Jackson Park Express
"Weird Al" Yankovic Lyrics

Tuesday morning, 8:15
The singer is telling us the specific day and time when the events he's about to describe occurred.

I was riding to work on the Jackson Park Express
The singer was on his way to work on a particular bus route known as the Jackson Park Express.

Seemed like any other day
Up until this point, the ride seemed ordinary and similar to any other day.

Then my whole world changed / In a way I never could have guessed
The entrance of a woman on the bus caused a sudden shift in the artist's perception and expectations, as he never could have guessed he would meet someone that day.

'Cause she walked in / Took the seat right across the aisle
The woman in question walked in and sat in the seat across the aisle from the artist.

I knew we had a special connection / The second I saw her smile
The singer felt there was a connection between him and the woman as soon as he saw her smile.

She smiled as if to say / "Hello, haven't seen you on this bus before"
The woman smiled in a way that made the singer think she was acknowledging something about him, such as being a stranger on the bus.

I gave her a look that said / "Huh, life is funny, you never know what's in store
The artist gave the woman a look to express his surprise at how life can be unpredictable.

By the way, your hair is beautiful / I bet it smells like raisins"
The artist gave the woman a compliment about her hair and made a playful comment about the scent of it.

She looked at me in a way that asked / "Did you have a nose job or something?
The woman gave the artist a curious look that suggested she was wondering if he had had a surgery on his nose.

I'm only asking, cause your nose looks slightly better / Than the rest of your face"
The woman made a joke about the singer's nose being more attractive than the rest of his face.

I arched my eyebrow, ever so slightly / Which was my way of asking / "Do you want my old Hewlett-Packard printer?
The artist used a facial expression as a way of suggesting to the woman that he had a printer she could have.

Then, she let out a long sigh / Which, I took to mean, "Uh"
The woman sighed, which the singer interpreted as a negative response to his previous offer.

"Mama, what is that deodorant you're wearing? / It's intoxicating
The woman made a comment about the singer's deodorant being pleasant.

Why don't we drive out to the country sometime? And collect deer ticks in a zip-lock baggie", oh yeah
The woman made a bizarre suggestion about going to the countryside to collect deer ticks in a zip-lock baggie.

I gave her a penetrating stare / Which could only mean / "You are my answer, my answer to everything
The artist stared at the woman in a way that expressed how much he was drawn to her and how she seemed significant to him.

Yes, it all happened / On the Jackson Park Express
The events of the song took place while they were on the Jackson Park Express bus.

I knew she was starting to fall for me / 'Cause she crinkled her nose, which unmistakably meant / "Baby, lets wear each other's clothes
The singer felt that the woman was attracted to him when she crinkled her nose. He interpreted that sign as her being open to wearing each other's clothes.

And speak in a thick German accent / And, maybe someday we can own and operate / Our own mobile pet-grooming service"
The woman expressed interest in him by jokingly suggesting the possibility of running a mobile pet-grooming service and speaking in a thick German accent.

I couldn't hold back my feelings / I gave her a look, that said / "I would make any sacrifice for your love
The artist couldn't contain his emotions and expressed his strong feelings for the woman by looking at her and implying he would do anything for her.

Goat, chicken, whatever / I could never hold you close enough / Let's have our bodies surgically grafted together / Oh, surgically grafted together"
The artist expressed how much he wanted to be physically close to the woman by suggesting they surgically connect their bodies together.

She picked up a newspaper, and started reading to herself / Which I'm sure, was a way of telling me / "When you're cold, I will warm you
The woman started reading a newspaper, a sign that she wasn't interested in continuing the conversation. The artist saw this as a way of telling him that she would support him romantically.

When you're shivering, I will hold you / When your nauseous, I will give you Pepto-Bismol every hour / For as long as the symptoms persist"
The singer imagined the woman taking care of him in various ways, like holding him when he's cold and giving him Pepto-Bismol when he's sick.

Oh, I, I never, ever want to see you cry / So, please let me cauterize your tear ducts with an arc welder
The artist wanted to prevent the woman from crying and offered a bizarre solution by suggesting he cauterize her tear ducts with an arc welder.

Then, I glanced down, at her shirt, for a second / In a way that clearly implied / "I like your boobs"
The singer looked at the woman's chest, giving her an indication that he appreciated her breasts.

I cleared my throat quietly, and then, I looked away / And I'm sure it was obvious to her, just what I was trying to say
The singer appeared to be nervous when he cleared his throat and avoided eye contact. The impression he gave was that he was trying to imply something indirectly to her.

I was trying to say, "Hey / I'd like to make a wall-sized mural out of all the dead skin cells / That you slough off while you sleep at night"
The singer was trying to convey to the woman that he had a bizarre request of making a mural out of her dead skin cells.

"Whoa-o-Oh, "I'd like to rip you wide open / And french-kiss every single one of your internal organs
The artist expressed in a twisted way that he wanted to kiss her internal organs.

Oh, I'd like to remove all your skin, and wear your skin, over my own skin / But not in a creepy way"
The artist overtly creeped the woman out by expressing his interest in wearing her skin for him, while at the same time claiming it wasn't creepy.

Then, I'm pretty sure, she looked at me, out of the corner of her good eye / And, though, she never spoke a word, this is exactly what I heard
The singer had an unclear interaction with the woman, and he interpreted her nonverbal signals as having positive intentions.

She was saying, "Oh! / I wanna make out with you, in an abandoned toll-booth, in the middle of a monsoon / I wanna ride dolphins with you, in the moonlight / Until the staff at Sea World kicks us out
The woman expressed desires to the singer that were as strange as what he had previously said. She wanted a night of passion in strange places with him.

I want you inside me, oh, like a tapeworm"
The woman further revealed her intense sexual desire towards the artist, comparing it to having a tapeworm inside of her.

I pointed to the side of my mouth, as a way of indicating / "Hey, I think you got something on the side of your mouth"
The artist signaled to the woman that she had something on her face by pointing to the side of his mouth.

She licked the corner of her lips, as if to say / "Here?", I nodded, implying, "Yeah, you got it"
The woman nonverbally asked the artist where the mark was, and he confirmed its location to her.

And, then the bus stopped, at 53rd Street, and she got up suddenly / "Where are you going?", pleaded my eyes, "Baby, don't you do this to me
The woman got off the bus abruptly, causing the singer to be distressed and seek answers as to why.

Think of the beautiful children we could have someday / We could school them at home, raise them up the right way / And protect them from the evils of the world / Like Trigonometry and Prime Numbers, oh no / Baby, please don't go"
The artist made several bizarre proposals to the woman, such as having children and homeschooling them to avoid teaching them math objects such as trigonometry and prime numbers.

She brushed my leg, as she left the bus / I'm sure that was her way of saying / "I'm sorry this just isn't working out
The woman's brushing off the singer's leg was her final goodbye gesture before exiting the bus as she tried to express to him that she wasn't interested in pursuing something between them any further.

You're suffocating me / I need some space to find out what life's all about / So, goodbye forever, my love"
The woman explained to him that he's suffocating her and instead needs space to explore the world as she waved goodbye to him permanently.

And deep inside, I knew she was right / It was time for us both to move on
The singer eventually accepts that the relationship wouldn't work, so it was better for both of them to move on.

And no, I never got her number, oh no no / She never bothered to leave her address, oh
The artist didn't have a way to keep in touch with the woman, as he never got her number and she didn't leave her address.

But, as long as I live, I'll never forget / Those precious moments we shared together
Despite everything, the artist cherishes the time spent with the woman and admits it's something he'll always remember.