My Own Eyes
"Weird Al" Yankovic Lyrics

I saw a baby drive a truck
I witnessed a baby driving a truck, which is quite unusual and unbelievable.

I saw a junkie eat a tuba
I witnessed a drug addict eating a musical instrument, which is strange and unheard of.

I saw a stripper kiss a duck
I saw a female performer who takes off her clothes for money kiss a bird, which is weird and unexpected.

Behind a dumpster in Aruba
This strange occurrence happened in the Caribbean island country of Aruba at a location behind a garbage container.

I saw this fat, psychotic guy
I saw a man who was both overweight and mentally deranged.

His underwear was made of crickets
The man's undergarment was made of insects, which is bizarre and impossible.

He pawned a skeleton to buy
The man traded a human skeleton for something he wanted, which is disturbing and unethical.

Some old expired lotto tickets
He acquired tickets to a lottery game that had already ended, and thus they were worthless.

I saw a naked vagrant giving
I witnessed a homeless person who was completely unclothed performing an act of reviving another creature.

Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to his cat
He was trying to revive his feline pet through performing CPR.

I probably could have gone my whole life
Had I not seen this scene, I would have been content to never have witnessed it.

Without seeing that
This was an event I wish I had not seen since it is unsettling and unpleasant to recall.

With my own eyes
From my personal experience without any external influence, I saw unusual events that defy logic and explanation.

I see things that'd drive a normal man insane
The events I witnessed are so absurd that they would cause a regular person to lose their sanity.

Wish I could disconnect my brain
I desire to dissociate my brain from the visuals I had witnessed to not be haunted by them.

From my own eyes
These things were witnessed by me alone, and they are memories that remain in my mind.

I saw a mime get hacked to death
I saw a street performer who was using gestures and facial expressions to entertain kill by someone using an imaginary knife.

With an imaginary cleaver
The weapon used to attack the mime was not real, but it still resulted in their death.

I saw an old man's final breath
I was present when an elderly person expired and took their last breath.

I watched him die from Bieber Fever
The elderly person passed away as they were fanatically obsessed with a young music artist named Justin Bieber.

I saw these diabetic chicks
I saw girls with diabetes, a blood sugar disorder that affects insulin production.

In an abandoned 7-Eleven
This event occurred at a convenience store that was empty and deserted.

I watched them snorting pixie sticks
The girls were inhaling a sweet powder called pixie sticks, which is an unusual way of consuming it.

While they were belching Stairway To Heaven
The girls were burping out lyrics to a song called Stairway To Heaven, which is a humorous and absurd scene.

I saw two drag queens trying to see how many crackers
I saw two men dressed up in women's clothing attempting to put crackers up their nostrils and see how many they can fit.

They could shove up each other's nose
The duo was also trying to one-up each other by fitting more crackers up their noses.

I'd like to erase my mind completely but I suppose
I wish I could forget this incident entirely, but unfortunately, it is an indelible memory.

That's just the way it goes
Such bizarre and absurd occurrences happen, and I have to accept this fact.

Those visions haunt my memory
These unusual events left a lasting impact on my mind and keep resurfacing.

Oh, there's so much I wish I could unsee
There are many haunting visuals that I want to forget and never remember again.

Some priest got drunk and stole a circus zebra
An ordained religious leader became intoxicated and took away an animal, which is an inappropriate and unbecoming act.

And he trained it to massage his back
The priest taught the circus animal to rub his back and provide therapy, which is an unusual thing to teach a zebra.

My guinea pig committed hara-kiri
My pet rodent deliberately ended its own life as a form of ritual suicide practiced in Japan called hara-kiri.

So we used him to play hacky-sack
To make use of the dead animal, we played a game called hacky-sack that involves kicking a small bean-filled bag around.

My neighbor's kids sold weapons grade plutonium
The children of my neighbor sold a radioactive material called weapons grade plutonium, which is dangerous and illegal to possess.

And frosty ice-cold lemonade
They also sold a cold and refreshing drink called lemonade alongside the illegal substance.

They took MasterCard and sometimes
The children accepted payments through a credit card company called MasterCard, and sometimes used a strange form of trade.

Human organs in trade, that's how we paid
People would pay for their products both in money and human organs, keeping the illegal transactions under wraps.

I have to say that it was really darn good lemonade
Despite the illicit nature of their business, they made and sold excellent lemonade, and it was good to drink.