I'm in Love with Steffi Graf
Hugh Laurie Lyrics

She's got eyes like diamonds,
Her eyes are incredibly bright and sparkling, capturing my attention and admiration.

Hair like twisted gold.
Her hair is a beautiful shade of golden, flowing in mesmerizing and intricate patterns.

When she looks up to me,
Whenever she directs her gaze towards me, it fills me with a chilling sensation.

I feel my blood run cold
My emotions become intense, causing shivers and a rush of adrenaline within me.

Now, I don't care if people laugh (A-ha)
I am indifferent to the mocking laughter of others, my love for Steffi Graf surpasses their opinions.

I'm in love with Steffi Graf
I am deeply and passionately infatuated with Steffi Graf.

I watched her all last summer;
Throughout the entire previous summer, my attention was constantly fixated on her presence.

I watched her every day
Each day, without fail, I observed her with undivided attention and vigilance.

She knew that I was with her,
She possessed an unspoken awareness of my unwavering presence beside her.

She didn't have to say
There was no need for verbal communication, our connection transcended words.

She can run, but she can't hide
Though she may attempt to elude, evade, or avoid, she cannot conceal or escape my affections.

She knows I feel deep down inside..
She possesses an understanding of the profound emotions that reside within the depths of my being.

That Steffi is an angel
Steffi Graf is a celestial being, possessing an otherworldly aura of grace and beauty.

But she folds her wings
Despite her ethereal nature, she assumes the guise of an ordinary mortal, concealing her divine qualities.

And walks like you and me
She traverses the world on foot, just like any ordinary individual, hiding her celestial nature.

She's extremely good at tennis
Steffi Graf possesses exceptional skills and prowess in the sport of tennis.

On any kind of surface there might be
No matter the type or condition of the playing field, she excels and dominates with her mastery.

Clay or grass
Whether the surface is made of clay or grass, she effortlessly triumphs.

She'll flay your ass
She will mercilessly defeat and humiliate her opponents, stripping them of their dignity.

And when she hits that topspin second serve
When she unleashes her topspin second serve, I believe I have comprehended the very essence of love.

I think I know the meaning of love
In that moment, I truly believe I possess a profound understanding of the concept and intensity of love.

Eastbourne never was a favorite
The location of Eastbourne never held a special place in her heart.

The outside courts were damp
The playing fields located outside were characterized by a moist and damp condition.

She had a hamstring problem
Steffi Graf experienced an issue with her hamstring, causing discomfort and hinderance.

And recurring muscle cramp
Additionally, she endured the repetition of muscle cramps, causing pain and frustration.

But she dug deep and won it just the same
Despite the obstacles and physical ailments, she summoned her inner strength and emerged victorious.

My angel never lost a service game
Throughout her career, my beloved Steffi Graf never experienced defeat in a service game.

But now, a shadow in the distance
However, now there exists a foreboding presence, a figure that looms ominously far away.

A girl with ponytails
This distant being takes the form of a young girl adorned with ponytails.

Sixteen and full of hunger
Being in the prime of her youth, she possesses an insatiable appetite for success and achievement.

The end of Steffi's trail
Her emergence signifies the conclusion of Steffi Graf's remarkable journey.

I can't wait for her defeat
I eagerly anticipate witnessing her downfall and defeat.

I fetch a knife and take my seed
In preparation for her potential loss, I retrieve a knife and take drastic measures, preparing for the worst.

'Cause Steffi is a goddess
As a deity, Steffi Graf embodies divinity and greatness in my eyes.

My love for her, it knows no bounds
The intensity and magnitude of my love towards her are immeasurable, surpassing any limits or boundaries.

I'd kill to make her happy,
I would be willing to commit the act of murder in order to bring her happiness and joy.

Or just to get her through the early rounds
Alternatively, I would resort to extreme measures to ensure her success and progression in the initial stages of tournaments.

Kill or maim
I am prepared to cause harm or inflict violence upon others for the sake of Steffi Graf's satisfaction.

It's just a game
Although it may appear as a mere sport, tennis, to me, holds an immense significance and gravitas.

But if I had another life, I'd choose
Given the opportunity of reincarnation, I would deliberately select to be reborn as something specifically connected to Steffi Graf.

To come back as one of Steffi's shoes
My desired transformation would manifest as one of the footwear items worn by Steffi Graf during her matches.