My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada
John Tartaglia Lyrics
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My girlfriend who lives in Canada
She couldn't be sweeter, I wish you could meet her
My girlfriend who lives in Canada
Her name is Alberta, she lives in Vancouver
She cooks like my mother and sucks like a Hoover
I e-mail her every single day, just to make sure that everything's okay
Last week she was here but she had the flu
Too bad 'cause I wanted to introduce her to you
It's so sad, there wasn't a thing that she could do
But stay in bed with her legs up over her head
I wish you could meet my girlfriend
But you can't because she is in Canada
I love her, I miss her, I can't wait to kiss her
So, soon I'll be off to Alberta, I mean Vancouver
Shit, her name is Alberta, she lives in Vancouver
She's my girlfriend, my wonderful girlfriend
Yes, I have a girlfriend who lives in Canada
And I can't wait to eat her pussy again
The song "My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada" by John Tartaglia is a comedic, upbeat song about a guy who has a girlfriend who lives in Canada but is unable to introduce her to his friends due to the distance between them. In the song, the singer sings about his girlfriend's good qualities such as how she is sweet and a good cook, but also mentions some sexual innuendos like how she "sucks like a Hoover." Despite this, he loves and misses her dearly and can't wait to see her again.
The song is a satire of the classic excuse "my girlfriend/boyfriend is out of town" and was originally written for the Tony Award-winning musical Avenue Q. The show uses puppets to explore the struggles of young adults trying to find their place in the world. The singer's inability to introduce his girlfriend to his friends due to distance and excuses is a common theme throughout the musical.
The song is often performed in cabaret-style shows and has become a fan favorite. It is a fun, lighthearted song that pokes fun at the struggles of long-distance relationships and the excuses people make to avoid introducing their significant other to their friends.
Line by Line Meaning
I wish you could meet my girlfriend
I desperately want someone to validate the existence of my girlfriend.
My girlfriend who lives in Canada
My girlfriend does not exist and I'm buying time with an absurd location.
She couldn't be sweeter, I wish you could meet her
I need someone to believe in this imaginary girlfriend so I am covering all bases.
Her name is Alberta, she lives in Vancouver
Her name and location are nonsensical, but there's no turning back now.
She cooks like my mother and sucks like a Hoover
She has perfect homemaker and sexual qualities just like a fantasy, but not like an actual person.
I e-mail her every single day, just to make sure that everything's okay
I'm compensating for the lack of physical contact with my imaginary girlfriend by pretending to reach out to her regularly.
It's a pity she lives so far away in Canada
I'm acknowledging that there are predictable red flags in my story but hope that my friends don't call me out on them.
Last week she was here but she had the flu
I'm trying to cover plot holes by introducing counterfactuals.
Too bad 'cause I wanted to introduce her to you
I'm making you feel bad about missing out on something that does not exist.
It's so sad, there wasn't a thing that she could do
I'm juxtaposing affection with illness to sustain the story of the perfect imaginary girlfriend.
But stay in bed with her legs up over her head
I'm trying too hard to make vulgar jokes here that don't even sound plausible.
I wish you could meet my girlfriend
I'm repeating this line for consistency and to keep the imaginary girlfriend alive, in my thoughts and in my conversation.
But you can't because she is in Canada
I'm digging deeper into the Canadian stereotype and hoping people buy into the excuse of long distance because of the distance and the border's closure due to COVID.
I love her, I miss her, I can't wait to kiss her
I'm highlighting empty sentiments of longing and romance.
So, soon I'll be off to Alberta, I mean Vancouver
I'm playing into the mix-up of names and locations and creating more confusion that veils the lack of credibility in the story.
Shit, her name is Alberta, she lives in Vancouver
I'm now deliberately fueling the error in her name and city to distract from the lies I've been weaving throughout the song.
She's my girlfriend, my wonderful girlfriend
I'm reinforcing the idea of a perfect girlfriend to get people to believe it despite its absurdity.
Yes, I have a girlfriend who lives in Canada
I'm blatantly acknowledging the lie but still holding fast to the delusion of an imaginary girlfriend.
And I can't wait to eat her pussy again
I'm adding a gratuitous and vulgar lyric to end the song as shock value and invoke a reaction.
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Written by: ROBERT LOPEZ, JEFF MARX
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind