Soft Sell Conclusions
Frank Zappa Lyrics


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A lot of people don't bother about their
Friends in the vegetable kingdom. they
Think: oh, ah, what can I say? what can
A person like myself say to a vegetable?
But the answer is simple, my friends:
Just call, and tell them how you feel
About muffins...pumpkins...wax
Paper...caledonia, mahoganies, elbows
...green things in general...and
Soon, a new rapport...you and your
New little green and yellow buddies,
Grooving together...oh, no! maintaining
Your coolness together! worshipping
Together in the church of your
Choice...(only in america...)

Call any vegetable call it by name
Aw, you gotta call one today
When you get off the train

Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Wow! that the vegetable will respond to you

Oh, no! can you see them responding? the
Pumpkin is breathing hard...h-h-h-h




H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h - h - hhhhhhhhhhhh!
(what a pumpkin!)

Overall Meaning

This quirky and tongue-in-cheek song by Frank Zappa seems to be a call to people to connect and communicate with the natural world, specifically with vegetables. The first verse begins by acknowledging how people often feel awkward or unsure about how to connect with vegetables, as they are obviously not capable of conversing in the same way humans are. However, Zappa suggests that it's actually quite simple - just call out to them and share your feelings on random topics like muffins, mahoganies, or green things in general. By doing so, you can establish a newfound rapport with your "little green and yellow buddies" and groove together, while maintaining your "coolness" and "worshipping together in the church of your choice" - all uniquely American experiences, according to Zappa.


The chorus then urges listeners to take action and call any vegetable by name, assuring them that the vegetable will likely respond. At this point, the song takes on a more theatrical and imaginative quality, exaggerating and personifying the vegetables' responses. For example, the pumpkin is depicted as breathing heavily and making strange noises in response to the call. The overall tone of the song is playful and whimsical, underscored by Zappa's signature eclectic and unconventional musical style.


Line by Line Meaning

A lot of people don't bother about their
Many individuals fail to pay attention to their


Friends in the vegetable kingdom. they
Vegetables, seen as friends, are often overlooked by these people.


Think: oh, ah, what can I say? what can
They sometimes wonder what to do or say with these vegetable friends.


A person like myself say to a vegetable?
They don't know what to tell the vegetables because of differences in being and communication.


But the answer is simple, my friends:
Frank suggests that it's not so hard as it seems.


Just call, and tell them how you feel
Simply reach out with your message


About muffins...pumpkins...wax
Talk to them about anything you're fond of like muffins or wax.


Paper...caledonia, mahoganies, elbows
Bring up unique and obscure topics like Caledonia or mahogany or even elbows.


...green things in general...and
Include any green item in your conversation.


Soon, a new rapport...you and your
It will result in a new understanding between you and these plant friends.


New little green and yellow buddies,
The vegetable kingdom has now expanded your social life.


Grooving together...oh, no! maintaining
Frank envisions that you're now dancing with vegetables and being hip simultaneously.


Your coolness together! worshipping
A new sense of coolness and perhaps even religious bond has now started.


Together in the church of your
And this place of worship is the vegetable kingdom, and you're now part of it!


Choice...(only in america...)
The church of your choice exists only in America or could pertain to any patriotic sense of belonging.


Call any vegetable call it by name
Name a vegetable to help start this new line of conversation.


Aw, you gotta call one today
Frank is saying that you must connect with your vegetable friend today.


When you get off the train
It could be as simple as contacting a nearby vegetable after you go home.


And the chances are good
Frank feels that the odds are favorable for a good response.


Wow! that the vegetable will respond to you
And the reaction from the vegetable makes Frank ecstatic!


Oh, no! can you see them responding? the
Frank imagines, and laughs at, a pumpkin gasping for air as it responds to your call, playfully suggesting that your relationship with your vegetables is now even more vivid.


Pumpkin is breathing hard...h-h-h-h
Frank devises an entertaining vision of a pumpkin reacting to your call.


H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h - h - hhhhhhhhhhhh!
The sound produced was a joyous response of communication between yourselves and your now lively vegetables.


(what a pumpkin!)
Frank is filled with mirth and amazement at how simple, yet effective, this new mode of understanding between you and your vegetable friend has become.




Lyrics © OBO APRA/AMCOS

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