What is the Moment of Truth
Fractured Lyrics

I wish I was like you,
I wish I didn't have to think or question things like you do, I wish I was simpler and more ignorant.

I wish I had it all mapped out,
I wish I had a clear understanding of everything in the world, like you seem to believe you do.

I wish I was in more complete understanding of myself and my role within this wondrous world, and by that I mean I wish I was as stupid as you.
I wish I could just be ignorant and not care about anything, like you seem to be, instead of constantly questioning and analyzing everything.

I wish I didn't question everything and just go with it.
I wish I could just accept things without thinking about them too much, like you seem to do.

And the point comes when I realize that there's this dirty, filthy rapist in my mind, in my world, my society, my work that wishes to destroy, that wants to be unleashed, to fuck up their systems, tear down their trees, to corrupt those tiny boys and girls.
I become aware of a dark side of myself that wants to destroy and corrupt the world, just like there are people in the world who want to do that to others.

And I say rapist because people don't like that being said.
I choose the word 'rapist' to describe this dark side of myself because it's something that people don't want to acknowledge or talk about.

They don't mind it being done—they just mind it being said.
People are okay with others doing bad things, as long as they don't talk about it or acknowledge it.

I want to despoil, to take away the innocence of it, because innocence disgusts me. But it's all grotesque banality.
I want to destroy innocence and purity because I find it disgusting, but in reality everything is just boring and pointless.

The empty self, this half being and every day another crack forms, another splinter breaks away and hope is gone and without feeling.
I feel like I am becoming less of a person every day, losing hope and feeling as parts of me break away.

I want something in a wrapper, something in new silk panties, some old crusty piece of meat, something with the authority of a badge, or an instructional print out.
I want something new and exciting, but also something with authority or control, that can give me a sense of purpose.

I want it all to corrupt it, I want to revenge myself upon it to kick away the flimsy papers and cover them with dirt.
I want to corrupt the things I desire, to take revenge on them for teasing me with their false promises and making me feel empty and worthless.

That's the most that I can expect, to sully their receipts, to crumble their registration forms.
The most I can hope to achieve is to damage or destroy the systems and structures that I feel are oppressing me.

I wish I was just like you and conclude that I must be of huge importance, that I'm the center of the world: my pockets are full of change, and through this change I can enact change.
I wish I could believe that I am important and have the power to change the world, like you seem to think you do by having money.

I wish I could care about all that lipstick, those things, you know those things, those things you care about, those cars and people, all that tripe.
I wish I could care about the superficial things that seem to matter to other people, but I can't bring myself to care.

And we are taught that money is real value and a moral code and a combination of the two and as the days pass I learn tricks and deceit and the instinct to grab it when it comes.
We are taught that money is what gives us value and that we should do whatever we can to get it, even if it means being deceitful or tricking people.

And now look all of this, who's standing, who's yelling, who's talking about you, it's me! I'm the one after all, and am I important, or am I just a messenger for you?
I am the one who is making waves and causing attention, but I don't know if I'm really important or just a pawn in someone else's game.

I don't know, I don't give a fuck. I'm yelling and nothing I'm saying hasn't been said before.
I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it, but I'm making noise and causing a scene like many others have before me.

I see empty eyes, stuffing his fat face with chips or fat, dripping grease, filling his face with money or moral code, and he is without sense.
I see people who are just going through the motions of life, filling themselves with empty things like food or money, without any real sense of purpose or meaning.

Why the fuck should I acknowledge you, you hold open that door for me and step out of my way, and I didn't ask for this, I didn't ask to have to acknowledge you.
I don't see why I should have to acknowledge or thank people for doing basic things, like holding open a door, especially when I didn't ask for their help.

The only moment of truth is the tenth of a second after the money shot is delivered, in that fraction there is reality.
The only real moment in life is the instant after you achieve what you've been working for or wanting, because everything else is just a lie or a delusion.

In that singular point, all the lies that money and desperation build are revealed and all that's left is truth.
In that moment, all the illusions that we've built up around ourselves through our pursuit of money or desires fall away, and the simple truth is revealed.

My memory lapses and it's hard to tell or care anymore. I don't know if it's out of apathy or boredom.
I can't remember what really matters to me anymore, and I'm not sure if it's because I don't care or because I'm just so bored with everything.

This weight is the weight of pointlessness and it drags me down. I've never been so happy, I say to myself and I repeat it to pretend that I remember now how I felt when I said it, but I remember nothing but the words.
I feel weighed down by the meaningless of everything, but I try to convince myself that I'm happy by repeating empty phrases to myself.

He likes it and I don't. I like it but he doesn't. I've realized that I'm not really one person, and neither of us gives a fuck, neither of us is really whole or worth a damn.
I realize that I have multiple conflicting desires and opinions, and that ultimately I don't feel like a complete or valuable person.