Coil spent the next period of its existence exploring visual media. In late 1984 they recorded a rendition of Tainted Love (originally recorded by Gloria Jones, but made popular by Soft Cell in the 80s), producing a widely banned, hallucinogenic video clip featuring Marc Almond as the Angel of Death; despite considerable controversy at home, the video ultimately found its way to the archives of the Museum of Modern Art. After spending several years working with filmmaker Derek Jarman on the feature The Angelic Conversation, Coil issued a remixed edition of their soundtrack. Following 1986’s Nightmare Culture, a collaboration with Boyd Rice produced as split release with Current 93, Christopherson and Balance invited Stephen Thrower to join the group in a full-time capacity. As a trio, they recorded 1986’s LP Horse Rotorvator, introducing orchestral, jazz, and middle Eastern textures into the mix; this album included The Anal Staircase.
In 1987, Coil issued The Unreleased Themes for Hellraiser, a collection of atmospheric gothic instrumentals commissioned for but ultimately cut from the Clive Barker horror film, followed by compilation album Gold Is the Metal (With the Broadest Shoulders), a remixed history of the group’s first several years of work. Unnatural History, another career overview, effectively ended the first phase of the band’s career in 1990; when Coil resurfaced a year later with Love’s Secret Domain, their music reflected the strong influence of the acid house culture. Another long layoff brought on by financial difficulties ended in 1995, when the group - now consisting of Sleazy, Balance, and Drew McDowell - signed to Nine Inch Nails’ Trent Reznor’s Nothing Records to release Backwards, an album which was never officially released, although it is available in a number of bootleg versions. Additionally, they recorded the LP Worship the Glitch, issued under the name ELpH, and in 1996 cut A Thousand Lights in a Darkened Room as Black Light District.
1998 marked a significant stylistic shift for Coil, as the group moved away from the industrial dance sound they pioneered in the first half of their career towards what Balance referred to as "Moon Musick". This began with the release of four seasonal EPs throughout that year, coinciding with the equinoxes and solstices; this marked the group making further forays into ambient and neoclassical styles. Lyrically, there was a push towards naturalistic, pagan imagery, and an emphasis on free form, improvisatory chants. All four of these releases were later collected and released as Moons Milk (in Four Phases) in 2002. Coil also put out a purely drone based project, Time Machines, under that alias the same year.
In 1999 Coil started to work with Thighpaulsandra, and with him released the chilling Musick to Play in the Dark, a dark, meditative work featuring mostly intoned vocals from Balance, and exploring deeper electronic textures and pitches. A second volume followed in 2000. After years of refusal to do so, Coil started to perform live again in 1999. They released a number of albums containing the various shows they did in the period 2000 - 2004. Coil have released a lot of material in very limited editions, and have distributed certain records only at concerts. In 2003 they started a project to re-issue these tracks. Amidst their sporadic touring, and growing internal tensions within the group, Black Antlers was released in 2004, consisting of many of the songs played in concert at the time. This would prove to be the last studio recording put out in Balance's lifetime.
Jhonn Balance’s long-time struggle with alcoholism led to his death on 13th November, 2004. He fell from the second floor window at his home, while drunk, and died a short time after. Coil’s last live performance took place at Dublin’s City Hall on 23 October 2004 and is expected to appear on the forthcoming DVD box set “Colour Sound Oblivion”. A number of songs that were (as good as) ready were released in autumn 2005 as a last farewell to Jhonn.
Peter Christopherson passed away peacefully in his sleep on November 25, 2010. Instead of sending flowers in memory of Peter Christopherson, people were asked to donate money to help children affected by AIDS in Thailand, the country he loved and died in.
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Gave Up
Coil Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Forgot how it feels well almost
No one to blame always the same
Open my eyes wake up in flames
It took you to make me realize
It took you to make me realize
It took you to make me realize
It took you to make me see the light
Smashed up my integrity
Smashed up what I believed in
Smashed up what's left of me
Smashed up my everything
Smashed up all that was true
Gonna smash myself to pieces
I don't know what else to do
Covered in hope and Vaseline
Still cannot fix this broken machine
Watching the hole it used to be mine
Just watching it burn in my steady systematic decline
Of the trust I will betray
Give it to me I throw it away
After everything I've done I hate myself for what I've become
I tried
I gave up
Throw it away
The song "Gave Up" by Nine Inch Nails is a powerful expression of self-loathing and desperation. The opening lines describe a perfect dream that ends up hurting the most. The singer is struggling to come to terms with the fact that their dreams have been shattered and they are left with nothing but self-destruction. The lyrics "Smashed up my everything, Smashed up all that was true, Gonna smash myself to pieces, I don't know what else to do" are a haunting expression of despair.
The chorus of the song, "It took you to make me realize, It took you to make me see the light" suggests that the singer is blaming someone else for their predicament. However, the rest of the lyrics convey a sense of personal responsibility for the self-destruction that is taking place. The lyrics "Watching the hole it used to be mine, Just watching it burn in my steady systematic decline" suggest that the singer is aware of their own self-destruction, but is unable to stop it.
The final verse of the song "Of the trust I will betray, Give it to me I throw it away, After everything I've done I hate myself for what I've become, I tried, I gave up, Throw it away" suggest that the singer is aware of the pain they are causing others, but is unable to stop themselves from betraying the trust of those around them. The song is a powerful and deeply personal expression of the pain and despair that can result from losing everything that is important in life.
Line by Line Meaning
Perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most
Referring to a situation or relationship that seems perfect but is ultimately damaging and painful.
Forgot how it feels well almost
The singer has been numbed to their emotions and is struggling to feel anything.
No one to blame always the same
A sense of hopelessness and resignation to a repeated cycle of negative events.
Open my eyes wake up in flames
The artist has finally become aware of the destructive nature of their situation, and it is causing intense pain.
It took you to make me realize
The artist required another person to bring to light their own issues and shortcomings.
It took you to make me see the light
The other person's influence allowed the singer to gain a new perspective on their situation.
Smashed up my sanity
The situation has severely impacted the singer's mental health and stability.
Smashed up my integrity
The artist's sense of personal values and morals have been destroyed.
Smashed up what I believed in
The artist's faith in certain ideals or concepts has been shattered.
Smashed up what's left of me
The artist's identity and sense of self have been severely damaged.
Smashed up my everything
The effects of the situation have permeated every aspect of the singer's life.
Smashed up all that was true
The artist's understanding of reality has been distorted and destroyed.
Gonna smash myself to pieces / I don't know what else to do
The singer is resigned to their fate, and feels that self-destruction is their only option.
Covered in hope and Vaseline / Still cannot fix this broken machine
Despite attempts to cover up the damage and maintain some sense of optimism, the situation remains irreparable.
Watching the hole it used to be mine / Just watching it burn in my steady systematic decline
The singer is watching as they lose everything they once held dear, and cannot stop the gradual decline.
Of the trust I will betray / Give it to me I throw it away
The artist acknowledges their tendency to betray the trust of others, and feels powerless to stop it.
After everything I've done I hate myself for what I've become
The artist is filled with self-loathing and regret for the choices they have made.
I tried / I gave up / Throw it away
Despite attempts to change the situation or themselves, the singer has given up and discarded everything.
Lyrics © O/B/O APRA/AMCOS
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