talk about this, but we should still address it.

Over
I don't want to keep talking about this - the conversation is finished.

Well, okay, but just so you know
I'll respect your wishes and talk about something else, but I want to express my thoughts first.

If you were gay
This is a hypothetical situation where you were homosexual.

That'd be okay
I would be accepting of you and your sexuality.

I mean 'cause, hey
It wouldn't affect our friendship and I'd still enjoy spending time with you.

I'd like you anyway (ugh)
I'm a little uncomfortable saying this, but I'd still be your friend regardless of your sexuality.

Because you see
This is my reasoning behind why it doesn't matter if you're gay or not.

If it were me
If I were gay

I would feel free to say that I was gay (but I'm not gay)
I feel comfortable talking about homosexuality even though I am not homosexual.

Nicky, please, I am trying to read
I'm getting annoyed because you won't stop talking and let me read my book.

What?
What do you want?

If you were queer
This is another hypothetical situation where you were homosexual.

Ah, Nicky
I don't want to talk about this.

I'd still be here
I would still be your friend and support you.

Year after year
Our friendship would endure even as time passes.

Because you're dear to me
I care about you deeply as a friend.

And I know that you
I trust that you

Would accept me too
You'd treat me with respect and kindness if I were homosexual.

I would?
I didn't realize you felt this way about me - I'm a little confused about our relationship now.

If I told you today
If I told you I was homosexual today,

Hey, guess what? I'm gay (but I'm not gay)
I'm hypothetically coming out to you as homosexual.

I'm happy just being with you
Our friendship is valuable to me, even if I do have romantic or sexual feelings for people of the same gender.

High button shoes, Pal Joey
These are just random examples of other musicals that I like to listen to.

So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?
It doesn't matter to me what you do in your personal life.

Nicky, that is gross
I'm uncomfortable with this conversation and I don't want to keep talking about it.

No, it's not
I disagree with you - it's not gross to be homosexual.

If you were gay
This is another hypothetical situation where you were homosexual.

I'd shout hooray
I would be excited and happy for you, since you could be true to who you are.

And here I'd stay
I would remain your friend, even though your sexuality has changed in this hypothetical scenario.

But I wouldn't get in your way
I would support you and not interfere with your lifestyle, romantic relationships, or sexual preferences.

Aah
This conversation is making me stressed and I'm feeling overwhelmed.

You can count on me
You can trust me to be there for you and support you.

To always be
No matter what happens or what you're going through, I'll be there for you.

Beside you every day
I'll always be close by and available if you need me.

To tell you it's okay
I'll reassure you and offer comfort if you're feeling down or uncertain.

You were just born that way
Homosexuality is not a choice - it's an inherent part of who you are.

And, as they say it's in your DNA
Your sexuality is a part of your genetic makeup.

You're gay
You are attracted to people of the same gender.

I am not gay
I am not attracted to people of the same gender.

just now